


If These Wings Could Fly (It Made Me Think Of You)

by superscavenger



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Some Fluff, wedding au, yeah sorry about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-09 21:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 46,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4364012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superscavenger/pseuds/superscavenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chloe had called you the minute you walked in the door. At first you’d thought something bad had happened, that you’d need to go straight back out to the hospital or something worse. But you were wrong. The only person that was going to suffer was you.</p><p>Chloe was getting married. Chloe is getting married.</p><p>And it’s not to you. Because you were too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: You Deserve The World

**Author's Note:**

> My super cute and ANGSTY AF wedding au. The lyrics at the beginning of each chapter are the playlist. I'll make a complete one a couple of chapters before the end.  
> Happy reading folks.

Sunlight comes creeping in

Illuminates our skin

We watch the day go by

Stories of all we did

It made me think of you

It made me think of you

(Wings, Birdy)

You struggled a little not to drop the phone when she told you.

Everything around you just fell away, and not in the good way.

There was a squeak in her voice that just oozed excitement and happiness, but you couldn’t reflect it, even if you searched your entire brain three hundred times.

‘Theo asked me to marry him, Bec! I can’t believe this! I’m going to finally have the wedding of my dreams!’

You wanted to be excited for her, you really did. You’d just gotten home from a long day at work, and Chloe had called you the minute you walked in the door. At first you’d thought something bad had happened, that you’d need to go straight back out to the hospital or something worse. But you were wrong. The only person that was going to suffer was you.

Chloe was getting married. Chloe is getting married.

And it’s not to you. Because you were too late.

It was her time, her big day, the one day every girl is supposed to have wondered about for their entire life.

Chloe was no exception.

She’d talked about it with you even though it never really interested you. This had been her dream since she was a little girl, you remember her telling you.

_’I know it’s so cliché, but ever since I could understand what it was, you know, a wedding, getting married to the person you loved, forever and ever, I’ve just loved the idea of having the grand wedding with the big hotel, the petal confetti, even the doves, and a romantic dance at the reception to the gorgeous song that just tells our story. Do you want that, Becs?’_

_‘I’ve never really been partial to weddings, with what happened with my parents, but if it was the right person… I guess I wouldn’t care if it was in a shack, or in a registry office or a church. As long as it was them, I wouldn’t care.’_

_‘But you’d…you’d consider that, right? If they wanted a big wedding?’_

_‘If I loved them enough to get married I’d get married wherever they wanted to. As long as I get to marry them, I figure it doesn’t matter.’_ *

You remember the hope on Chloe’s face. In all these years you’d hoped she meant that for you.

It’s now, as you drive up the long country road to the Sawmill Creek Resort in Sandusky, Ohio, that you realise she didn’t mean it for you.

She was waiting for him.

‘I’m so happy for you Chlo. Where are you going to have it?’

‘I already have a venue - Sandusky, Ohio, on Lake Erie? It’s so beautiful! It’s perfect!’

‘I…I remember going there as a kid. My Grandma lived there, actually.’

‘Seriously?! Oh my God, this is like fate! This is gonna be the best weekend ever. Now, on the subject of bridesmaids…’

Of course, Chloe asked you to be Maid of Honour. It was only when you were assured you wouldn’t have to turn into elite wedding planner, that Aubrey had already happily assumed that role as Head Bridesmaid, that you accepted. Even as your eyes began to water.

You remember the exact feeling of your tears spilling over, staining your cheek with cold, salty water that would stay on your skin for at least an hour until Luisa had come home and found you on the floor, blank faced and staring at the back of the dark leather sofa as if it was your only solace. After a couple of minutes, you looked up at her and saw the worry in her face. You didn’t want to make her worry; she already had enough to worry about in her field of work. As a movie producer, she had bigger things to worry about than a 5’2” puddle of emotional mess. But she worried nonetheless.

You wonder how your roommate put up with you, as she picked up your tiny body and carried you swiftly to the bed, tucking you in like she was the mother who hadn’t left you, or the big sister you always wanted, and leaving some candy by the bed for when you woke up. Of course, she knew candy wasn’t going to make it better, but it might sugar coat the pain for a while.

She didn’t even know what was going on. When she asked the next morning, it took you a few beats to reply.

‘Chloe’s marrying him, Isa.’ Luisa closed her eyes slowly, ducking her head slightly.

‘I’m guessing you’re the Maid of Honour.’ You nodded once.

She sighed and sat next to you, and you let your head loll onto her shoulder, not bothering to fight back more tears. She grabbed your hand tightly and kissed your head lightly.

She knew that you had been dreading this since you first heard about Theo.She’d dated people before, but you always had a feeling with this guy. She just…never stopped talking about him.

‘She’s made me this emotional wreck, Isa. Why does she make like this? I used to be a normal person who didn’t get hung up on shit like weddings and love. Jesse knew that more than anyone. You know that. I just don’t understand why she makes me feel like this.’

‘Maus, you know that love doesn’t bear understanding. That is the point. You’re not supposed to be able to explain it. It’s supposed to be the wonderful thing nobody can really figure out. I love Pieter more than almost anything in the world; he is my best friend. But he’s an idiot. I cannot explain why I love him. And I drove back and forth over the borders of Luxembourg and Belgium just to see my ex-girlfriend. And the only reason I had for that was because I loved her. It doesn’t explain itself. I know this is tough to hear, but Chloe loves the man giant. She can’t explain that.’

You looked up at her, peeking your head out from the top of her shoulder for a moment.

‘I know. I have to try and let her go. Maybe… maybe seeing her get married will finally end it.’

‘I hope so, Maus. It hurts to see you like this.’

You let your head your head fall back onto her shoulder as you thought about Chloe and Theo.

She really was in love with him.

_’Theo is taking me to Sunset Tower Hotel & Spa, can you believe that? He’s so sweet! Becs, honestly I’m beginning to think, that maybe…’ _

_‘_ _You love him?’_

_‘…Yeah. I never thought this would happen, honestly. It’s like my dreams are finally coming true. The perfect person, love, a great job…I’m not sure I deserve all this.’_

_‘Shut your face, Chlo. You deserve the world.’_

_There was a little glint in Chloe’s eyes before she smiled brightly and bashfully._

_‘Don’t be silly, Becs! You're the one who deserves everything they want. Speaking of which, what’s happening with you and Luisa anyway?’_

_‘Oh God, we went on a couple of dates but it was just too awkward. We’re better as flirty friends, apparently. She’s actually my roommate now.’ ‘Seriously? Totally didn’t see that one coming. Now who’s up for Netflix…’_

You try to push the never-ending thought down that he’s just… too good to be true. You finally see the hotel up ahead of her, its own little slice of paradise on Lake Erie. You remember it well.

When your whole family went to visit her Grandma, they’d go down to the hotel for lunch sometimes; then go down by the abandoned boathouse to relax, maybe take a swim. You’d gotten used the cold then - you didn’t swim in the winter months of course, but the water was always pretty chilly.

After living in LA for 5 years, you hope that you’ll still be used to it.

You hope it still exists, the boathouse.It might be your only place to get away from the hell that will be this weekend.

Isa, Jesse and Aubrey. They’re the three people who know how you really feel.

You’ve been bottling it up for so long, your feelings for Chloe.

She didn’t even like you that way anyway; she deserved something better and something that felt like it was forever. It wouldn’t have felt like that for her, you deduced.

It would have for you.

But you were too scared to tell her the truth, and now you’ve lost her to this beautiful hunk who models for Davidoff.  Because you didn't tell her in time.

It reminds you how inadequate you are for her. How much this wedding makes you want to tear your insides to shreds.

As the car valet and the entrance finally come into view, not more than 800 metres away, you remember the day Jesse found out about the wedding.

_'I’m so sorry, Bec. I can’t imagine how this must feel.’_

_‘It’s for the best… I guess she’ll be happy, right? If you love them, let them be happy and all that bullcrap.’_

_‘Becs I gotta tell you something…’_

_‘What is it, Jess?’ ‘_

_I can’t make it to the wedding.’_

_You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose._

_‘It’s not your fault, Jess. Scoring the new Avengers Infinity War’s gotta be something else.’_

_‘It’s a test alright. But Luisa will be there and so will Aubrey.’_

_‘Are you kidding? Aubrey will just come over to me, clipboard in hand, order me not to fuck up this wedding and then go harass some florists.’_

_‘She's not that bad, Bec.  I mean, I am living with her.'_

_'Lucky you.'_

_'Well, Luisa then.’_

_‘She’s been awesome.’_

_‘Just hang in there, okay?’_

_Your reply is nothing more than a meek whisper._

_‘Okay.’_

You drive round the fountain and stop your car outside the entrance to the hotel, the valet coming up to your window and politely asking about the valet. You get out of the car, and look back to the drive you’d just come down.

No turning back now. 

That thought in your head is cemented when you hear her voice.

‘Beca Effin Mitchell!’

You turn around and those cerulean eyes, and you could swear they pierce your fucking soul.

She’s bouncing up and down on the spot, clapping her hands like a little kid. It’s too endearing, and you can’t bear to think about it for too long.

You let her squeeze you tightly. You welcome it; you haven’t actually seen her in weeks. You’ve been busy, doing interviews and press conferences following the release of your second studio album. Chloe’s been choreographing Emily’s latest tour. It’s got to have been six weeks, and the wedding planning that you’ve been involved in has all been done over the phone.

You’ve missed her so much.

She still smells like the summer berries shower gel she used when she barged into your shower that day in freshman year. You can’t quite believe she still uses it… it’s intoxicating. God, how does she do this to you?

Holding her, seeing her so happy and alive makes you think that maybe you can get through this weekend.

She lingers a little too long before smiling brightly at you.

‘You excited?’ You ask her, knowing the answer. You just don't know what to say.

‘I can’t believe this is finally happening, Becs,’ she says shakily, tears forming in her eyes.

‘Neither can I,’ you reply, trying incredibly hard to keep your emotions to yourself.

You still can’t quite comprehend that she make you…feel so much.

It’s at that moment that he walks out to the front steps. He smiles at you fondly and hugs you, which you’re really not ready for, and you barely get a chance to put your arms around him before he pulls away.

‘How you doing, Beca?’

‘Awesome,’ you reply, trying to hold back the sourness in your voice.

He wraps his arm around Chloe’s waist and they smile at you like the perfect all-American couple.

It’s when you momentarily glance at Chloe’s ring finger to see the bright ruby sat there, that you change your mind.

You’re not sure at all whether you’re going to get through this.


	2. Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday: Two days before the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loving the response to this you guys. The songs included in the chapter will be on the final playlist. Try listening to them when you're reading it. They're the ones I listen to when I'm writing it. Enjoy friends

When I'm tired and thinking cold I hide in my music,

forget the day

And dream of a girl I used to know

I closed my eyes and she slipped away

(More Than A Feeling - Boston)

Friday.

You have two days left.

Chloe’s slipping through her fingers all too quickly for you. You grab your headphones and your phone, not really up for leaving the safe confines of the bedcovers just yet. Scrolling through your playlists, you pick something from your rarely touched ‘Dad’s Crap’ compilation.

As Boston’s biggest song pours through the wires and into the headphones you lie back down, looking straight up at the ceiling.

The song is weird, you think. It gives off such a happy vibe, but then you listen to the lyrics. You haven’t really listened properly to them before.

**_I lose myself in a familiar song…_ **

You smile a little at that. It’s very you. You don’t realise until you’ve been at work all day and then sat at your laptop for another five hours how often you lose yourself in music.

It’s almost baffling.

But then you remember that your life is basically music. It wouldn’t be the same without it.

You wonder what your life would have been like if you didn’t decide to buy a beat up old turntable at a yard sale so many years ago. It was on a whim - you didn’t enjoy sports, academics were something you didn’t mind, but you never excelled - but music was something you were always intrigued by. It was a alternative way to express yourself. You found that useful a year later, when your parents split up, your mother moved away and you shut yourself off completely.

You slowly found your way back into the waking world by throwing mashups together, not having enough inspiration to write anything original but enough to find what songs really made you feel normal again. It was a few years after that, just before your father forced you to take one year at college (which ended up being the best thing that ever happened to you), that you got a package without a sender’s address that contained the most up-to-date and top of the range DJ equipment. You knew it was your mother, but you never thanked her for it. She didn’t want one - she never even told you it was from her.

Music has hit your life with a fervour you never thought it would - all because of some family dispute. You hate that your parents divorced, and that it ruined you then. But if it hadn’t happened you would have this life.

You could say the same about Chloe Beale.

Persistence is probably the word you’d associate with Chloe Beale the most. You could go with creeper, of course, but that would be rude.  She barged into your shower cubicle and made you do something you weren’t exactly comfortable with, and a small part of you felt irritated for a while. As you got to know her, though, it all disappeared. She was a ray of sunshine in your otherwise rather grey world; your music did brighten things up, yes, but everyone needs some social interaction sometime. As much as you used to grumble like an old man about it. These days, you don’t complain. Chloe being such a happy spirit, bouncing with optimism and singing literally all the time, you couldn’t really see yourself being best friends with anybody else.

Your emotional spectrum just expanded through college, all because of the way Chloe was around you. Always beckoning you to be that little more interested, persisting in making you talk to people and let yourself react more. Movies still aren’t your favourite thing, but you’re a lot more emotional at the end of Titanic that you would have been when you joined Barden.

The fact that she’s so in love with music always made it even better.

When you moved in together after graduation in LA, you’d come back from your job at the Californian branch of Residual Heat and hear her belting out Wicked. You’d be mixing late at night and come into the kitchen to find her singing backing vocals to a Led Zeppelin song. You’d walk past the bathroom to hear her singing Titanium for the thousandth time.

And you never got sick of it.

Four years and four months later, only eight months ago when she moved out to move in with Theo, your heart did break. You’d held an anniversary party at your own recording studio and company, Titan Records, and Chloe had turned up with him. He branched away, making pleasantries with some of your clients while Chloe led you over to a quieter corner.

_’Becs, there’s something I need to tell you.’_

_‘Yeah dude what’s up?’_

_‘Theo asked me to move in with him.’_

_You’re lost for words for at least ten seconds._

_It feels like forever._

_‘Are you going to?’_

_‘I think…I think I will. If you’re okay, with that I mean there’s rent and stuff to sort out and I don’t want to make it -‘_

_‘Don’t even worry about that we’ll sort it out. The big question is, do you want to do this?’_

_You don’t even realise your eyes are pleading with her to say no._

_‘Yes.’_

_‘Alright. Cool.’_

_‘Okay, we’ll start sorting within the next few weeks?’_

_‘Yeah, no worries Chlo.’_

_‘I’ll miss you.’_

_Your heart jumps._

_‘I’ll miss you too.’_

You’d turn the music up louder than you ever did before, but the apartment still echoed with silence. Even though you had a new roommate, it wasn’t the same. The sound wasn’t as beautiful and bright anymore.

It was a light in your life that you never thought you would lose.

And now you’re about to lose it completely.

**_I see my Mari-Anne walking away…_ **

That lyric just finishes you off.

You sit up abruptly, snap the headphone jack out of the phone and throw the phone onto the bed next to you, still empty as Luisa won’t arrive for another…

7:46am

8 hours.

She may not be Chloe, but she’s been better at helping you control the myriad that is your emotions; the ones Chloe seemed to instil in you.

You rub your face with your hands, gliding them through your hair as you bring your knees up to your chest and tucking your head in-between. You sigh.

Fuck this shit.

~()~

You realise when somebody raps loudly on the door that you fell asleep again.

The knocking continues and you drag yourself out of bed and stagger to the door, looking through the peephole. It’s Chloe, and you know you can’t just keep her on the doorstep.

You open the door widely and she waltzes in, looking perplexed at your dishevelled self. There’s a beat before she speaks.

‘Bec, you need to get dressed.’

‘I was actually up earlier, I fell back asleep though.’

‘That’s unlike you,’ Chloe comments, following you slowly as you pull out an outfit to wear for the day. Chloe comes up behind you and puts her chin on the back of your shoulder.

‘You don’t even know what you’re doing today.’

‘Yeah, and? It’s not like we’re going to Aubrey’s retreat, is it?’

Chloe wonders away, laughing and sitting on the bed.

‘It’s so close, Becs. This wedding is going to be magical, I can feel it,’ she says, flopping back onto what would be Luisa’s bed, closing her eyes and smiling widely. You close your eyes and turn away, trying to focus on your outfit.

Now you have no idea what to wear. All because she mentioned the bloody wedding.

Fuck.

‘Do you need some help?’

You turn back around to see Chloe standing behind you with a soft smile. It melts your insides in the most gorgeous way.

‘Yeah, my brain is frazzled.’ You move out of the way and Chloe goes through the draw with a steady pace, looking at the clothing.

‘How about this?’ Chloe pulls out a pair of dark red jeans, a dark green patterned shirt and your black blazer to match.

‘Is that appropriate for the activities of this fine day?’

You wonder to yourself how the fuck that just came out of your mouth, and you try and save yourself with a smirk.

‘That’s okay. We have final fitting at 12:30, and then you, me, Theo and Laila, are having lunch at 1:30.’ She smiles brightly and hands you the clothing she’s given you.

‘But it’s only like, 9:40. How come you’re here now?’

‘Because there’s something I need to ask you. Get dressed. We’ve got somewhere we need to go.’

You watch her go into the bathroom so you can change. It makes you feel special when she wants to do things just you and her. It happens so rarely these days.

You wonder what she has up her sleeve this time as you knock softly on the bathroom door and you both head into the corridor together, just that little too close for friends.

You’ve never minded.

You walk through the hotel, passing conference room after conference room before you finally come to a stop. Chloe takes a pair of keys out of her pocket, and unlocks the black glass door in front of you, and she beckons you in before following your lead.

It’s a music studio.

You take a few steps, circling by the door. There’s a recording booth, and DJ equipment in one corner, and at least five guitars in a rack in another. A drum set is over by the window, which overlooks the bay of Lake Erie. It’s gorgeous, like yours in LA, but there’s one part that just makes it so much more different, and maybe better.

It really makes your jaw drop, the Grand Piano; it’s a Steinway, more beautiful than you’ve ever seen in your life. You can’t even move, you’re so floored at how this room is absolutely and entirely your paradise.

That includes the fact that Chloe’s standing behind you.

Her voice is shy when she finally speaks up, and you aren’t surprised. She, being the angel that she is, knows you’d probably need a minute to take this all in.

‘I talked to Emily, and she’s written the lyrics for the procession song and Laila’s going to do the melody. That’s all fine, but…’ She trails off for a minute, and you turn around to face her, and you realise she’s a lot closer to you than she was before.

She takes your hands in hers, and looks with those cerulean eyes and into your heart so deep you fear you’ll never be able to take her out.

‘I want you to write the song for my first dance, Beca. It you’d do me the honour.’

Tears form in your eyes, and you feel them slip out and onto your cheeks before you can reply.

You thought heartbreak would be letting her get married to this man who’s perfect for her, but still isn’t you.

But apparently, it comes in more forms than one.

She wants you to cement their marriage by giving them the key to one of their first memories of the rest of their life.

It’s like being stabbed in the stomach.

So naturally, you say yes.

‘It would be my privilege, Chloe,’ you say with a shake in your voice.

She’s crying too, and it’s heartbreakingly beautiful.

‘I know it’s not a long time to write it and everything but I could never even try and think of anybody else to do this for me. You’ll make it sound so gorgeous. Everybody will love it.’

You savour the moment when she pulls you in for a hug, because you know that soon they just won’t feel the same.

~()~

You do your body work

I feel my pulse working overtime

I get shy in these lights

I feel your body doin’ overtime

(Body Work - Morgan Page ft. Tegan and Sara)

‘Becs!’

You arrive at the dress fitting about five minutes early, overestimating how long it would take for you to navigate the large hotel. Chloe hasn’t arrived yet, and the dress people are with her, so you are left to stand alone with the bridesmaids, of the hour.

Emily, Stacie, Fat Amy and Aubrey. Fat Amy is technically a flower girl (she’d insisted, it had been her dream since she could talk, apparently). Emily runs over to you and squeezes you hard, with less intensity than she used to.

She’s mellowed since getting into a relationship, and you’re happy that the one she loved had been so good for her.

Not to mention it’s what should have happened with your co-captain.

Laila Milardo was a sophomore who’d tired to join the Bellas in her freshman year, only to be told told that the Bellas couldn’t take anybody new due to their poor show at the Kennedy Center. So when she tried again in the next fall, she was even more determined to get in. That’s when she saw Emily standing on her own at an almost sorry looking Barden Bellas Stand.

_’Hi, would you like to audition for the B-‘_

_‘That is exactly what I would love to do, actually.’ Emily looks perplexed._

_‘Really? You actually - you wanna join?’_

_‘Why is that so surprising?’_

_‘I’ve been here two and a half hours and nobody has even come within ten yards of this booth,’ she says, her expression sad but adorable. At least that’s what Laila thinks._

_‘Tell you what. You let me help you advertise this, cause you, my friend, need a confidence boost, and I get a shot at co-captain if I get in. What d’you say?’ She puts on her best smile, and puffs up her English accent even more._

_Emily’s face breaks into the most beautiful grin._

_‘You’ll help me? Yes! And definitely, you get a huge shot at co-captain! Thank you so much, I can do okay when I’m around people, it’s just doing this on my own is a little nerve-wracking you know? I mean I can captain the Bellas, I’m sure of it, but I need to get people on the Bellas first, so…’ Laila simply listens to Emily talk, picking up a pile of flyers and watching her blossom out of her shell wonderfully._

_She falls in love that first day._

Three years of college and two years of writing and releasing an album later, and they’re stronger than ever. There’s only one thing about Laila that you just can’t really grow to love.

Her brother.

It was Laila that introduced Theo to Chloe, two years before the wedding. Emily may have still been in college but she was releasing an EP and it was the face of Titan Records - its booster to stardom, if you will. Emily said Laila could invite her brother as he was in town, and you didn’t mind at all - it was good publicity as he was a model, quite high profile. This would help the company, you deduced. You just never thought he’d steal her away from you the night you’d planned to finally own up to your feelings.

_Breathe in. Breathe out._

_You look at Chloe who’s standing on the balcony with a drink in her hand and a smile on her face, and prepare yourself. You’re going to confess your love to her in less than a minute, and it could all go completely right or completely wrong._

_But you’re done with being scared._

_You’ve been without her long enough, and if you never try, you’ll never know._

_You begin to walk over to the door to the balcony, but you’re cut off by Laila and her brother and suddenly the doorway feels like an impenetrable barrier you can’t get through._

_You see Laila introduce them to each other, and there’s a spark in his eye already and that’s when you know you’re screwed. She laughs at a joke as he puts a hand on the balcony railing, and they begin talking animatedly and you say to yourself that it’ll be okay. She’ll be alone later._

_But she isn’t. The party’s still in full swing when they go and ask Emily if it’s okay to leave for a drink, as they don’t want her to think they’re not incredibly happy for her; Chloe is, she’s been jumping up and down about it ever since she heard. You watch while Aubrey talks at you, and he holds out a hand for her to take._

_She takes one glance at you, smiling softly, and before she leaves you hold her gaze. You swear you see a hint of regret behind her eyes. Then she’s taking his hand and she’s gone._

_Aubrey notices the interaction, Jesse having told her with your permission what you’d planned to do._

_Without too much sympathy in her voice, she punches your shoulder slightly and says, ‘don’t worry Mitchell. It’s probably not permanent, you’ll get your chance.’_

You never did.

Stacie joins your hug with Emily, Fat Amy then squeezes you to death sufficiently, and once she’s gone you’re faced with the Head Bridesmaid herself.

Aubrey.

You expect some snappy insult that’s meant in kind.

Instead, she walks the few steps remaining between you and hugs you wholeheartedly.

‘It’ll be okay.’ You wait a beat before hugging her back hard.

‘Thank you,’ you whisper back, knowing that emotions have never really been her strong suit.

It turned out that you’ve more in common with Aubrey than you thought. It’s that moment that Chloe walks in, trailed by two men and a woman with numerous dresses in their hands.

‘Okay, hey guys, so this is just formality really, just to make sure all the dresses look perfect for tomorrow, no pins sticking out or hems loose, that sort of stuff. Nothing too major.’

She turns to the woman while the men hand around dresses.

‘Laila will be along soon after the girls are gone, do you have the suits?’

‘Yes we do,’ the woman says happily.

‘Great, I’ll talk to Beca.’ You watch her walk over to you, a suit in hand.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey there,’ you say back with a smile.

She’s so happy and it must be contagious.

‘Now I know you’re not always hot on dresses, so I thought you might want to wear a suit like Laila’s going to? It’s totally up to you.’

‘Nah, I’ll stick with the dress I think. It’s actually the prettiest dress I’ve ever seen. Apart from your dress, of course.’

‘Good save, Becs,’ she says, winking.

‘Okay, that’s awesome! I’m sure you’d still look gorgeous in the suit, but as I said, it’s up to you…’

Your mouth falls open a little bit, and you try to smile around it. You wish she wouldn’t do that.

It gets your hopes up.

‘One question.’

‘Yeah, Becs?’

‘Why do you have extra suits?’

‘Oh I have extra dresses as well. I’m always prepared.’

‘What, for more bridesmaids and groomsmen and women?’

‘For Fat Amy spilling hot sauce down her dress and Laila falling over at the wedding photos in her suit. I have very clumsy friends.’

You simply nod your head once, your mouth turning down in that surprised look of satisfaction.

The dresses are a dark purple, flowing down to the knee and taken in at the waist. It’s a one shoulder dress, a purple flower at the stop of the strap. The girls all look gorgeous, Aubrey making it look ten times more elegant with her height and Emily making it look ten times more cute with a face.

Of course.

The suits are a darkish grey, skinny trousers with a one button jacket.

The shirt is white, and the ties are the same purple as the dresses, but for Laila there is a neckerchief to be loosely tied and the ends tucked into the shirt. All the girls have stack heels that match the dress.

So as well as killing her heart, her feet would be dead by the end of this as well.

Great.

Speaking of death, you think you’re going to die, period, when Chloe walks out of the next room in her wedding dress.

She looks positively _breathtaking_.

‘Oh my God, Chloe,’ Fat Amy says quietly. ‘You finally managed it. You look more amazing than I do.’

‘You look like an angel, Chlo,’ Emily chips in, tilting her head to the side and smiling, emotion in her eyes.

‘Is that a Lillian West?’ Stacie asks incredulously.

Chloe just nods excitedly.

‘Aubrey’s friends with the executive head of the LA retailer. She took me for a fitting as a surprise one day. I couldn’t believe it. I tried on like, 12. The fitter and Aubrey liked another better but I just put this on and… and I knew this was the one.’

‘I think it’s right one, now I look at it again. You look incredible, Beale.’

You still haven’t moved from your position next to Stacie, completely slack jawed.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen something so utterly perfect in your life.

Then Chloe looks at you, her smile faltering a bit when you don’t react.

‘E-excuse me, excuse me for a minute,’ you mutter as you walk through to the other room.

There’s a balcony on the other side of the room, and you shut the door. You breathe the fresh air, and close your eyes as you exhale slowly. Chloe’s getting married. Stay calm. Just stay calm.

‘Beca, are you okay?’ You jump, not having noticed her manage to open and close the door to the balcony.

She puts a hand on your arm and you do your best not to shiver. Her touch is heart-stopping.

‘Yeah, sorry. It just made everything a lot more…’

‘Real?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I get it. I put this on in the shop and I was part excited, part terrified. This is a whole new chapter in my life. I know this is what I want, but it’s all so different. I do still need by best friend to help me through it.’

‘I’m not losing you, right?’

‘Never. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried,’ Chloe says, a teary laugh flowing from her lips.

She puts her forehead against the side of yours, and you can feel her breath tickle your cheek.

You close your eyes.

‘Whatever happens, Beca Mitchell…you will always be in my life. Always.’

You nod once and pull her into a hug, not really being able to stand the close proximity to her lips for much longer. You didn’t used to like physical contact all that much.

With Chloe being in your life, though, you’d gotten so much more comfortable with it. So much that you even initiated hugs now. What has she made you become? You know you’re a better person, but it’s…weird.

‘We better get going, lunch isn’t too far off and I don’t want to ruin my dress before the big day. Couldn’t exactly afford a spare one of this baby,’ Chloe says after pulling away, winking at you and walking back into the hotel. You puff out a breath and follow her, wiping your eyes for any tears that may have escaped.

‘By the way, are you all good with tonight’s song?’

‘I’ve was ready a couple of days after CR suggested it, Chlo. It’ll be okay.’

‘I can’t believe it’s been a year she’s been gone. It feels like yesterday, somehow.’

‘I know. I’ll miss her saying how her sister tried to marry her off to her boyfriend’s dog or something ridiculous like that,’ you say.

You both fight more tears.

Food might make things better. Screw that, food always makes things better.

Especially Cincinnati-Style chilli and Buckeyes.

You remember the Buckeyes that your Grandma used to make when you were small.

Please God, let them have Buckeyes.

~()~

They don’t have Buckeyes, and everything would be shitty but they still have Cincinnati-Style Chilli, so you can just about live.

You and Chloe are early, of course, and you’re anxious because you haven’t seen Laila in what must be 3 months.

You and Laila have become, for lack of a better word, buddies.

Since she’s dating the girl you took under your wing, you’ve gotten to know her rather well; she’s a mellower type, but still has more than enough energy to contend with Emily.

She seems to wear pocket t-shirts with blazers literally all the time, and unless she’s doing her daily workout routine (she’s freaking ripped, it’s ridiculous) or practicing choreography, she’s donning some form of headwear.

You’d always been a little protective of Emily, even over visits home and skype. Chloe was the same. You skyped her every fortnight, well, Chloe did, and you eventually met Laila in the Winter Break of their sophomore year.

_’Hey, guys I want you to meet someone!’ Chloe beams at the webcam and makes a beckoning gesture, telling her to out with it._

_You simply smile at her and look at the screen. A shorter girl appears, sitting down roughly on the sofa, a soda in her hand and a beanie on her head. She salutes with two fingers and smiles at the screen._

_‘It’s a privilege to meet the creators of the Bella sound. I’m Laila, Legacy’s new co-captain.’_

_‘You still call her Legacy?’You ask, your mouth cocking up in a toothy smirk._

_You catch Chloe smiling shyly at you through the corner of your eye._

_‘Well, she told us about it and kinda just stuck,’ Laila replies, looking at Emily with a fondness that doesn’t go unnoticed by the older pair. ‘Not to mention…oh, don’t worry,’ Emily trails off, not taking her eyes off Laila._

_‘What?’_

_‘I have a couple of stupid nicknames. You’re not getting them, don’t even think about it,’_

_Emily says, glaring at the two on the other side of the country._

_‘So how’s it going?’_

_‘Well, we’ve almost got a set down,’ Laila starts, ‘but we haven’t got a show just yet. Despite the fact you made the Bellas a world success, people are still a bit wary. For multiple reasons.’_

_‘What?’_

_‘Well, apart from Em, we’re completely new. A whole different set of vocalists. We could sound the complete opposite of you. People want the Bellas who beat Das Sound Machine, not a bunch of sophomores who haven’t even had a show yet. Plus, we have to tread carefully. We pull anything like Fat Amy pulled at the Kennedy Center and we’re done.’_

_‘They’ll come around. Be honest with me, Legacy. Do you sound good?’ You ask, eyebrow cocked and waiting._

_Emily looks at Laila for a second, sparing a look at each other, then grinning profusely._

_‘We sound aca-awesome, Becs.’_

_‘That’s what I’m talkin’ about,’ Chloe chips in, smiling widely and grabbing your hand. You resist the urge to look down at your joined hands, and you grin along with her._

_You like it when she holds hands with you. It makes you feel safer, and that’s not happened before. Not with Jesse. Not with anyone._

_‘Well you’ll be just fine then. Just give it some time, you’ve only been together four months. Not every year will be like last year was, Legacy; that was some crazy shit last year.’_

_‘Well worlds is only every four years, so that crazy shit is off the table,’ Emily says with a sad smile._

_‘Hey, come on Legacy. You’ve got your very own crew now. Worlds was with us. You’ll have some incredible performances with Laila and the rest of these new nerds. No sweat. You’ll be fine,’ You say with a confident smile. You have faith in her._

_‘Hang on, I gotta pee,’ Emily says, making you grimace, Chloe shake her head with a smile and Laila chuckle._

_As soon as the door shuts, Chloe leans forward and looks into the camera with her signature glare - one staring daggers as the other is narrowed just that little bit._

_‘I’m not blind, Laila. I can see you have the biggest toner for Emily,’ Chloe begins, Laila’s face almost going pale for a moment._

_‘Uhmm, toner?’_

_‘You know exactly what I mean.’ Laila simply looks down and sucks her lips into her mouth._

_You think it might be time to jump in before Chloe murders Laila telepathically._

_‘What Chloe means to say is,’ you start, giving Laila an encouraging look which quells Chloe’s glare somewhat, ‘that don’t rush into things. You guys just started being co-captains, and that relationship is complicated enough.’_

_You throw a glance Chloe’s way, then holding the gaze, noting that she’s staring at you with her gorgeous cerulean eyes. God, you really can’t focus if she’s doing that._

_You tear your eyes away from Chloe back to the screen._

_‘But if you do want something to happen, just treat her right. She may be 19 now but she’s still a little Legacy baby to our veteran Bellas. And it must be said: if you break her heart, you’ll have her fellow world champions on your ass.’_

_‘She’s literally the sweetest person I’ve ever met in my life. I want to at least try, but how the hell do I start it?’_

_They hear a door open, and Laila sits back, trying to look casual. She fails miserably, and it makes you chuckle inwardly._

_‘Just ask her to dinner. You and her. I think she’ll get the message,’ Chloe says, still sporting a rather wary look on her face._

_You nudge her once, and she smiles slightly. She really cares so much about Emily and it’s endearing. Emily perches on the sofa again, grinning profusely and not noticing Laila smiling at her like you do at Chloe._

You realise that you probably bonded because you’re both so screwed over a girl.

Goddammit, Mitchell.

‘Do my eyes deceive or is it the Aca-Goddess herself?’

Laila’s sauntering over the table, and she holds an arm up to you. You do that bro handshake you always thought was stupid and then she hugs you tightly, surprisingly not making you too uncomfortable.

She looks so dapper; black jeans, a white shirt, a burgundy blazer and a bowler hat are her apparel, and you just really want to be as cool as her for a second.

‘I’ve missed you, Mitchell,’ she says as she pulls away, smiling fondly at you before clapping you on the arm she didn’t let go of and then walking over to say hi to Chloe.

‘Hey, Beca, how was fitting?’

You reluctantly turn your attention to Theo, who’s smiling cordially and has his hands shoved in his jean pockets.

How does he infuriate you with literally every aspect of his being?

Well, he is marrying the love of your life.

That’s got to sour an opinion, right?

You all sit down, Chloe opposite you and next to Laila, and Theo next to you. Chloe orders some table wine and a bread basket and the other three begin to talk amongst themselves, the Milardo siblings mostly just listening to Chloe talk about the fitting.

When Chloe looks at Theo like that, your world melts away. You can hear her voice, and it’s like you’re hearing it from underwater. You can’t focus on anything. She won’t ever look at you like that, not now.

You hate yourself just that little bit more.

‘The bridesmaids dresses are just the cutest thing in the world,’ Chloe says, putting her hand over her heart.

‘Not as cute as I bet you look in your dress,’ Theo replies, reaching a hand to the middle of the table. Chloe tilts her head and mouths ‘babe’, at him, taking his hand a squeezing it momentarily before letting go and continuing with her story.

You watched the whole exchange with what you now realise was a rather sour stare, and you catch Laila looking straight at you.

She narrows her eyes, questioning the entire thing. You give the slightest shake of your head, worried that she might bring something up here, right now.

Having Aubrey know how you feel is stressful enough, but if Laila knows it just starts to get dangerous.

She may be good at keeping secrets, but she’s complete putty in Emily’s hands. It can’t get out. That would be your worst nightmare.

She continues looking at you, and you cave in.

‘Later,’ you mouth surreptitiously, and you know from the moment the word leaves your lips that you’re not going to get out of it.

~()~

When you finally arrive back at your room, managing to avoid Laila for a while yet, Luisa is passed out on the bed, under the covers in her clothes she flew from LA in.

You sigh quietly and get on the bed, putting a hand over Luisa’s side and laying your cheek on the back of her shoulder. You lay there for some minutes before you hear a sharp intake of breath.

‘Maus. Hallo.’

She doesn’t even turn over.

‘Hey, Isa. How was your flight?’

‘Relatively painless,’ she says, moving to roll onto her back, so you do the same, both of you staring up at the ceiling.

‘What time do we need to be downstairs tonight?’

‘I need to get down there for about seven forty five, you should be fine getting there at eight,’ you say, closing your eyes again.

‘Are you alright, Maus?’

‘I’ll be okay. It’s not the time for that. Tonight’s about Flo.’

‘I know. I meant with both things, Beca, but I understand. I may not have known her, but she seemed like a formidable character. One I would have sparred well with.’

‘I think you’re right, Isa.’

You turn your head to the side and smile sadly at Luisa, tears forming in your eyes.

‘We will make it through this weekend, Maus. We are a team, you and me. We can do this. Ja?’ You sigh, and look back up at the ceiling.

‘Ja.’

~()~

Give me all the strength I need to carry on

So let the light guide your way

Hold every memory as you go

And every road you take will always lead you home

(See You Again - Charlie Puth [Piano Version])

You and the rest of the Bellas are sitting around one table, with one empty seat to fill: Chloe’s.

You’ve had a drink, and the stage is set up. The lot of you are pretty pensive.

You can’t believe a year has passed since Flo died.

It was in a car accident. You remember it well. She’d just got her papers for citizenship, and she was on her way to the party they were going to throw her as a surprise.

One fucking drunk driving asshole took her life away, when as far as Flo was concerned, hers was really just beginning.

You were on tour, having just finished a show in the Twin Cities. Chloe had called you in a panic.

_’Beca, Beca? Are you there can you hear me?’_

_‘Yeah, Chloe I can hear. Slow down.’_

_‘It’s Flo.’_

_‘Yeah, she told me about getting her papers finally!’_

_‘No, no no Bec it’s not that, it’s bad, it’s really bad,’ Chloe says frantically, and you can detect tears in her voice._

_‘Chloe, what are you talking about?’_

_‘A drunk driver, Beca.’_

_‘No.’_

_‘Some fucking drunk driving asshole rammed into the side of her. She didn’t,’ Chloe’s voices breaks and your face falls, ‘she didn’t make it Bec, oh my God.’_

_You hear her break down completely. Meanwhile, you can’t even function. I_

_t takes you a minute of listening to Chloe sob, but finally you react._

_‘I’m coming home, Chlo. Give me 6 hours.’_

_You’re pretty sure your publicist is yelling at you as you hail a taxi to the airport, your Adidas airliner with your headphones, laptop and a few other things inside being the only thing you’re carrying._

You close your eyes as you relive it, and your mind reels.

‘Guys?’

Laila is there, standing in front of the table that you’re all sitting at. She’s smiling tentatively, and when she has the attention of all of you she nods her head once.

‘People are pretty much ready, so whenever you guys are, you’re free to start. Good luck, girls.’

She gives Emily a hard kiss on the top of her head and then walks over to the table where her brother is sitting.

Chloe walks in and goes over to Theo, rubbing her hand over the back of his neck. She whispers a few words in his ear and then pulls back as he replies. She nods at him and then makes to walk over to your table. You perk up as you realise he tries to pull her back, a confused look on his face. You stand and wander over to Chloe, now within earshot of the conversation.

‘I’m your fiancee, you don’t wanna sit with me?’

‘Babe, I know we’re getting married, but we’ll have a whole life to sit together, remember? Tonight I really need to be with my girls.’

‘Come on, Chloe, they have each other. I wanted to spend some time with you tonight, we’ve been so busy with the planning.’

‘That’s because I want the day to be perfect, Theo. And I need my girls, it’s not just that they need me, you know. I’ll see you later.’ ‘Everything alright?’ Chloe turns around to you, and changes her expression entirely. She smiles a little too widely, and lets go of Theo’s hand. He really is an insecure, immature man.  It makes you shiver, the fact that Chloe actually chose him.

I mean, really?

‘Yeah, let’s do this thing.’

As you walk over to the Bellas table, Stacie takes the few steps up to the smallish stage, taking the microphone from the soundman. She smiles at him curtly, and then takes a deep breath.

There’s silence.

‘Flo Fuentes was a friend to many people in this room for many years. She was weird, wacky and wonderful. She always had something funny to say, or something incredibly sassy. She’d always stand up for what she believed in, and she was honest. That’s what I know all of us loved about her. It didn’t matter what it was about, she would tell you straight. But the best part about Flo, the one we were so fortunate so see, was that she would stick by her friends whatever happened. It didn’t matter, thick or thin. If you were lucky enough to be her friend, she’d stand up for you. And this is - we wish that she could hear us right now, so, here goes…

‘The song we’ve prepared for you, Flo, is an arrangement with a piano. The piano can be taken for granted. We’ll admit that. It’s an instrument that gets played as a backing track so often that we forget what it’s like when music is made for it. Then when you bring it forward and it’s played properly, remember it at its best, at its most beautiful. We may be an acapella group, but in many ways, you were like our piano, but with a sound even more captivating. Your voice was a complete treasure to our group, Flo Fuentes. And for that, we give you the first of many tributes you shouldn’t have to hear from heaven, but thoroughly deserve. This is our gift to you, on the anniversary of your departure from this world. We mean every word.’

Stacie beckons her fellow Bellas onstage, and she puffs out a breath. That must have been incredibly hard to say, you think; you know you couldn’t have done it.

The Bellas collectively rise from their seats, you sitting down at the piano and the others taking a microphone each and standing close together on the stage, next to the piano. Chloe stands next to you, squeezing your shoulder hard as you keep trying to breathe.

You know every note inside out, but you can’t focus. It’s not just Chloe, or doing this for Flo; it’s everything.

But you have to do this.

This is for your fellow sister.

Your eyes fall closed, and your hands find the perfect keys by themselves.

You play the first riff of the song.

Then Cynthia Rose starts to sing.

_I **t’s been a long day, without you my friend**_

**_And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again_ **

Stacie comes in, and you smile at her voice. You love the way your group sounds.

**_We’ve come a long way from where we began_ **

**_And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again_ **

**_When I see you again_ **

Jessica, Ashley and Fat Amy come in with a backing vocal as you continue on the piano.

**_Why’d you have to leave so soon?_ **

**_Why’d you have to go?_ **

**_Why’d you have to leave us when we need you the most?_ **

You’d never actually heard Lily sing solo before, and it’s rather therapeutic, her voice.

**_Cause I don’t really know how to tell you_ **

**_Without feeling much worse_ **

**_We know you’re in a better place_ **

**_But it’s always gonna hurt_ **

You hear a sniffle after Fat Amy sings, and you’re pretty sure it’s Emily. You know she’s next up.

**_Carry on_ **

**_Give all the strength I need to carry on_ **

She makes it through the line without her voice breaking. You feel Chloe squeeze your shoulder as she begins to sing.

**_It’s been a long day, without you my friend_ **

**_And I’ll tell you about it when I see you again_ **

**_We’ve come a long way, from where we began_ **

**_Oh I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again_ **

**_When I see you again_ **

Your fingers keep moving over the keys of the piano, and you’ve never felt more at home in front of it. Your DJ equipment helps you make incredible music, but you’ll never get the same feeling as hearing the sound you make from a Steinway.

Jessica sings after your piano solo.

**_How do I breathe without you_ **

**_I’m feeling so cold_ **

Your fingers keep moving over the keys of the piano, and you’ve never felt more at home in front of it. Your DJ equipment helps you make incredible music, but you’ll never get the same feeling as hearing the sound you make from a Steinway.

Ashley follows straight after, of course, taking the second part of the verse.

**_I’ll be waiting right here for you_ **

**_Till the day you’re home_ **

Stacie chimes in again.

**_Carry on_ **

**_Give me all the strength I need to carry on_ **

Cynthia Rose takes the next part, belting it out loudly. She sounds awesome.

**_So let the light guide your way_ **

**_Hold every memory as you go_ **

**_And every road you take will always lead you home_ **

You keep playing the piano, knowing your chorus is next.

Breathe.

**_It’s been a long day, without you my friend_ **

**_And I’ll tell you about it when I see you again_ **

**_We’ve come a long way, from where we began_ **

The other Bellas join in as a harmony, and Chloe just fully hugs your shoulders. The tears begin to fall from your eyes, and you savour the feeling of Chloe’s arms around your neck and her cheek on your shoulder.

**_Oh I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again_ **

**_When I see you again_ **

You play the last chord on the piano, and stop.

The crowd erupts into emotional applause, and you’re pretty sure half the Bellas have begun to cry. Your hands are now free to cover Chloe’s around your neck, and you lean into her, loving the comfort she’s giving you.

It’s not about her right now, but she’s helping you through this moment. You’re helping each other.

Your sister’s resting in peace, and you’ve all given her a tribute that she more than deserved.

You sleep better that night.


	3. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday: Rehearsal dinner shenanigans, emotional sing-alongs and a midnight drive.

You were dancing in your tube socks in your hotel room

Flashing those eyes like highway signs

Light one up and hand it over, rest your head upon my shoulder

I just wanna feel your lips against my skin

(Is There Somewhere - Halsey)

You groan into the pillow when, for the second morning in a row, you’re rudely awoken by someone hammering on the door.

Only this time it’s 6am, and thankfully Luisa’s on her morning jog.

You open the door to see Laila, all ready for a casual day, donning a beanie. She’s not smiling; her face is almost expressionless.

‘Get dressed, Mitchell. We’re taking a drive.’

You gulp. You know exactly what’s coming.

‘Come on, Mitch, I’ve not got all day.’

You take a deep breath and close the door, making your way to get dressed and leave Isa a note so she doesn’t think you’re dead.

Like you’d ever be up at six in the morning by choice.

~()~

You stay silent in the car, leaning your head against the smooth glass of the Impala window. You can feel Laila side-eyeing you from the driving seat, and every now and again, you’ll hear her sigh a little.

You want to tell her, you do; you probably won’t have a choice now, but it’s just so risky and fragile. Everything in your Godforsaken life is so fucking fragile right now, and you want to smack your head against a brick wall. This isn’t fair.

You watch as Laila pulls into a diner on the side of the forested road; it looks beaten down, but the neon sign still flickers with life as the English girl parks next to it.

It’s funny, really. You only ever thought to ask why she and her brother sounded so different years after you'd met her.

He sounded like your All-American boy dude, whereas she sounded like a softer version of the rugged scratchy Londoner you met while on tour. He’d gone to boarding school in America from a young age, his parents having the money to send him, and he rarely came home except for Christmas - his accent stuck firm. Laila had only been in the U.S since college, so her accent was still firmly English.

You follow her meekly into the diner, sitting down in a booth and asking for coffee straightaway.

‘Alright, Beca. What’s going on?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You were looking incredibly uncomfortable during yesterday’s dinner. I mean I know you’re not entirely fond of my brother, but to be honest that’s nothing you haven’t handled before. Something else is going on here.’

You sigh heavily, knowing you can’t really keep it from her any longer. She’ll find out anyway.

‘It’s not him. It’s Chloe.’

‘Chloe? What’s she done?’

‘It’s not what she’s done, Laila.’ She narrows her eyes at you, not really understanding.

‘It’s all good though, because I can move on like I’m not totally in love with my best friend and have been since graduation and now she’s getting married.’

You hold back tears.  It’s like when you thought you weren’t good enough to be a music producer.

Laila just sits there, her mouth a little open, and looks out the window.

‘Beca, why didn’t you tell her?’

‘I was going to. The night of the launch party when you brought Theo along. They were talking all night, I didn’t get the chance. I’d worked up the courage for three years and then…then it just disappeared.’

Your friend leans forward, a stricken look on her face. She can’t quite believe it, you think.

‘You mean…if I hadn’t even brought Theo this… oh my God, Beca, I’m so sorry.’

‘Girls, you ready to order?’

She’s brought out of her stricken look and you both turn up to the lady who’s asked.

‘I’ll take a full English, please.’

‘Just another coffee for me, please.’

‘Dude, no this is on me. Apparently I’ve got a lot to make up for.’

‘Don’t be silly, Laila. I’m not hungry.’

‘Sure you’re not. Waffles, maple syrup, little bit of ice cream for her please, love.’

‘You got it.’

Laila puts her head on the table, taking off her beanie and running her hands through her think dark blonde mane.

‘Laila, please don’t blame yourself for this. I should have told her before. This is on me.’

‘I guess, but things could have gone so differently.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I’m sorry, Beca.’ You look her straight in the eyes, a sadness folded delicately into your own.

‘Thank you.’

She smiles back at you, the sadness reflecting in her blue eyes.

It’s all too much.

Before you realise it, you’ve been silent for over five minutes and your food is being put in front of you.

‘I can try and buy you time so you don’t have to be around them today, if you want,’ Laila offers, putting salt and a dollop of red sauce on the side of her plate. You pour your maple syrup into every nook and cranny of your waffle, and take a bite.

They’re definitely not as good as Chloe’s.

Ugh.

You eat anyway, because you are hungry. You got woken up at 6am for Christ’s sake.

‘That would be good. I kind of have an excuse anyway, I’ve got a day to write her…’

‘You’re writing her wedding song.’

‘Yeah.  Well, arranging a cover, at least.’

‘Shit, that’s freaking rough.’

‘I’m still her best friend, and I always will be. I can’t forget that because of some feelings.’

‘You’re a good person, Becs.’

You give her your most serious stare, wanting to really drive home what you’re about to say.

‘You can’t tell Emily.’

She sits back slowly in her seat, tilting her head back and putting an arm on the back of the booth as she forks a piece of bacon and eating it quickly.

‘Okay,’ she nods, ‘but I got something you can’t tell Emily too.’

‘Oh yeah? What’s up?’

‘Well, I was gonna propose to her after the wedding, once Theo and Chloe had gone. But..’

‘But what? Dude, no do it! That’s awesome.’

‘No. Not, not after what you… it wouldn’t feel right. It just wouldn’t.’

‘Okay do NOT stop it on my account. Please.’

‘No, Becs, I can’t. There’ll be another right time. I know it.’ She gives a solemn wink of her eye as she takes a sip of your coffee, and you can’t quite believe you’ve found a friend like that. This is her brother she’s talking about, her flesh and blood. And she feels sorry for you because he’s marrying the love of your life.

You don’t deserve her.

‘I’m just… I just need to get through this weekend and then things can go back to how they were before. Just…with a lot less Chloe.’

Laila tries not to give you a sympathetic look as you try not to cry into your waffles.

You hate being so fucking emotional.

~()~

You’ve been at it for hours. Not one song has come into your mind.

You’re supposed to do an acoustic version of a song, and you just don’t know what to pick.

There’s hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions by now, out there and you just don’t know how to do it. You let your head hit the keys in front of you, which emits are rather disgusting sound.

‘Tuneful,’ you hear behind you.

It’s Emily, pushing a cart of room service food into the studio and over to the table near the piano. You close your eyes momentarily and let your face crease into a smile.  She’s a little ray of sunshine in a time that’s just been so freaking dark for you.

‘I brought you a bacon and brie panini with fries and a little salad. Figured you’d need some brain food.’

‘I do have to fit into a bridesmaids dress tomorrow.’

‘Don’t worry, they’re not too fitting at the waist. You’re good.’ You chuckle at little as she comes over the piano, sitting next to you on the long stool.

‘Not much progress then?’

‘No. I just don’t know where the fuck to start. There are songs that come to my head but they’re just not right.’

‘You’ll get it, Beca, this is your thing. Don’t sweat it too much.’

‘Since when did you get all level-headed?’

‘Since I got a girlfriend who I delegate my excitement to in order to pose as an actual adult, otherwise I wouldn’t get anywhere in life. She loves it.’

You think of this morning, how now Emily’s going to have to wait for Laila to offer her the rest of her life.

Because of you.

You shake the thought away and look at her, a smile on her face. She’s always so happy, and since she delegates her excitement you’re not sure you want to see the whole thing; you had to deal with it low-key for a whole year. And you didn’t know her that well then. She’s sunshine, and that’s what she loves to be. You may not be able to deal with it all the time, being your broody DJ self, but you’re happy that she has such a carefree attitude to the world.

You remember the short period in her sophomore year, when it was semi-finals and she caught tonsilitis. She couldn’t sing with them, so she sat in the audience.

* _You’re watching from the back. You had been to almost all of her performances. Chloe’s next to you, and she gives you a quick smile, noticing the sparkle in her eye._

_You wonder how you didn’t notice how gorgeous she was before._

_Not the point, Mitchell._

_You see her in the audience, waiting apprehensively for her girls to come on stage._ _They’re fifth out of seven, two only making it through to finals at Lincoln Center. You know the drill._

_They smash it. Of course they do. It’s a rather trippy sort of set, but rather incredibly orchestrated. It’s a straight mashup of Ladytron’s Ghosts and Canned Heat’s On The Road Again. They win comfortably, and you clap along and you smile for them._

_Only Laila knows you’re there; you don’t like to spook Emily, and you don’t want her to think you’re hovering, and you certainly don’t want to put pressure on her._

_That’s when you see Emily’s face._

_She’s clapping, and she’s looking happy. But you can instantly tell that, on the inside, she’s not at all. So you decide to go and talk to her._

_‘Becs, what are you doing? We’re trying not to look like we’re mothering her!’_

_‘Chloe, look at her! She’s unhappy! Why the hell is she unhappy, the Bellas are in the finals and it’s all because she led them there!’ Chloe hesitates for a beat, before her face creases into one of realization._

_‘She thinks she’s not needed.’ You give her a look before grabbing her hand momentarily, squeezing hard before running over to Emily’s seat._

_‘Hey,’ you say, and she turns around and it’s a look of sheer surprise on her face._

_‘Beca! What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in LA.’_

_‘We’re back to run some errands with finance and stuff. I’m seeing my Dad, too.’_

_‘Oh my God, Chloe’s here too?’ She looks as if she’s about to start hyperventilating. Considering she’s already having trouble with her throat she really shouldn’t be having. ‘_

_Okay, calm down. We weren’t going to make ourselves… known…not scarce… whatever. But I noticed you… don’t look happy that your Bellas are literally top of the table,’ you say, silently loving that the new Bella’s mixer, Olive, has climbed onto the table and is doing what looks like hip thrusts while Laila tries to pull her down._

_‘It’s awesome, really. It’s just…they can do all of this. This is what they’re good at. Showmanship, the fame. I’m not. They don’t need me. I’m just the co-ordinator.’ You twist further to sit sideways in the awkward auditorium seat, and put a hand on the back of the chair._

_‘Just the co-ordinator. Just the goddamn co-ordinator. Okay. So tell me how putting this entire thing together, going through archive after archive of songs, checking their compatibility, how difficult it is to make them acapella worthy, and putting it all together with choreography and timing means you’re JUST the co-ordinator.’_

_‘It was just bad-wording, Beca. You saw them win without me!’_

_‘Don’t you get it? They won because of you. You’re the brains behind this entire thing. You’ve done what Chloe and I shared out and single handedly turned the Bellas back into the undisputed success we were before Amy went commando on POTUS. Just because you weren’t up there once sure as hell doesn’t mean they don’t need you. Because I guarantee this would fall apart without you. Laila can’t handle these girls on her own.’ You both look back to the stage, where Olive is being dragged down by the postgrad student and their tiny new beatboxer._

_‘You’re the key to it all, Legacy. Can’t run a machine like that without a cable to keep it going.’ It’s worth it when you see the smile back on her face, her excitement radiating through once more._

_Chloe joins you as you watch her go onto the stage to be embraced by Laila (maybe a little bit longer than normal for a ‘just friends’ hug) and then huddled into her girls._

_She’s done it._

_She’s proved more than a thousand times over that she’s a Bella in her own right, and she’s goddamn fabulous with it too._

_‘Lil’ baby’s gorwing up,’ Chloe says fondly, a southern twang to her voice to humour her comment further._

_You smile at her, resisting the urge to smooth down a stray red hair._

_It’s the first time you notice how much she shines like the sun in stage light._

 She’s become like your little sister, to both you and Chloe. You’ve both heard the nickname before - Acachild - the one they called her in college after learning about the friendship you and Chloe had, and the way you treated Emily that first year. It makes you wonder, maybe what it would be like to actually share a daughter with - Stop.

Not a good idea, you think.

You laugh more fully at her comment, and in a moment of pure instinct, you rest your head on her shoulder. She immediately reciprocates, leaning her head against yours.

You wish you could tell her. But it would ruin her.

‘Help me, Em.’ A few beats pass, before she puts a finger out and presses one piano key, the note ringing and reverberating through the room quietly, but it fills your head completely.

You’re drowning in it.

B.

‘Start with that. See what you come up with.’ She kisses you on the side of your head before rising, leaving the cart and walking towards the door.

She stops as she pushes the handle down, her back to the door, and she uses her body to open it slightly.

‘Eat some food, Beca, that might help too.’

She smiles earnestly before walking out of the room, the door sliding hut behind her, the handle clicking with finality. Bacon, Brie and a B note. Come on, Mitchell, you’ve got this.

You push the note down as you take a bite of your panini. You try pushing the pedal to keep it on, doing it in quavers, semiquavers. You try trilling it with the B flat. No song comes to mind.

You start doing some scales up and down, which bring nothing but sitar solos you’ve heard in India to mind. It’s the slip on the arpeggio which sparks the fire.

You forget to move your fingers apart for them; you're in such a daze you can't even play right, and you end up playing three notes of the simple C major. B, C, D. You play it again, this time looping it. You loop it one more time, and then it clicks.

Wings.

**_If these wings could fly…_ **

 You mutter a ‘yes’ under your breath before grabbing a piece of music sheet and scribbling furiously, you write down the notes and the lyrics, the chords to go under the melody, the contrasts and the harmonies.

Now you’re talking.

~()~

You’re normally fine with singing and playing at the same time, but you wonder if the four years of acapella has dented your ability. You just can’t get the piano right when you’re singing, so it’s natural that the angel that is Chloe knocks timidly on the door and enters with a beaming smile one her face to save the day.

‘Just thought I’d come check on you, we might be needing you soon for the Rehearsal Dinner things,’ she says, coming behind you and putting your hands on your shoulders.

How are you so fine with everybody touching you today? Years ago you’d have flinched away from the touch. You guess that’s what four years of college, sorority life and Chloe have done to you.

‘It’s um, it’s good. I’ve got a song. But I need a little help. I’m not really getting the piano right at a couple of points when I’m singing.’

‘You’ll be fine, you’re a pro at piano, Becs,’ she says, looking at the sheet.

‘What song is it? Your scribbles are another language to me,’ she carries on with a bemused tone. You let out a breathy laugh, side-eyeing her. ‘Could you just, sing it through for me? I need to just check it for myself. Please?’

‘Yeah, of course. Do you have the lyrics?’ Your heart jumps as she bounces over to the table, rifling through the papers.

‘They’re the fifth page.’ As she scans over them, her eyes widen as she realises what song you’ve chosen.

‘Beca…this is… this is a wonderful song. Let’s hear the piano version, oh my god this is…okay yeah, play, play,’ she rambles, chewing her fingernails which are yet to be manicured for the rehearsal dinner.

You take a deep breath, and close your eyes.

Play.

You press the keys and take the accompaniment through the first couple of bars, nodding at Chloe to come in. You are reminded how angelic her voice is, and wonder why it’s been so long since she heard Chloe sing.

**_Sunlight comes creeping in, illuminates our skin_ **

**_We watch the day go by, stories of all we did_ **

**_It made me think of you, it made me think of you_ **

You revel in the sound of her voice; it’s like velvet. She smiles and closes her eyes as the melody blossoms in her mind, bringing the notes back to her.

_**Under a trillion stars, we danced on top of cars** _

_**Took pictures of the stage, so far from where we are** _

_**They made me think of you, they made me think of you** _

Your smile widens as you continue to play. You’ve got it down to a tee.

You did anyway.

You just want to hear Chloe’s voice, just for you. Just one more time.

_**Oh lights go down, in the moment we're lost and found** _

_**I just wanna be by your side, if these wings could fly** _

_**For the rest of our lives**_  

You catch her eye, and her eyes are shining with tears.

Oh God.

You can’t look away, your hands gliding over the keys with precision and ease.

You’re transfixed.

_**I’m in a foreign state, my thoughts they slip away** _

_**My words are leaving me, they caught an aeroplane** _

_**Because I thought of you, just from the thought of you** _

She’s still staring at you, and your eyes are becoming blurred. You want to wipe them so you can see her beautiful face clearly again, but then you’d have to stop playing and she’d stop looking.

You can still see the beaming blue through your hazy stare.

_**Oh lights go down, in the moment we're lost and found** _

_**I just wanna be by your side,** _

_**If these wings could fly** _

Your vision clears a little, and you see her face looking more solemn. You begin to panic, but you continue to play.

You have to see this through.

**Oh damn these walls, in the moment we're ten feet tall**

**And how you told me after it all,** **we’d remember tonight**

**For the rest of our lives**  

You join in on the last part. You sing the high part of the harmony; you never do. It’s a wonder you get that high, but you have some inspiration on your side.

Her.

_**Oh whoa oh, oh,** _

_**Oh whoa oh, oh,** _

_**Oh whoa oh, oh,** _

_**Oh whoa oh, oh,** _

_**Oh whoa oh**_  

You let the piano die away, taking your hands away from the keys for a moment.

You just want to hear her voice on its own. It’s gold, platinum, diamond. Whatever is the most precious and more.

_**If these wings could fly**_  

Tears begin to spill from her eyes. So you help her along, taking the lower harmony this time, the way it normally is. You play again, your hands trying to slow down.

You want to savour this, let every second seep into your mind and never let it die.

_**Oh lights go down, in the moment we're lost and found** _

_**I just wanna be by your side, if these wings could fly** _

_**Oh damn these walls, in the moment we're ten feet tall** _

_**And how you told me after it all, we’d remember tonight**_  

She waits for you.

She wants you to sing the last line. You softly press the last chord before the lyrics leave your lips.

_**For the rest of our lives.**_  

She’s speechless. You’ve rendered her utterly unable to use words.

She snaps back into reality after a few long seconds, wiping her cheek roughly with her thin white cardigan sleeve, staining it seethrough.

The love of your life walks over to the piano, sitting down on the stool next to you. You don’t know what you’re waiting for, but the silence is painful.

It’s deafening. She takes your cheeks softly in her hands, and for a paralysing moment you think she might kiss you, but you should never hope too hard. That’s when you get punched in the heart.

She smiles a thin-lipped smile, showing she’s fighting more tears. Pulling your head towards her, she kisses you soundly on the forehead, a glacial kiss that lasts for hours in your head and seconds in reality. You revel in the feeling of her lips on your skin and you know you’ll never let it go till the day you leave this Earth.

‘Becs, that was…’

‘A song fit for a blushing bride?’

‘And then some. It’s heart-stopping, Beca.’ You smile at her timidly, afraid of doing anything else with any sort of confidence. She pulls you in a tight hug, and you rest a hand in her hair and the other on her upper back, gripping her hair almost tightly.

She smells like home.

And when she pulls away, it’s like not being there on Christmas day.

‘You’ve made my wedding, my first dance, a kind of special nobody else will ever have,’ she says, her eyes still shining that impossible cerulean. ‘For that, I can never thank you enough.’

‘Not tripping up would be start,’ you say, laughing breathily somewhat before pulling back to look at her tear-streaked face. You reach up with your thumb to wipe another stray tear that’s escaped, and her eyelids lower as your hand touches her ivory skin.

It’s almost…sensual. It’s like there’s something else there and you know you’re not imagining it.

A second later, she’s smiling with her eyes again, pulling away and walking for the door. You follow her with your arms crossed, essentially walking her out.

‘I gotta get ready for dinner. Meet you downstairs? Half eight?’

‘Yup.’

‘Thank you, Beca. It’s an incredibly important piece of the puzzle. My wedding is going to be amazing, Becs. And so much of it is because of you.’

She leaves you with one more smile, letting the door shut in her wake. You let your back the wall next to it softly, sliding down so you’re slumped on the floor by the guitars.

As you mourn what’s left of your dignity and your resolve to get through this weekend without collapsing, you realise one almost crucial thing.

You realise that whenever she’s talked about the wedding plans, she hasn’t mentioned Theo once.

~()~

You’re walking out of the bathroom when you see Luisa putting in her earrings. She turns around, smiling softly when she sees you in your dress.

‘You look wonderful, Maus.’

‘You too, Isa.’

She’s wearing a blue laced dress, that hugs her down to her mid thigh. The lining disappears on the arms, leaving them bare bar the thin lace. Her hair is in a low bun, her eye makeup soft and her earrings dangling almost to her shoulders. She’s an air of beauty, and the Kommissar is shining through.

You find it slightly strange, but you’re rather glad Chloe’s chosen not to rehearse the wedding through. She wanted it to be ‘authentic’, and wanted to experience it only once. It is the only day she’ll get like it, after all. But of course, tradition calls for a dinner; and Chloe is never one to shy away from a party opportunity.

Hilda and Pietro Milardo are hosting it, much to their insistence. You’ve met both of them before, at Bella performances. Pietro is an Italian businessman, Hilda an English socialite with a bubbly attitude; having lived in England for over forty years since attending university there, you recall that Pietro’s Italian accent has all but disappeared. You wonder if, in forty years, Laila will have an American accent.

‘Are you excited for tonight?’

‘Yeah, it should be a good party. I’m more excited about afterwards though. You’re still hosting it right?’

‘Oh yes. I’m ready to see some discord between the Champion Bellas.’

‘I bet, Das Second Machine,’ you fire back. She used to bristle at the quip, but now she just laughs, pushing her knuckles against your cheek and away. You stand, and she follows, still towering over you; you’re wearing five inch stilettos.

One day, she’ll wear flats when you wear heels.

You feel her grab onto your wrist before your hand can touch the door handle.

‘I am always here, maus. Do not forget this. Ja?’

You don’t turn around, staring hard at the white door in front of you as you search for composure.

‘Ja.’

~()~

Oh, hurry time is running out

But don't you run away, run away

Before you tell her you love her

(Tell Her You Love Her - Echosmith)

It’s nearing the end of the dinner now, and you sit at the main table next to Aubrey and Hilda.

You’ve had a long chat with Hilda; she’s told you all about her gardening, how proud she is of her daughter - you’ve both talked about Laila. You like how much she cares about her daughter. Part of you wishes your mother had been the same, but alas. Life doesn’t always work out that way.

You snap out of your dreamworld when Emily taps the mic on stage, Laila at the side smiling earnestly.

‘Um okay, uh, hi, everybody, how’s everyone doing tonight?’

Murmurs from the tables erupt around the room, and you grin at Emily’s nervousness. She’s performed in front of crowds upwards of the 30,000 and supported Taylor Swift at the Superbowl.

But she’s nervous about performing at her dear friend’s rehearsal dinner.

‘Alright, awesome. Congratulations, to you both, Chloe, and Theo, and Chloe you know how much I completely adore you. You’ve helped me grow and change and become somebody I never even thought possible. So thank you, and I’m so glad you’ve reached this, amazing point of your life. I love you.’

You see Chloe’s eyes shine with tears as Emily looks straight at her.

‘But this song, this is um…this is for you, Theo. I’d like you to listen to the lyrics really hard, because they’re instructions…well not instructions, more like - guidelines. Yeah, that’s it. And I want you to remember them when you’re waiting for my big sister at the end of that aisle tomorrow.’

Theo nods at her, smiling slightly as a cue to begin.

Laila comes on stage, grabbing her guitar and a stool for herself; they’re high stools, and both the girls are sitting on one. The brother of the groom looks at her counterpart, and watches her nod before beginning to strum. Emily takes a deep breath, blowing it out quickly before closing her eyes and letting the melody take her.

_**Tell her a story, tell her the honest truth** _

_**Y** _ _**ou treat her better, make sure to see it through** _

_**Don’t just be everything she wants, be everything she needs** _

_**When she says she loves you, tell her you love her, too**_  

You look over at Theo, who’s grabbing Chloe’s hand and smiling at her, as she gestures for him to watch Emily.

He begrudgingly does so as Laila adds in a harmony.

_**Oh whoa oh, ooh whoa ohhh, whoa oh** _

_**Oh oh, oh whoa, oh, whoa oh** _

 Laila takes her lips away from the microphone, looking at the crowd momentarily.

You avert her gaze.

This is already painful.

_**G** _ _**ive her a reason, a reason to love all you do** _

_**She’ll tell you secrets, you’ll tell her secrets, too** _

_**She’ll tell all her hopes and dreams, you’ll tell them too** _

_**When she says she loves you, tell her you love her too**_  

You look to the side, and see Luisa with her eyes firmly on you. They’re glistening.

She gives you a sad smile, and you simply stare back for a few seconds before your eyes land on Emily again.

_**When she says she loves you, tell her you love her too** _

_**Oh whoa oh, ooh whoa ohhh, whoa oh** _

_**Oh oh, oh whoa, oh, whoa oh**_  

You know exactly what’s coming up. These lyrics are going to sucker punch you in the heart.

But you’ll stay strong for Emily, for Luisa, for Laila. For Aubrey, even.

For Chloe.

_**But don’t you, run away, run away, when you get tired** _

_**Cause this will, slip away, slip away, and start a fire** _

_**That can never be put out** _

_**Oh, hurry time is running out** _

_**But don’t you, run away, run away** _

_**Before you tell her you love her** _

_**Oh whoa oh, ooh whoa ohhh, whoa oh** _

_**Oh oh, oh whoa, oh, whoa oh**_  

You suck in air like you’re at the top of Mount Everest and there’s nearly none left. Aubrey notices you, looking away from the stage, and you don’t realise she’s reached under the table and into your lap until your hand in is a tight vice-like grip. You look right into her eyes and you see support you could never get from anyone else. Steadfast, hard-ass, but totally devoted.

You thank God for Aubrey right now.

_**When she says she needs you, tell her you need her, too** _

_**Y** _ _**ou tell her clearly, speak what your heart wants you to** _

_**Tell her she’s lovely, always tell her the truth** _

_**When she says she loves you** _

_**Tell her you love her too**_  

The song’s almost over, and you concentrate on Laila, who’s strumming away on the guitar easily. 

_**But don’t you run away, run away, when you get tired** _

_**Cause this will, slip away slip away, and start a fire** _

_**That can never be put out** _

_**Oh, hurry time is running out** _

_**B** _ _**ut don’t you, run away, run away,** _

_**Before you tell her you love her**_  

You catch Laila’s eye at the last minute, before the final lyrics are sung.

You can read all her looks. You’ve learned them like a language over the last few years. The ‘I’m desperate’ look, the ‘I could really use a hug’ look, and of course the ‘Emily would want it’ look.

You can instantly tell this is ‘I’m sorry’.

_**She says she’ll love you Tell her you’ll love her too.** _

You notice the slight change in lyric as everyone erupts into applause, you take the golden opportunity to leave for the balcony that overlooks the bay. God, you need some air.

You hate this. You hate that, on your best friend’s big weekend, the one time all the focus should be on her and she should be being loved and supported unconditionally, she’s not.

Because Laila, Aubrey, Luisa, even Jesse; they’re all pitying you.

You hate yourself even more.

‘Beca?’ You whirl around quickly, hastily drying your cheeks. They’re leaking like mad all the time and you can’t stop it. You never cry. This fucking weekend is driving you insane.

‘What’s wrong with you? You just upped and left. Not cool,’ she says, slightly pissed off that her other big sister wasn’t there for the big sister she sang for.

‘Sorry, just… I needed some air.’

‘You’ve been crying. What is going on with you, you’ve been funny all weekend, today you were miserable, asking for help, I mean come on! When the hell do you ever ask for help?’

‘Emily…’

‘No, don’t Emily me! I know you went out with Laila this morning, and she didn’t breathe a word. She never lies to me. You’re making my girlfriend lie to me, for what Beca? What is up with you?’

‘It’s not something you need to know.’

‘It’s making a dent in your best friend’s weekend, and I noticed pretty easily. I think I do.’

‘It’s not your business, Emily, don’t push me.’

‘Are you in love with Theo, or something? Is that what this is about?’

Your heart stops at that, almost, but when she says Theo it starts again.

‘Don’t be ridiculous, that’s fucking stupid. I wouldn’t do that to Chloe.’

‘So what then, what is this? Come on you have to -'

‘Is everything alright here?’

You look over Emily’s shoulder to see Luisa standing there, looking like the Kommissar that is so revered and respected.

‘I’m talking to my friend, it’s fine. What do you want?’

‘Hey, don’t talk to her like that, she’s not part of this.’

‘You’re right, she’s not. It’s not her business.’

‘That’s as maybe, but you don’t get to go round acting like a bitch all of sudden. This isn’t you.’

Emily stands there with a solid unimpressed glare on her face, and she looks down momentarily and she gathers herself and takes a breath.

‘No. You’re right. It’s not. But this is how it’s gonna be until you tell me what has got you so fucked about this wedding.’

‘Em…’

‘I’ll see you in the courtyard,’ she mutters, turning away and almost bumping into Luisa as she stomps back inside.

You let your eyelids fall as Luisa walks over to you, letting your head collapse into her chest.

You don’t cry, you just take deep breaths and put your arms around Luisa, who kisses you on the forehead and hugs you back.

‘You know it’s better if she doesn’t know, liebling.’

‘Yeah,’ you murmur as you look across the bay while in Luisa’s arms. What you don’t know is Chloe is looking right at you through the window, a veiled glare souring her features and her spirit.

And she doesn’t even know why.

~()~

Chloe has been blindfolded, and Aubrey and Amy are leading to the courtyard where rest of the Bellas and some other familiar faces are loitering.

‘Guys, come on, I’m getting married tomorrow!’

‘Exactly,’ Aubrey replies, stopping Chloe in the right spot, ‘which is why you need one last riff off with your Barden Bellas, as Chloe Beale, Barden Bella Co-captain.’

She takes the blindfold away to find everyone smiling at her, all ready to go.

‘So what’s happening right now?’ Luisa steps out from the gaggle of women, smiling dangerously. She’s the co-ordinator of the riff off, and damn if she doesn’t look fierce.

‘It’s every Bella woman for herself out here, Chloe. All you have to do is match the beat and outshine the next Bella. Whichever song can’t be sung over within a minute is the winner.’

Chloe’s confusion dissipates and she puts her game face on. Damn, you love the game face. You take that as a sign she's ready.

‘Alright, Lilly. Drop a beat and let the riff off begin.’

And so she does. It’s fast, and you know just what song to sing. Who doesn’t like a little nostalgia?

_**I got my ticket for the long way round** _

_**T** _ _**wo bottle of whiskey for the way** _

When you hear the others join in with backing vocals you begin to feel much more in your element. Oh yeah. This is Beca Mitchell, reporting for duty.

_**And I sure would like some sweet company and I’m leaving tomorrow, what do you say?** _

_**When I’m gone, when I’m gone,** _

_**You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone** _

_**You’re gonna miss me by my hair, you’re gonna miss me everywhere** _

_**Oh you’re sure gonna miss me when I’m -** _

_**Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck** _

_**Some nights I call it a draw** _

Before you know it, Aubrey’s stolen your thunder and your limelight, with Fun.’s Some Nights a little speedier than normal.

_**Some nights I wish that my lips would build a castle** _

_**Some nights I wish they’d just fall off** _

_**And I still wake up and I see your ghost** _

_**Oh lord I’m still not sure, what I stand for, oh, whoa oh** _

_**What do I stand for? What do I stand for?** _

_**Most nights, I don’t know… It’s going down**_  

You back CR up when she waltzes in with their Kennedy Centre Performance of Timber.

Damn, this is one talented group of ladies. You love these people so much, and you really don’t know what you’d do without them.

_**I’m yelling Timber, you better move** _

_**You better dance** _

_**Let’s make a night you won’t remember** _

_**I’ll be the one you won’t forget** _

Everyone joins in on the backing vocals except Stacie, who’s obviously getting ready to jump in.

You smirk at her, and she winks back at you, and you wait for the inevitable. Just before Cynthia starts to rap, she goes in for the kill. _**I’m a shooting star flying through the sky**_

_**Like a tiger, defying the laws of gravity** _

_**I’m a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva** _

_**I gotta go, oh, oh there’s no stoppin’ me** _

You harmonise her and she smiles uncontrollably, one upping Cynthia and getting all up in her face, the latter not really minding at all. _**I’m burnin’ through the sky, yeah,**_

_**Two hundred degrees that’s what they call me Lady Farenheit,** _

_**I’m travellin’ at the speed of light,** _

_**I know I’ll make a supersonic woman of you, Don’t stop me -** _

You see Emily about to swipe in and there’s no way to save Stacie’s plight.

The song’s a little repetitive, but eh. She makes it sound pretty good.  Riff offs have never been her favourite thing, but she got a lot better at them despite singing an original in her first one.

Chloe backs her with a couple of electric sounding vocals; the things she can do with her mouth.

Oh, boy. Shut up, Beca, shut UP.

_**How I wish that you were mine, my my my, my my my my my mine,** _

_**How I wish that you were mine, my my my, my my my my my -**_  

Laila cuts in, getting extremely close to Emily’s face.

_**Hold back the river let me look in your eyes, hold back the river so I** _

_**Can stop for a minute and just be by your side** _

She’s taken the baton and is singing to her girlfriend, who’s fighting a smirk despite the fact she got knocked off her pedestal by her one and only.

You find it rather hilarious.

_**Hold back the river, hold back** _

_**Oh, oho, oho, oho,** _

_**Oho, oho, oh whoa oh whoa**_  

Fat Amy comes up behind Laila and gently pushes her out the way, breaking into her ballad number. Everything’s so dramatic with Amy and you can’t help but love it.

_**Don’t you remember,** _

_**Don’t you remember,** _

_**The reason you left me** _

_**Before** _

_**Won’t you remember me once more?** _

She’s about to go into the verse when Chloe just comes over and…well.

Shuts. Her. Down.

_**You shout it out** _

_**But I can’t hear a word you say** _

_**You’re talking loud, Not saying much**_  

She looks at you for backup, and as she begins the next bit of the verse, you fall in love with her all over again.

_**I** **’m criticised, but all your bullets ricochet** _

_**Y** _ _**ou shoot me down, but I get up** _

You know exactly what she wants you to do.

So you walk over to her, take the lower harmony, and sing it as sweetly as you know how.

Your mind is consumed by the memory of her voice in the shower.

_**I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose** _

_**Fire away, fire away** _

_**Ricochet, you take your aim** _

_**Fire away, Fire away** _

_**You shoot me down, but I won’t fall,** _

_**I am Titanium** _

_**You shoot me down,** _ _**but I won’t fall,** _

_**I am Titanium** _

 When Aubrey steps up, you think the riff off’s going to continue, but that’s it.  

Titanium carries on.

_**Cut me down But it’s you who’ll have further to fall**_  

Then Stacie. Jessica and Ashley start singing a little back up, and it’s forming into a real song.

It’s wonderful.

_**Ghost town** _

_**A** _ _**nd haunted love** _

Then Fat Amy.

_**Raise your voice** _

_**Sticks and stones may break my bones**_  

Emily comes in for the last line before the chorus

_**I’m talking loud, Not sayin’ much**_  

You and Chloe start the chorus again, and now it’s beginning to sound like a real dubstep cover as Lily mixes the beat up a little, Laila helps her out and all the other Bellas begin to sing their very own parts.

How the hell can they do this after so long?

You’ll never know.

_**I** **’m bulletproof, nothing to lose** _

_**Fire away, fire away** _

_**Ricochet, you take your aim** _

_**Fire away, Fire away** _

_**You shoot me down, but I won’t fall** _

_**I** _ _**am Titanium** _

_**You shoot me down, but I won’t fall** _

_**I am Titanium**_  

The vocals continue as you get ready to sing the bridge. You’re beginning to get emotional again.

This is the last time you’ll do this with Chloe; really have a good jam session with your Bellas and Chloe firmly in the picture.

You want to cry, but you have to stay strong.

This is your song, you and her. You’re not messing this up.

_**Stone heart, machine gun** _

_**Firing at the ones who run**_  

Chloe takes the last two lines. You listen in awe.

_**Stone heart, loves bulletproof glass…**_  

You both join the chorus again, belting your hearts out. It’s beautiful.

_**I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose** _

_**Fire away, fire away** _

_**Ricochet, you take your aim** _

_**Fire away, Fire away** _

_**You shoot me down,** _

_**but I won’t fall** _

_**I am Titanium**_  

The vocals stop, and you and Chloe hesitate. When the girls smile back at you both, you face each other, singing by yourselves in harmony.

_**You shoot me down, but I won’t fall I am Titanium** _

 When Chloe launches at you, you don’t really react. You take a few seconds to put your arms around her, hugging her with all you have.

She smells like home again.

Dammit.

~()~

Everyone is about to retire to their respective rooms, except that Beca will be sleeping in Chloe’s room for tonight - Maid of Honour duties and all that. Considering how little work she’s done, she doesn’t really feel she’s deserving of it, but Chloe insists it’s the tradition. The bride, maid of honour and head bridesmaid must have a slumber party the day before.

Well, it’s a new tradition, anyway.

‘Hey, Chloe can I just steal Beca for a second? Won’t be long, promise.’

‘Sure sweetheart,’ she says, going over and kissing her on the cheek. She puts her hand where she’d just kissed.

‘Thank you for singing that song, Em. It was beautiful.’

‘No problem. See you tomorrow,’ she says, not looking as boundingly happy as usual.

Of course, that has something to do with you.

Nice going, Mitchell.

Once she sees Chloe is out of sight and you’re alone in the courtyard, she turns to you.

You’re surprised that she doesn’t still look angry. She’s almost emotionless, but you can see some pain there.

Oh no.

‘It’s not Theo you’re in love with, is it?’

You don’t even try to deny it.

You stand there, blinking a little more furiously than usual.

‘I’m…I’m sorry for getting so angry at you.’

‘Laila bullied it out of me…it’s bad enough that some people know already. I can’t risk this getting out. It would ruin everything and I will be fucking damned if Chloe’s dream is ruined because of me.’

‘I understand. Who else knows?’

‘Laila, Aubrey, Luisa…Jesse does too, but he’s not here.’

‘You told Aubrey and not me?’

‘I… I know. I’m sorry. She kind of worked it out of herself. I told Jesse when I broke up with him. He’s never really been fazed by it. And Luisa…she’s… kept me sane.’

‘Doesn’t she have a thing for you?’

‘Not anymore. We dated like twice. Then we moved in together.’

‘Casual.’

You both stand there for a moment.

‘Yeah.’ You look down at the ground, unable to look at her.

‘I’m sorry…’ You don’t see her face morph into one of sheer sadness.

‘I don’t need any more pity, Em. I’ve had enough of that this weekend. I just need to get through it and get over her.’

You don’t hear a reply from Emily, but instead you’re wrapped in her arms. It takes a little while for you to compute, to wrap your arms around her chest and lean into her shoulder.

She’s still taller than you even with the heels on.

‘This isn’t pity, Becs. This is my comforting my big sister. We all need a hug sometimes, even in love robots like you.’ You smirk at that.

‘Go be with her. Enjoy tonight.’

‘Seriously, stop being so fucking wise and mellow. It’s scaring me.’

‘Nope.’

‘Ugh.’ You let go of her and walk in Chloe’s direction.

‘See you later, Legacy.’

‘Later, Bec.’

~()~

If I could, baby I'd give you my world

How can I, when you won't take it from me?

You can go your own way

You can call it another lonely day

(Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac)

‘Chloe, I think you’ve had enough now sweetie,’ Aubrey coos, trying to pry the vodka bottle out of the bride’s manicured fingers.

‘But, but party?’

‘Come on, Beale, we’ve had a good party. Now it’s time for your beauty sleep so you can get married tomorrow without throwing up on your husband’s Paul Smiths.’

You guide her to the double bed in the room which lies in between the two generous single beds for you and Aubrey, settling her into the duvet cover and pulling it up to her chest. She’s still sitting up a little, and you take the offered glass of water from Aubrey and hand it to your best friend slowly.

‘Drink up, it’ll help with tomorrow’s headache a little more.’

‘But water’s so boring, it’s like…eating celery. Nobody likes celery because it tastes of nothing.’

‘I know sweetie, but think of Theo. He needs you bright and ready for tomorrow, and you need to do that dress justice. No bags under your eyes for you, missy,’ Aubrey says, sitting on the bed in line with Chloe’s hips. You’re kneeling down by her head, stroking her hair softly as she computes Aubrey’s words. It’s too domestic, sitting here like this, and you shouldn’t dream of Aubrey not being in the picture and Chloe looking at you like Theo looks at her.

But you do.

‘Okay. I’m getting married tomorrow,’ Chloe snickers, laughing with her eyes knit tightly closed.

‘Yeah you are, ginger ninja,’ you say, amused by Chloe’s sheer inability to comprehend. Aubrey laughs along with you, and then goes to the bathroom to freshen up.

‘There’s gonna be flowers, and reception, and cake, I love cake…and my girls will be with me, Beca’s gonna be there…’

‘I’m right here, Chlo.’

‘I know, and you’ll still be there tomorrow, right? Because I can’t get married if you’re not there. Ever. Ever ever.’

‘I know. I’m always gonna be there for you. Even when you’re a married fartbutt with a hunchback.’

‘How dare you say I’ll be a hunchback! Imma age with grace, like Helen Mirror and Sound of Music lady.’

‘Okay, babe. Goodnight.’

‘Okay, night night Becs. I love you. Don’t forget that.'

Your heart stops in the middle of rising from your position by the bed.

‘Never. I love you too.’

She’s already snoring softly. You knock on the bathroom door and Aubrey opens the door, toothbrush sticking out of her mouth and eyebrows raised, ready for whatever shenanigans you have now.

‘I’m um, I’m gonna go out for a little while,’ you say, quickly facing away from Aubrey to grab your phone, key and wallet from the table in the small living space.  Aubrey spits and puts a hand on the door frame, eyeing you suspiciously.

‘Beca, it’s almost 2am, and your best friend is getting married tomorrow. Really?’

‘Yeah. There’s something that I need to do.’

‘What’s going on, Mitchell?’

‘Just…I gotta do this. Please?’

Aubrey looks you in the eye, to see if you’re just fucking with her. You let her do what she wants, because you’re not really up for dealing with her pedantic shit right now.

‘Okay.’

~()~

You drive over an hour.

Once you’ve parked your car in Cleveland, Ohio, you head straight for the one place you remember when you and Chloe went there on a trip one time, not long after you and Jesse had split up.

_'Come on, one drink.’_

_‘You only wanna go in there because there’s a karaoke night tonight.’_

_‘_ _It’s a Saturday night! Free to sing to your heart’s content until five am. With drinks. Why not?’_

_‘Fine. But I pick the song.’_

_‘But I have such a good one ready!’_

_‘…Maybe.’_

It’s just like you recall. The small karaoke stage being occupied by some jackass in a Cavaliers Swingman, the hillbilly cowboys sat nursing beers at the bar.

‘Beer, please. Can I get the song list?’

‘Sure, sweetpea.’

You fight the urge to sneer at him.

Sweetpea. Who calls people that unless they’re grandmas, perverts or best friends taking the piss out of each other?

He wordlessly hands over the song list and a beer, and you slap down five dollars and tell him to keep the change in a curt tone. He takes it tentatively and back away, to his comfort zone and his cowabunga friends.

You look through the folder, swiping to the right page. It’s still in here. _  
_

_'Beca, it might help you let go a little! It’ll be good for you. Trust me.’_

_‘How is Fleetwood Mac going to make me feel better about a breakup? I don’t feel the need to want to give Jesse my world.’_

_‘I know, but it’s the concept! It’s cleansing, trust me. I sang it in my apartment when Tom and I broke up. It works!’_

_‘You’re singing it with me.’_

_‘Fine by me. Beale and Mitchell killing it onstage once more.’_

_‘You’re the biggest dork.’_

_‘You know it, Becs.’_  

Fifteen minutes passes by, and your name is called by the teenager in a trilby who looks like a busker who’s actually obscenely wealthy. You knock back the rest of your beer and jump off the stool, ready to test out the theory of its cleansing ability.

You take the microphone from him, and you don’t care any more.  Who can see you. Who sees this.

You need this to work. You need to get her out.

The lyrics are a lot more relevant this time.

**_Loving you Isn't the right thing to do_ ** **_How can I ever change things that I feel?_ **

You take the microphone out of its holder, and you really feel it now. You really think this can help you.

**_If I could Baby I'd give you my world_ **

**_How can I When you won't take it from me?_ **

**_You can go your own way_ **

**_Go your own way_ **

**_You can call it another lonely day_ **

**_You can go your own way_ **

**_Go your own way_ **

Belting out the chorus gets you hot, a little sweaty, even.

But the lights aren’t blinding you. You keep going.

It’ll work, it will.

_**Tell me why** _

_**Everything turned around** _

_**P** _ _**acking up** _

_**S** _ _**hacking up's all you wanna do** _

_**If I could** _

_**Baby I'd give you my world** _

_**Open up** _

_**Everything's waiting for you** _

Goddammit. Any second now.

_**You can go your own way** _

_**Go your own way** _

_**You can call it another lonely day** _

_**You can go your own way** _

_**Go your own way**_  

As the guitar music continues, you walk out of the bar before it even fades out.

On the deserted Cleveland street, you go over to the side of the building near where your car is parked.

You punch the wall as hard as you can.

Your hand hurts like a bitch, and your knuckles are bleeding, but you can’t really bring yourself to care.

Sliding down the wall so you’re sitting on the dirty sidewalk floor, you wipe your good hand down your face and close your eyes.

Only three words stay with you once you drag yourself off the floor after half an hour, get in your car and drive back to Sandusky, the sun already coming up as speed past the town line.

It didn’t work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you aren't dying come yell at me at dassoundmachina on Tumblr. Also, actual wedding next chapter. Ooh drama.


	4. Sunday: The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just...feels. Sorry.

Got a feeling that I'm going under  
But I know that I'll make it out alive  
If I quit calling you my lover  
Move on  
(Stitches - Shawn Mendes/Hailee Steinfeld)

 

You remind yourself to breathe as you look into the bathroom mirror.

Today is the day.

After this, nothing will ever be same. Chloe will never have the capacity to be yours. She will be tied to another person so concretely that she will never want to be with you.

Your heart shreds at the thought.

You wonder how there’s any of it left.

Taking your make-up bag with you, you get ready for when you leave for the room prepared for the bridal party.

Your bag is sitting on the bed, flat and limp as there isn’t much in it, so you find the things you need and pack it quickly. Your dress hangs on the top of the bathroom door, reminding you that it’s not purple and not the white you wish it to be.

You’d never really thought about marriage, not before Chloe. It was such an odd concept to you, since your parents’ ended so unpleasantly that anybody would put themselves through such hardship and pain. But when Chloe had asked you, and you’d come up with the answer - that if you were sure, then it didn’t matter where you had it, your wedding would be wonderful because the person you loved was there - everything changed.

And when you fell in love with her, you wished you’d kept it the way it was before. That you hadn’t given it thought to answer her.

Because now, all you want is to be in Theo’s place.

Theo.

You don’t like him. You never have. Despite being Laila’s brother, he’s rather obnoxious and sometimes could be rather arrogant. You didn’t feel he loved Chloe in the way she needed to be loved; but that’s not your place to decide. It’s difficult to have to come to terms with that fact that, because you weren’t brave enough, it never was and never would be.

You can’t help but think, anyway, that you could give her all this. You could give her the dream wedding. You could buy her a beautiful dress, and you - maybe you’d wear a suit, you don’t really know - could have one too, and you could have her standing by you at the end of that aisle, telling you she loved you.

But no more. Not now. He’s there for that. You have to accept that, or you’ll never be happy.

Being tough was something you’d always thought you’d be without any problem.

But because Chloe has broken you down so easily, digging through your the foundations of your walls and removing them brick by brick, it takes so much more energy to bury your emotions, to make them stay away so you can act tough like you used to.

And sometimes, it still doesn’t work.

Luisa wakes, stretching her arms up high and you smirk a little.

‘Mornin’ sleepyhead. Good night?’

‘Absolutely. Your Bellas are some drinkers though, and I come from the land of Oktoberfest.’

You chuckle a little to yourself, reminiscing absent-mindedly about some of the wild nights you’d had as a Barden Bella.

‘Why am I not surprised?’

Luisa sits up fully and smiles. She looks pretty good, for waking up with a hangover.

Suddenly, a surge of emotion hits you. Your mind flutters back to the dates you’d shared with this woman. How awkward the first one had been; you’d really hit it off in the second, though, sharing stories and laughs so naturally. But it would only ever be friendship, and you both knew that.

‘I know you are strong, liebling. But if you need me, you pull me aside straight away and you tell me. Do you understand?’

You look her straight in the eyes, the sincerity pouring through them.

‘Thank you.’

You sit on the edge of her bed, close to her. She is questioning you in her stare, wondering why your eyes have filled with tears and your mouth in a frown that tries to rein in the tears above.

‘I really wish,’ you begin, closing your eyes momentarily to gather your strength.

‘What, Bella?’ She doesn’t react visibly as you put a hand on her cheek.

‘I wish I could love you,’ you whisper, holding in a sob.

‘We would make a fine pair, would we not, liebling?’ Luisa is emotional now, too.

‘I know. But we’re both so…’

‘Broken.’

‘I hate to agree, but yes. We are, aren’t we?’

‘That’s why we need each other. We may not be able to love each other that way, but we most certainly can be the support that only best friends can give.’

She smiles, and you lean in, kissing her fully. She reciprocates, pressing her lips firmly to yours. You pull away after a few seconds, wanting to cry your heart out.

This woman could be your everything, it would be so easy to make it happen. To learn to love her.

But she isn’t Chloe Beale.

She understands why you did that. You had to try just one more time. You had to see if you could feel something. But neither of you did. It just isn’t there.

‘I’ll see you at the wedding, okay?’

Luisa nods, not letting you rise from your seated position just yet.

She puts her hands on both your cheeks.

‘Be strong, feisty maus. Be the wonderful woman I know you are.’

She kisses you on the forehead, and lets you rise.

You smile at her earnestly before picking off your dress from the bathroom door, leaving your hotel room with a tear escaping from your eye.

~()~

You stop on the way to the room, thinking they might not be there for a little while.

You knock softly, hoping you won’t wake anybody up.

Aubrey answers the door, coming out of it with her room key.

Her face is like _fire_.

‘Where the everliving fuck have you been, Beca Mitchell?’

Your eyes widen comically at Aubrey’s swearing; it’s certainly not something you hear every day with Aubrey Posen. It doesn’t sound right coming out of her mouth.

‘I…it doesn’t matter, Aubrey. I’m back.’

‘Really? It doesn’t matter? The Maid of Honour just decides to up and leave in the middle of the night the day before the wedding, and doesn’t even call? Where. Did. You. Go?’

‘Aubrey, just let me in.’

‘No. Tell me.’

‘Aubrey…’

‘Just…I…’

‘What?!’

You sigh heavily. You can’t exactly keep it from her.

‘I drove to Cleveland. I had to do something.’

‘You drove to _Cleveland_? What the Dixie Chicks is in Cleveland that you need to drive to see at 3am?’

‘It’s not really your business, Aubrey. Now let me in.’

‘Beca, it is my business if you’re going to -‘

‘No. It’s not. I needed to do it. It’s done. I got back. I’m here. I’m not late. I’m ready. Drop it.’

You say it with such finality it even shocks Aubrey. When you move to take the key from her and get in the room, she easily relents, the card slipping out of her hand before you shove it in the keycard reader and open the door roughly.

‘Careful,’ she says, rather unconvincingly. ‘Chloe’s still sleeping.’

You see it before she says it, noticing the mass of ginger hair splayed against the pillow of the large double bed.

‘She’s not moved since you put her to bed.’

‘Check if she’s not dead?’

Aubrey scoffs, not taking your joke in the intended manner as you lightly deposit your bag on the bed that was supposed to be yours, laying your dress beside it.

You try and busy yourself and avoid Aubrey’s gaze, pulling out your toothbrush and toothpaste and going into the large bathroom.

You realise that you’ve probably been in there about five minutes when you zone back into reality, as you’re brushing with a cleaned toothbrush devoid of toothpaste.

When you reluctantly go out to face Aubrey, you see her sitting on the bed.

You stop when she begins to talk quietly, almost under her breath, and you’re not even sure it’s to you.

‘I can’t believe this… this is really going to happen. Everything’s going to be so different. It won’t be double dates any more,’ she begins, and your mind wanders to the distant memories of you and Chloe going to Aubrey and Jesse’s brand new apartment in Palm Springs. He’s not really fond of Jesse. I can’t help but think how easy it would be if…if it wasn’t him. If it was…’

‘Yeah,’ you say, knowing who she was going to mention. You never thought Aubrey had been entirely fond of you either, but you had warmed up to her. Her strength and her policy of not taking shit from anybody, especially after she stood up to her father, had really made you admire her.

You had no idea she wished that it was you instead of Theo. It’s almost a comfort.

Just then, as if she had known the conversation had wilted, Chloe stretches dramatically and begins to sit up.

Aubrey snaps out of her dreamworld and goes over to sit by Chloe on the bed, perching on the side with a full glass of water in her hand.

Where the hell had that come from? She’s like a fucking wizard.

‘Hey there, sweetie. How are you feeling?’

It takes Chloe a few seconds to sit up and respond, and she squints a little before opening her eyes properly. She takes the water from Aubrey and you hear her speak from inside the little living room area.

‘Where’s Beca? I woke up at like three and she wasn’t in her bed.’

You glide into the room, wanting to put Chloe at ease and not begin to worry her about your whereabouts of the previous night.

‘I was here. I was probably…I think, yeah I was just in the living room. I worked on a couple of mixes, couldn’t sleep.’

‘Did you get any sleep though?’

You stand in the way of Chloe’s view of your bed, not wanting to worry her.

‘Yeah, I’m okay, dude. Don’t worry about me. It’s not my big day,’ you say, putting on a smile as you say those last two words.

*Big day*.

The one you’ve dreaded for months.

‘Yeah. Oh my God, I’m getting married today.’

‘Yes you are, Chloe Beale. Not for much longer now, though huh?’ Aubrey chirps, desperately trying to draw attention away from the perfectly made bed, which you go over to and pretend to be fiddling with your bag. You’re actually just fluffing up the sheets as best you can.

Once that’s done, you relax a little. One less thing to deal with today.

You’ve got enough on your plate as it is.

Chloe gets out of bed, padding her way to the bathroom, and you turn to look at Aubrey.

‘Alright Mitchell. Let’s get this girl ready for her wedding, she’s got her list ready.’

‘Alright.’

You both begin to gather things up ready to take the the room prepared as Chloe freshens up in the bathroom.

This is going to be the hardest day of your life.

~()~

Heart beats fast  
Colours and promises  
How to be brave  
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?  
(A Thousand Years - Christina Perri)

 

‘Alright, blushing bride? You ready to become even more beautiful?’

‘Good save, Bolton.’

Jessica winks at Chloe, who’s sat in her seat ready for her hair to be styled and her makeup to be applied, fresh faced and drop dead gorgeous. Well, that’s your opinion.

Ashley, the lesser talented with a makeup brush and a curler of the two, but still good, is doing the bridesmaids - Emily first, Stacie second, Fat Amy third, Aubrey fourth and lastly, you.

Emily has just finished, and she looks fresh faced and quite natural, apart from a little lilac eyeshadow to contrast with the dark purple dress

So, incidentally, you’re the one left standing around doing jackshit until you put on your dress.

You go over to where Chloe’s having her hair done, and she’s got a serene smile on her face.

‘Hey there,’ you say, smiling back at her easily. You figure this is that last real time you’ll talk to her properly before she marries Theo.

‘Hi. When are you up?’

You glance over to the other side of the room where Aubrey is getting her hair done, her makeup all ready and beautiful.

‘I’ve got Aubrey to wait for yet. You want some more champagne?’

Chloe screws her eyes a little as she smiles, nodding sincerely as you swipe the bottle from its cooler and top the both of you up.

‘How are you feeling?’ you ask, putting the bottle back in the cooler and sitting on the chair next to her.

‘I’m…I’m nervous. I don’t wanna trip, after all.’

‘You’re Chloe Beale. Out of every single Bella, you're the only one who has never tripped on stage. If there’s anybody who won’t trip walking down that aisle, it’s you.’

She smiles at your encouragement, her eyes glistening in the daylight shining through the large windows, overlooking the lawn and the small lake.

You never understood why somebody thought to put a small lake right next to a massive one, but there we are.

‘I’m just gonna go and get the eyelash curler, okay? I’ll be right back,’ Jessica says, walking out of the room to retrieve the make up item.

‘Hey, there’s um, there’s something I want to give to you. Before this all gets crazy,’ Chloe says, reaching into her little bag by her feet and pulling out a box.

She opens it, and two identical silver bands are sat in it.

Well, not completely identical.

Engravings are written into both rings, both just a little bit different.

‘Chloe…’ you breathe, completely blindsided.

She pulls it out, and brings out one ring up to your faces, so you can read the small writing.

_By chance we met_

‘This is the story of the beginning of our relationship. I wouldn’t be anywhere without you, Beca. Life would have been so different, and dare I say so much less exciting. It was by chance I saw you at the activities fair, and it was by chance I thought you might be able to sing.’

*She’s a gorgeous little alt girl, headphones around her neck and an uncomfortable look on her face. It’s so endearing.

’It’s called acapella! We make music, but all the sound comes from our mouths,’ Chloe says moments later, and Beca just screws her face up in a strange smile.

‘That’s kinda lame.’

After she quells Aubrey’s rage, she looks back at Beca with her best smile.

‘Will you come along to auditions?’*

She gives it to you, and holds out her left thumb, which you notice is now bare of the normal silver ring she used to have, so you can slide it on. You know what this feels like, but you try to shake it out of your brain. You can’t think like that, not now. Not today.

She pulls out the second one, doing the same with it, holding it up.

_By choice we’ll never forget_

‘And,’ she carries on, her voice becoming thick with tears, which makes your eyes blurry as you listen to her beautiful voice, ‘it was by choice that you came to audition for the Bellas. And it was by choice that you stayed, and changed my life forever.’

*’You have to audition for the Bellas,’ she says, invading every aspect of Beca’s personal space.

‘Dude, I can’t do anything until you cover your junk!’

A few lines of Titanium later, and they’re staring at each other as if there’s nothing else there.

‘Maybe.’

‘Okay? You’ll come? Okay.’

Beca watches in a mixture of confusion and awe as she shimmies away back to her shower.*

She slides it onto your left thumb, and although it feels weird at first, it fits perfectly.

It reminds you of the way Chloe Beale had entered your life nine years ago; she’d shimmied her way into your brain, into your heart, and it was strange having anybody but you there. But after a while, you never took her out.

Because she fit perfectly, and she still does.

‘Don’t cry, you’ll ruin your makeup,’ you say, trying to distract yourself from the tears that are already running down your face. There’s no use trying to stop them.

She giggles a little.

‘I just…I needed to show you how important you are to me. Like, I feel like this is a little bit of a crossroads, and I need you to remember that it won’t ever matter what happens. Whatever happens, you’ll always be so, so important to me, and I’ll always love you.’

_It will matter_ , you think.

But you keep a straight face.

Or rather, you keep beaming at her, still in awe of her wonderful gift.

‘I love you too, so, so much,’ you say, and you know she doesn’t know how much, but that’s something you can’t control now. You’re just glad you’re here when she needs you.

You pull her in for a hug, careful not to knock her hair or get near her made-up face.

When you pull away, Jessica comes back into the room right on cue.

‘Got it! That bastard was right at the bottom of the bag,’ she says chirpily, and Chloe smiles in response, while you just get up, squeezing Chloe’s hand as you wander over to the bridesmaids.

Emily sitting there, furiously scribbling in her notebook.

‘What you writing there, Oscar Wilde?’

She glances up at your with a smirk, looking back down at her book after a second.

‘A new song I’m working on. It’s, it’s kind of for you, a little bit. Well, dedicated to you. But don’t tell anyone about that.

You glance at the page, and you see a little bit of what you assume is the chorus.

**_I love me_ **   
**_Gonna love myself, no I don’t need anybody else_ **

You smile a little. You know what she’s getting at.

‘I just feel like despite everything, despite what’s happening right now, you’re still the toughest person I know. And you still love yourself because you know that you’re a good person, and you can be okay without people’s help. Not that you wouldn’t get it… but you know what I mean.’

You’re really touched by what she says, and you’re proud of her. She can express herself as well with music and words as well as you can with just your music. It’s wonderful to have seen her grow into this strong and beautiful young woman.

‘That means a lot to me, Em. Thank you,’ you mutter quietly, smiling and giving her a little wink as she beams at you, going back to her notebook.

‘Beca? We’re ready for you,’ Ashley calls out, grabbing your attention. You walk over quickly and sit down, back straight.

You may not ever say to anybody ever, but you do like getting your hair done.

It’s okay, Mitchell; you can do this. You’ve been telling yourself you’ll get through today, and that’s exactly what you’re gonna do.

Breathe.

~()~

Everybody’s done, apart from Chloe, who’s just in the next room getting her dress on.

The bridesmaids look lovely.

The dresses look wonderful and elegant; and each bridesmaid makes it look a different kind of beautiful.

Fat Amy’s is a little longer than the other’s, and she looks banging with her hair up in a messy bun and her makeup done naturally.

Emily’s and Aubrey’s legs go on forever, and Emily’s hair is in a loose plait swept over the side of her shoulder, while Aubrey’s is simply down and curled more loosely than normal.

Stacie makes it look so sexy, you shouldn’t even be able to compute.

And you?

Well, with your hair braided and curled a little, much like it was when you had it done by Jessica the first day of your internship, you dare say you look wonderful.

It makes you feel that little bit better, when your mind whirls round once more to what this day is.

That fades completely when Chloe’s back out again, the wedding dress even more stunning the second time round.

With her hair done, a simple braid taking her hair out of her face and it curled into long waves, you don’t know if you’ll survive this as she picks up her champagne glass and beckons everyone else to do the same.

Her father enters at that moment, cordially greeting all of the bridesmaids; then he comes to you, shaking your hand and kissing you lightly on the cheek like with all the others. In his eyes, though, you notice something there, a small glimmer of wistfulness and pensive thought. Part of you wonders what he’s thinking right now.

He slides to the side of Chloe, you being on the other, and grabs a glass of champagne from the table. He slinks out of the way, though, as he notices this is a time for Chloe to talk to her best girls.

‘It’s been a whirlwind, getting all this ready. Dress fittings, food tasting, venues… God, it’s all been fantastic, and wonderful…and it would not have been the same without any of you there. You’ve all been amazing, and I really don’t deserve any of you guys. Aubrey, the planning went so smoothly, that was because of you, and Emily, the procession song is absolutely wonderful. Stacie, you’re just brilliant at keeping guests in line, I don’t know how you’ve dealt with them all this weekend, but you have. Beca…Beca you know what your support means to me, and my first dance will be unlike any other because you made it something breathtaking. Thank you. And Fat Amy…

‘Where is Amy?’

You all begin to look around, noticing that she’s actually nowhere in sight. Absolutely nowhere.

‘You have got to be kidding me,’ Aubrey chokes out, the high-pitched tone reminiscent of her nervous Bella days shining through.

‘Amy?’ Stacie shouts, going through to the adjoining room. She isn’t in there either, and Aubrey is panicking more and more by the minute.

‘Aubrey, calm down, we’ll find her. It’s Amy, she’ll pop up,’ Emily says, trying in vain to quell Aubrey’s panic and quivering rage.

‘I am going to KILL that girl!’ She shouts in response, thundering out of the room with Emily tightly in tow.

Stacie looks to a confused Chloe, following Aubrey out of the room, while Chloe’s father, Hank, just sits on the sofa completely bemused.

‘Is this… a regular occurrence?’ Hank asks, looking to his daughter for answers.

‘Honestly? Yes,’ you answer for her, as she’s looking as confused as her father.

‘I’ll go and help find her, just… keep yourselves occupied for a moment or two,’ he says backhandedly, rushing out of the room to follow the others.

‘Hey, you okay?’

She twists her head round to you, and stares into your eyes for a good twenty seconds, not replying as you try in vain to get her attention.

‘Chlo? Hey, come back to me.’

You take her hands, absent-mindedly brushing the tip of your right thumb over Chloe’s new ring on her left thumb, and she looks down at your ring, not taking her eyes off it even as you try and click your fingers in front of her face.

_Does she know?_

_What’s going on in her head right now?_

After another thirty seconds, she seems to come back to life, and smiles at you off-handedly as she takes your hand and leads you to the door.

She stops in the doorway, and looks at you determinedly.

‘What’s up?’

‘There’s one last thing on my list I haven’t done yet. I’ve had my bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, we’ve finished a bottle of Larson, I’ve given you the ring, I’ve given everybody their necklace, Hilda gave me my something borrowed and something blue…there’s one last thing?’

You give a small smirk, humouring her. ‘Oh yeah? What’s the last thing?’

‘I need to give my best friend a hug.’

It’s so simple, and yet you feel as if it finishes off the list so perfectly.

She looks at you questioningly, and you scoff at the fact she even needs to ask to hug you as you wrap her in your arms tightly, resting your chin over her shoulder and closing your eyes.

You breathe her in. She smells a little like cinnamon, and the Jo Malone English Pear and Freesia you got her for her birthday. Her hair is brushing against your cheek, and it smells faintly of the lavender shampoo she uses, but it’s still so intoxicating that you shiver as you inhale.

As you pull away, you’re thrown for six again by how utterly gorgeous she is. Her eyes pierce the entirety of your heart and soul, the blue washing in like an unstoppable ocean tide, and you’re more than happy to drown. You’d be honoured to drown in her cerulean eyes.

Her smile is breathtaking. Her dimples crease in the cutest fashion, and you can see the smile through her eyes too. Her lips are plump and pink, no lip gloss or lipstick. You don’t look at them for too long. You might try and capture them without thinking.

‘Check.’

When she pulls you through the doorway by your left hand, you swear you saw her glance at your lips as you looked up from hers.

You’re being buried alive.

This is it.

It’s about to happen.

You’re going to lose her, and you have to watch from behind her and carry the ring she’ll give to another man.

She’s so ready to give herself away to somebody else and you can’t bear it.

You begin to hyperventilate, internally, focusing on your breathing as you see Fat Amy coming from the other building and ambling over to the gaggle waiting about 80metres away from entrance to the hotel. Where she’ll walk down the aisle to marry *him*.

You sort of tune out everything else, although you can’t exactly block out Aubrey’s mighty yelling at Fat Amy.

You look down at the ground. You feel sick. Everything is imploding, and you can’t calm yourself down. You’re holding on to your bouquet so tightly, and pictures fly through your head. You thought that was supposed to be when your life flashed before your eyes, just as you’re about to die.

Maybe that’s what this is.

_’You guys waited up for me?’_

_‘Of course we waited up for you.’_

_—_

_‘I don’t know what we’d do without you, Beca. You’ve made us so much better.’_

_‘Well I’m here now, Beale. Don’t sweat it too much. We can win this.’_

_‘I know.’_

_—_

_‘Beca?’_

_‘Yeah? Little busy here Chlo, Amy’s about to collapse if I don’t get her burrito.’_

_‘I love you.’_

_‘…I love you too Chlo.’_

_—_

_‘Beca, what if we don’t win worlds? What if the Bellas are over?’_

_‘Then we’ll always have the memories.’_

_‘But we worked so hard to get them to the top.’_

_‘I know. But if this doesn’t work out, we’ll still know we did that.’_

_‘Best Aca-captains of the century.’_

_‘You’re damn right, Beale. We make a great team.’_

_‘The best around, Becs.’_

_—_

_‘I got my ticket for the long way round…’_

_She looks at you like you’re the most beautiful thing in the world, and all you can do is sing with her._

_‘Did we just find our sound?’_

_‘I think we did.’_

_You’re not looking anywhere but her._

_—_

_‘Alright, girls. This one’s for us.’_

_You see the tears in her eyes as she looks your way. All you do is nod._

_—_

_‘Move in with me?’_

_‘…You’re coming to LA?’_

_‘I get my flight in two weeks?’_

_‘You know my address. Ship the stuff over and I’ll get it sorted before you get here.’_

_‘You know I love you, right?’_

_‘Who else would it be?’_

_—_

_‘I’m so proud of you, Becs.’_

_‘Thank you Chloe. I can’t believe I did this, I mean an album. It’s surreal.’_

_‘i can. You’ve got one of the most beautiful minds I’ve ever seen.’_

_—_

_‘I’ll miss you.’_

_‘We’ll see each other still, Chlo. You’re only moving in with your boyfriend.’_

_‘But…it’ll be strange not waking up and seeing you in the morning.’_

_‘Yeah… I guess it will, won’t it?’_

_—_

_‘So, Lake Erie, huh?’_

_‘Yeah. You said you went there as a kid?’_

_‘I did. There was this riverbank, actually, that I used to go and sit on sometimes when i was sad. You’d go through the boarded footpath, you know just off from the main entrance, through the wood, and then there’s this like, crossroads, and you go left down to the bank. I’d spend hours listening to music there when I was young.’_

_‘I remember seeing the footpath. We should go check it out at somepoint, reminisce!’_

_‘Maybe. That would be pretty cool.’_

_‘You could tell me about your childhood. A little more, maybe. I’d like to hear how acs-awesome you were as a kid.’_

_‘Not as awesome as you, Beale.’_

_‘I doubt that.’_

_—_

_‘Whatever happens, you’ll always be so, so important to me, and I’ll always love you.’_

Everyone is just about ready, hanging about around the church when Laila comes out.

She’s beckoning people in, at least that’s what you think she’s doing. You’re not really paying attention.

Then all at once, everything falls apart.

You drop your small bouquet of flowers, and it falls apart as it hits the concrete.

_I can’t do this._

‘I can’t do this.’

You’ve been louder than you thought, and everybody turns to you, their looks all completely different.

Chloe looks at your with complete bemusement on her face.

‘I can’t do this.’

‘What? What, Beca? What can’t you do?’

‘This. I can’ t stand here, and I can’t watch…’

‘Beca,’ she soothes, walking over to you and taking your shaking hands with hers, her eyes glancing down as she notices how much they’re moving of their own accord. ‘What’s going on?’

It’s coming like a torrent, a tsunami. There’s no stopping it now.

She should be angry. Why isn’t she angry?

‘I can’t watch you do this. I thought I could, but I can’t.’

‘Beca, you’re not making sense,’ she says, searching for your eyes.

This really is it.

‘Beca, don’t,’ you hear Aubrey say. Chloe glances her way, but ignores her, looking at your for answer. You don’t take your eyes off Chloe.

You can’t hold it in anymore.

‘I can’t watch you walk down the aisle…and watch you marry somebody else.’

Chloe’s face falls, and her eyes widen.

‘What are you saying?’

‘Chloe…’

‘Beca, what are you saying?’ Her voice is more aggressive now, and you don’t see Laila’s eyes close slowly, her head dropping as she sucks in her lips and waits for the inevitable.

‘I’m in love with you.’

She freezes in place.

You don’t hear the gasp from Stacie, or see Fat Amy’s hands go up to cover her mouth.

She still hasn’t let go of your hands, and you carry on talking, because you’ve said it now, and you might as well let the floodgates open.

‘I’ve been in love with you since we graduated college, maybe even before that, but I didn’t know. I was going to tell you, but then you met Theo, and I didn’t want to stand in your way, I wanted you to be happy, because you deserve the world, Chloe, you do. I thought I could do this because you’re my best friend, and I’m yours, and I needed to be there for you, because that’s what friends do. I know this is so selfish, and I’m the worst person in the world for doing this. But I can’t do it, Chloe. I can’t watch you marry him, it’s too painful. It’s too much. I’m so sorry.’

Tears are streaming down your face. You’ve never shown this much emotion in front of so many people.

But you don’t care, because Chloe is listening to you.

You don’t notice Theo coming part way through your speech. His face is like thunder.

Chloe drops your hands, which have become clammy and sweaty, and walks away, thundering through the small group of people. She’s heading straight for the footpath.

You know where she’s going.

You glance over at Theo and know that even if you can’t be here to watch, you have to fix this. How do you fix this?

‘What the hell? You’re in love with my fiancé? Beca, what the fuck?’

You don’t reply as he continues to rant.

‘Theo…’

‘No. She’s ruined my wedding. How could you do that to Chloe?’

He’s right. How could you?

You begin to follow her, but you’re stopped in your tracks.

A fist connects with the side of your head, just in the side of your eye.

You crumble to the ground, your vision spotty for just a moment.

You begin to hear the clamour around you, and you think it’s Hank that pulls you up from the ground. You wonder what the thinks of you right now. You’ve ruined his daughter’s wedding, unless you can fix it.

When your brain computes what’s just happened, you look at Theo, angrier than all hell, whose face is completely gobsmacked at what he’s just done.

‘Do you…do you…’ you can’t really talk properly for a second. ‘Do you hit her like that?’

Theo looks at you with a horrified gaze, Laila and Stacie having pulled him back.

‘No, I’ve…I’ve never hit anybody in my life. I’m…I’m so sorry.’

‘You better be telling the truth, Theo, because I’m about to go and get your fiancé, and make sure she comes back up here and marries you. Then I’ll go. You won’t have to worry about me anymore.’

‘Beca, what do you mean?’ Emily asks, beginning to blubber a little. You hate seeing your little sister in pain because of you.

‘I have to go.’

You run away from everybody, Emily trying to follow in your footsteps before Laila holds her back.

This is a disaster.

~()~

I wanna run  
Chase the morning sun when I'm with U  
Give it all away  
Catching fire as the wind blows  
(Runaway (U+I) - Galantis [Svidden + Jarly Remix])

You’ve ruined everything. Your friends won’t want to talk to you anymore. People will hate you for ruining this.

You just have to make sure Chloe goes back up there, and marries the man she loves.

Then you go.

You find her sitting on the bench by the riverbank, twirling not her engagement ring, but her left thumb ring.

‘Chloe,’ you say softly, seeing her bristle at the sound of your voice.

‘I know, what I just did…was terrible. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Watching you do that, give yourself to him when I’ve loved you forever. I don’t…I didn’t know how to stop it.

‘When you…when you were at that party, the one that was celebrating an anniversary of the label? I was going to tell you then. I was going to ask you on a date, tell you that it’s always been you. But Laila introduced you to Theo and I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to get in the way of that. And when you moved in with him…I still couldn’t. I was a coward, and I hid behind wanting you to be happy with him. But when you said you were engaged, I knew that I’d never get you back. So I went with it. I did my duty as Maid of Honour, I was your best friend and I made sure Aubrey and I and the planners got you the wedding you deserved and you dreamed of. But I can’t watch you do it.

‘I want you to go in there and marry him because you deserve that. You deserve someone who loves you wholeheartedly who you love back. So I’m going to go. You won’t have to see me anymore. You can live your life without having to have me around when I’ve practically ruined your wedding, and when you know what I’ve just told you. I promise, I’ll let you be, and you can get on with things and it’ll be better that way. It’s just not fair like this.

Tears are streaming down your face now, and you know your voice is thick with those tears and is making you sound so emotional and stupid and weak but you don’t care. You have to get this out.

‘I love you. You deserve the world, Chloe Beale. And I just hope that he can give that to you.’

You close your eyes and sob quietly, turning around and trudging back up to the footpath.

You didn’t look to see that Chloe had been sobbing with every word, and hasn’t looked away from her ring.

You’re walking away from the woman you’ll always love, because it’s better that way.

She deserves the world, and more.

That’s not you.

~()~

You see the crowd forming outside the entrance to the venue room, and you slink through the car park to the other side, thundering back to your hotel room.

Once you’ve finally packed everything, you ring downstairs to get them to bring your car round to the valet.

Your car is waiting when you get outside, and you dump your stuff on the front seat and begin thundering down the drive, way too fast. You don’t care. You have to keep your promise to Chloe. You’ll get out and let her live her life.

Your eyes are blurry, and you furiously wipe at them as you go down the drive, not caring that your makeup is beyond ruined.

You’ve put your phone on the handsfree and you see Luisa’s name come up on the caller ID. You don’t even know why you press accept and not decline.

‘Beca, what the hell is going on?’

‘Just, go back to the wedding, I'm fine.’

‘No you’re not. The last I heard you’d told Chloe everything then followed her into the woods, where the fuck are you? It’s chaos out here. Nobody’s seen Chloe for at least 15 minutes, Aubrey is going mad and Theo’s having a panic attack.’

You flinch at Theo’s name. ’I’m getting out of here. Chloe needs to get married. I couldn’t do it Isa, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t watch her walk down that aisle, I can’t, I need to let her get married without me.’

‘Maus, you are sobbing. You’re too emotional to drive, please just come back, we can sort this.’

‘No, we can’t. You know we can’t. I have to let this happen, Luisa.’

‘At least come back so I can come with you. I’ll drive.’

‘I need to go somewhere. I need to get out of her life. She deserves better than a best friend like me. ‘

‘What are you saying, Beca?’ she replies, as you sob into the phone.

‘Luisa…I…I can’t face her again. Not after this. I’ve got to go. I have to leave.’

‘Where on earth are you going to go?’

‘I’ll move to my New York studio for a while. It might settle down after that, but I need a new start, Isa. I can’t be there anymore. I can’t face that. I’m sorry, Luisa, I really…’ your voice fades out into a sob.

‘Liebling, please. Don’t leave LA. It’s a big city, you may not see her, and you have friends who will miss you. Just come back and let me drive you to the airport, please…’

‘I know. I know how cowardly this is, but I can’t face them, not now. I did something awful.’

‘Beca, this is forgivable.’

‘No it’s not. I ruined everything. I’ll have my stuff moved out within the week. I’m so sorry. I love you.’

‘Beca, don’t you dare do this to me. To all of us.’

‘I have to. It’s the only way I’ll be able to heal. So she can heal. I hate this, but I have to.’

‘Beca, please don’t leave.’

‘I’m sorry.’

You press the red button and keep sobbing, driving straight for Cleveland airport.

New York is waiting, and to some it’s the land of opportunity, the concrete jungle.

To you, it’s the one place you don’t want to be, but have to go.

You thought watching Chloe get ready for her wedding was hard. But this?

This will be torture; you failed to take it this time, caving at the last minute. But this time, you must endure it.

For her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible, I know. Just stick it out, I promise it gets better. This is the rock bottom, I promise.


	5. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 month later, and Beca's...yeah.

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To climb to

High all the time

To climb to

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

(Habits - Tove Lo [Hippie Sabotage Remix])

 

**Laila**

You knew, really, that she couldn’t keep it in.

It’s not like you’ve known Beca a hell of a long time, certainly not as long as Chloe or any of the other Bellas have. Not a lot eats away at Beca, but if one simple thing does, chances are it’s going to come out.

She’s caved so many times to Chloe’s frightening ‘what are you hiding’ glare, and she can’t keep secrets from Chloe. Ever.

So you aren’t really surprised when this one spills out into the terrifying scene that is two minutes before Chloe’s wedding.

‘I’m in love with you.’

Your head drops, your eyes closed. You see Emily’s face turn into one of such sadness that you want to just kiss it all away, but you know this isn’t the time to focus on your girlfriend.

Chloe is frozen in place, like some sort of statue. She's always so animated, so it’s extremely unsettling to see her like this.

Beca tells her all of it. She lets it out as if she’s been unplugged, and just can’t stop letting everything seep through.

You’re not surprised when Chloe’s so overwhelmed that she takes off into the wood.

Emily’s about to run after Chloe, so you have to stop her, naturally. She looks at you, panic buzzing in her eyes like electric shocks, and you stroke her hair softly and say nothing.

It’s not like you can tell her it’s going to be okay.

Then, out of nowhere, your brother _punches_  your girlfriend’s sister.

You pull him away, your face hardening when he turns to you in shock.

Part of you doesn’t even want to look at him.

He’s a complete idiot, and you know that. But he’s never punched somebody before, not even when he was a child, playing in the back garden. You’d be civil and just play with action men or dolls or something.

He’s never hurt a fly in his life, and yet here he is punching Beca.

You can tell he loves Chloe, but if he’s going to be doing things like that, part of you thinks that maybe, just maybe…he doesn’t deserve her.

You can’t believe you’re doing this.

But you don’t want Beca to fix it.

You’d choose her for Chloe over your own brother, and it kills you.

But it’s right.

**Stacie**

It all happens in a blur for you, really.

‘I’m in love with you.’

You try to keep the smug little ‘I told you so’ out of your head, because you know it’s really not appropriate.

When Chloe runs off into the woodland, it finally sinks in how much of a catastrophe this is turning out to be when only five minutes ago, you were searching for Fat Amy in a toilet.

Figures, really. You look at Beca, who’s staring into space. The cogs are obviously moving in her mind, about what to do next.

You don't  envy her. You have no idea what you’d do in this situation.

When Theo takes his fist and launches it at her face, you spring into action, using your height and strength from all those years of forced cardio to help Laila pull him back, and you see the siblings share a look. You watch as Beca storms after Chloe, tears already staining her cheeks despite the fact she hasn’t even reacted to it.

This is such a mess, and you know it’s not going to end well.

You don’t know that’s the last time you’ll see Beca for the foreseeable future.

**Emily**

Your heart drops to your stomach when she says it.

‘I can’t watch you marry him, Chloe. I can’t do it.’

It splits into two where it’s dropped.

You’ve always had a rather animated reaction to situations. You feel things more intensely than others do. You sympathise and empathise at the drop of a hat, and when the people are close to you it’s even worse.

This is literally your worst nightmare apart from losing Laila.

Beca and Chloe were always the friendship that made you believe that eternal love was possible. It didn’t matter what kind of love it was, really, because they were always there for each other. It spurred you on during your relationship with Laila.

And now this has happened, and you can’t even begin to think what this means for Beca.

Chloe turns abruptly and goes into the woods, and you make to follow her. You can’t let her lose Beca, not now. You have to try and comfort her, and make sure she’s not going to do anything she’ll regret.

Laila pulls you back, and when you try and tell her with your eyes that you need to, she simply strokes your hair and looks at you with a sad fondness, letting you know this isn’t your battle.

Your empathy wins out, but you’re in a lot of pain. You want so much to help them, but you can’t, because they’re fighting.

Not you.

You’re neutral about Theo. He’s your lover’s sibling, so you’d have to get used to him one way or another, but he treats you like a child. And it’s really off-putting when you’re 24 years old.

You’re not so neutral about Theo when he punches someone you consider your sister in the face.

Anger flares up in the pit of your stomach, and you notice that Fat Amy has put a hand on your arm.

She’s trying to steady you.

You’re obviously showing more emotion that you thought.

You turn to look at her, and she gives you a strained, sad smile.

When you look back to see Beca has disappeared into the wood, vowing to fix this, you close your eyes and try not to let the tears seep through.

It’s all coming crashing down and you just don’t know what to do.

There’s _nothing_  you can do.

**Aubrey**

You know it’s useless, to try and tell her not to. She’ll keep this bottled up forever and then she’ll spew it out as if she was having a mental version of one of your episodes.

Well, you think that letting her carry on will stop that, but no.

She tells Chloe everything.

‘I’ve been in love with you since we graduated college, maybe even before, but I didn’t know.’

You keep your eyes trained on Chloe’s face.

One thing you’ve learned over years of being Chloe’s friend is that she’ll listen. She’ll listen to anything and everything because you’re such a word vomiter that she couldn’t really do anything else.

Even though you don’t think she knows, you always look for her reaction to what you say.

So that’s what you do now, as Beca confesses her love in a more passionate speech than Amy’s confession of love to Bumper in song.

It’s anger, at first, for the suspense Beca puts her in. Then, when she finally starts, it turns into light panic.

When she tells her how she’s loved her since she graduated, Chloe’s eyes ooze sadness. A wistful longing that can no longer be satisfied, because the situation they’re in now is just too much to bear the pain for getting the satisfaction.

You see sympathy then, when she says she can’t watch her marry Theo. She’s not an idiot. If Beca’s in love with her, why would she want to watch Chloe give herself to Theo?

You see the panic in her eyes when Chloe realises what that means. The thing she’s been constantly vigilant about, never stopping to remind you; you and Beca have to be at your wedding.

Otherwise, put simply, it’s not her wedding. It’s a farce. She loves you both too much for you to not be there, and it wouldn’t be right without you.

You’re not surprised when she storms away.

She begins to think hard, you can see that clearly, and when she finally decides to move, Theo punches her.

Everything turns into chaos then. Laila and Stacie pulling him back, Hank helping Beca up from the floor.

She declares she will fix it, and thunders toward the tree line.

Part of you wonders whether, really, something like this is worth fixing.

Maybe there’s something else that needs to be fixed instead.

**Luisa**

It’s now 20 minutes since the ceremony was supposed to have started, and you are sitting impatiently in the third row with Jessica. Nobody seems to be entirely worried, but being such the formidable leader that you were, timekeeping has always been something you think about.

 

It’s when Theo walks out of the church and doesn’t return that you realise something is wrong.

You walk out of the church flanked by Jessica and Ashley, and see Theo being pushed away by his younger sister.

You have no idea what he’s done, but he’s looking rather shellshocked, almost hyperventilating, and the bride is nowhere to be seen.

It’s when you notice the maid of honour is in the same predicament that you begin to panic.

You storm over to the gaggle of people, and see Emily fighting tears as Aubrey comforts her.

‘What on earth is going on?’

Emily looks up, and Aubrey avoids your eyes.

‘Beca…Beca told her.’

Your eyes widen, and your brain goes numb for a few seconds.

‘Everything?’

‘Everything,’ Aubrey says quickly, still avoiding your eyes.

‘How? She was fine this morning. She was going to get through it.’

‘Yes, well she didn’t. And now she’s gone fuck knows where and I have a groom who is hyperventilating along with a bridesmaid who is trying not to cry.’

‘I have my phone. I’ll try to ring Beca, see where she is and if she knows where Chloe is.’

Aubrey walks away after a nod with Emily in tow, blowing up in Theo’s face as he tries to calm his breathing down to no avail.

You see the call begin on your phone, to your relief. It’s rather shortlived.

‘Beca, what the hell is going on?’

‘Just, go back to the wedding, I'm fine.’

‘No you’re not. The last I heard you’d told Chloe everything then followed her into the woods, where the fuck are you? It’s chaos out here. Nobody’s seen Chloe for at least 15 minutes, Aubrey is going mad and Theo’s having a panic attack.’

’I’m getting out of here. Chloe needs to get married. I couldn’t do it Isa, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t watch her walk down that aisle, I can’t, I need to let her get married without me.’

‘Maus, you are sobbing. You’re too emotional to drive, please just come back, we can sort this.’

You’re panicking now. She’s just abandoning this.

‘No, we can’t. You know we can’t. I have to let this happen, Luisa.’

‘At least come back so I can come with you. I’ll drive.’

‘I need to go somewhere. I need to get out of her life. She deserves better than a best friend like me. ‘

‘What are you saying, Beca?’

Don’t you dare, Beca.

‘Luisa…I…I can’t face her again. Not after this. I’ve got to go. I have to leave.’

‘Where on earth are you going to go?’

‘I’ll move to my New York studio for a while. It might settle down after that, but I need a new start, Isa. I can’t be there anymore. I can’t face that. I’m sorry, Luisa, I really…’

This is your worst nightmare. Because of all this. You’re going to lose your roommate.

‘Liebling, please. Don’t leave LA. It’s a big city, you may not see her, and you have friends who will miss you. Just come back and let me drive you to the airport, please…’

‘I know. I know how cowardly this is, but I can’t face them, not now. I did something awful.’

‘Beca, this is forgivable.’

‘No it’s not. I ruined everything. I’ll have my stuff moved out within the week. I’m so sorry. I love you.’

Your anger begins to flare up. This is unfair, and she knows it. Leaving you and all of her friends is cruel, but may also be the right decision.

‘Beca, don’t you dare do this to me. To all of us.’

‘I have to. It’s the only way I’ll be able to heal. So she can heal. I hate this, but I have to.’

‘Beca, please don’t leave.’

‘I’m sorry.’

When the line goes dead, you begin to cry properly.

Beca Mitchell is abandoning her whole life, because she couldn’t keep her love inside her any longer.

It’s something nobody ever expected from the emotionally stunted woman.

But you realise that actually, it’s not all that surprising when she spent so much of the last few years of her life around Chloe Beale.

The woman herself reappears again, not saying a word to anybody.

She simply walks to Theo, who’s breathing stopped when Chloe came back into view, and pulls him by his hand away from the crowd, over to the side of the church.

Nobody knows what to do with themselves.

You all stand there, stunned silent, and wait with bated breath.

 

_**1 month after the wedding** _

 

It’s like you’re not even trying to feel.

Everything is just systematic, like cogs in a machine.

You are numb.

You can’t feel anything.

It’s as if everything she did for you, all those years of learning to feel like a person again and being happy and sociable in the light of your parents divorce, and going to college, have just seeped into nothingness.

She’s probably married now; maybe she’s even pregnant.

She’s better off without you. That’s all you know for sure.

You catch yourself staring into space again. You do that a lot these days - your attention span has shortened, but by God, has your work improved. You’ll sit there for six hours straight, recording yourself and mixing, crafting the songs for an album you didn’t even know you were going to be producing.

‘I don’t know what’s driving you, but colour me impressed, Beca. This is some of the most incredible stuff you’ve done. It’s so much more raw than your usual stuff,’ Emma, your NYC associate producer, tells you this one morning as you walk through the door, having given her the demos two nights before.

You figure you’ll have to put out a press release sooner or later, but then that puts you on the radar for everybody to see.

You haven’t spoken to anybody since the wedding. You left, you got your things shipped to New York, you rented an apartment on the Upper West Side and when your phone had gap between its constant buzzing, you changed your number.

You uprooted everything, and it’s left you devoid of feeling.

You go back to your work, sliding your fingers over your sampler as you listen to the almost finished track.

Your eyes are tired, and you’re almost ready to pass out. You’ve just been working for 8 hours straight, not even stopping when you ate dinner.

Suddenly, your new iPhone starts chiming, and you glare at it a little - who the hell would be ringing you at 11 at night these days?

Emma, has gone home for the night, and your neighbour only has your number in case of a fire. And you’re pretty sure you’d see your almost-penthouse apartment if it was going up in flames.

You pick it up, not recognising the number. Who gives a damn? You might as well. It’s not a dud number.

‘Mitchell.’

‘Hello, Miss Mitchell? This is Albert Cochrane, I’m on the production team at Madison Square Garden. We were wondering if we could talk to you about a possible performance?’

‘A performance? You want me to gig at Madison Square Garden?’

‘We would like to invite you to do a show, yes. It would be a one off night, tickets going flash sale a week before. We’re trying to get as many stars like yourself involved in the project, like a series of one off flash concerts.’

‘Wow, a flash gig? That would be incredible.’

‘There is one catch.’

You sit back in your chair, putting the mobile on speaker and depositing it on the desk in front of you.

‘Go on.’

‘We’d like you to have a special guest…’

‘Who?’

‘That’s the catch. You won’t know until they walk on the stage,’ he says, leaving a beat for you to reply.

‘That’s extremely risky.’

‘We understand that, and some people have already pulled out on that basis. But if you would do this, it is rather an experiment, you’ll be paid a rather hefty sum for it.’

‘Money isn’t a problem, so no worries about that.’

‘Right. You can think on it, if you’d like.’

Thinking is not a good idea right about now. What have you got to lose?

You’ve already lost everything else.

‘Miss Mitchell?’

‘I’ll do it.’

~()~

**_1 month later_ **

This week seems to be the week that you’ve just got everything happening.

The flash concert is tonight, and your album press release is going public tomorrow night at midnight.

However, you think for the crowd they’ve told you you’re performing for, you might well even announce it tonight.

Madison Square Garden.

This is your biggest gig ever. It’s the place you perform when you know you’ve made it; you remember seeing that Lady Gaga’s dream was to perform here - and you just thought DJing in clubs and helping some famous people out with their records would be awesome.

Instead, here you are with two platinum studio albums and another on the way, and you’re performing on one of the most famous stages in the world.

But the people you love most aren’t here to see it.

The numbness fades a little then, as you’re sitting backstage, staring at yourself in the mirror in your dressing room.

Tears threaten your beautifully made up eyes; you wonder why they even bothered with such colourful eyeshadow when so many people are simply going to see a dot on the stage.

You miss Emily the most, apart from the obvious. She always brightened your life up with her endless optimism, and as she’d grown up and graduated college, there was a certain maturity to it that just made you admire her even more. Laila grounded her, too - and you love her even more now.

Well, you would if you weren’t blocking your feelings out like the idiot that you are.

You try not to think about her any more. Thinking about that flash of red and the toothy smile hurts too much. It’s too much to feel for somebody who’s supposed to be numb.

There’s a knock on the door, and a stage tech asks you to come through. It’s time for you to perform your heart out.

~()~

 _Follow me to the dark_  
_Let me take you past our satellites_  
_You can see the world you brought to life, to life_  
_We don’t feel like outsiders at all_  
_(New Americana/Love Me Like You Do - Halsey/Ellie Goulding [SnowyBeale Remix])_

The lights blind you for a moment.

You look out over the crowd, and there are banners everywhere, screaming people filling every inch of your eyes and blocking out any silence in your mind.

You close your eyes and breathe in, giving yourself in to the rush you feel when you perform.

It’s a feeling only second to…her.

‘Hello, New York,’ you say into your mic nonchalantly, and the entire arena bursts into louder screams, I love yous, and applause.

You’re frequently overwhelmed by the love you receive from fans, but you know what it means to them for you to appreciate it. So you appreciate them, too.

‘How are we all?’

You laugh when they erupt once more.

You play a few songs from previous albums, some totally instrumental with your decks and others just your voice.

They’re completely lapping it up - this flash gig is making you…it’s giving you a rush you remember from only

You come to the last song you’re going to perform before your ‘special guest’ is due to arrive on stage.

‘Okay, so I owe this one to my gorgeous buddy Halsey, and to a woman I thoroughly admire, Ellie Goulding. It’s just a little creation I came up with, and I hope you enjoy it. Just… lose yourself in this one.’

The crowd goes quiet, and you turn on the pre-recorded part of the song - some of this you recorded a week ago, whereas the other parts, including your voice, you’re performing live.

You breathe in, and out, and begin to sing.

 **_You're the light, you're the night_ **  
**_You're the color of my blood_ **  
**_You're the cure, you're the pain_ **  
**_You're the only thing I wanna touch_ **  
**_Never knew that it could mean so much, so much_ **

**_You're the fear, I don't care_ **  
**_Cause I've never been so high_ **  
**_Follow me to the dark_ **  
**_Let me take you past our satellites_ **  
**_You can see the world you brought to life, to life_ **

 

You get ready to change the mashup slightly, modifying it for the next part; your fingers slide easily over the decks and your laptop, and you smile softly. You love this chorus. You lose yourself, and set your mind free when you sing this. It’s a good feeling that you don’t get anymore, apart from now.

_**We don’t feel like outsiders at all** _

_**We are the new Americana** _  
_**Get high on legal marijuana** _  
_**Raised on Biggie and Nirvana** _  
_**We are the new Americana** _

You watch as the crowd sings along with you, you yourself swinging along to the beat. You take some of the layering out as you sing once more.

 _**Fading in, fading out** _  
_**On the edge of paradise** _  
_**Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find** _  
_**Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire** _

_**Yeah, I'll let you set the pace** _  
_**Cause I'm not thinking straight** _

You get ready for the chorus again, seeing phone screens and flashlights going up inside the arena. It reminds you of one of the best days of your life, in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Alongside the girls.

Your girls.

_**We don’t feel like outsiders at all** _

As you fade into the chorus, you realise that’s exactly what you feel like.

And it’s your own fault.

 _**We are the new Americana** _  
_**Get high on legal marijuana** _  
_**Raised on Biggie and Nirvana** _  
_**We are the new Americana** _

_**We know very well** _  
_**Who we are** _

You realise that you don’t know who you are anymore.

 _**So we hold it down** _  
_**When summer starts** _

_**What kind of dough have you been spending** _  
_**What kind of bubblegum have you been blowing lately** _

As the last chorus begins, you realise how much losing your emotions has completely detached you from yourself.

You’re not Beca Mitchell anymore.

You’re just a shell.

Because you left her behind.

 _**We are the new Americana** _  
_**Get high on legal marijuana** _  
_**Raised on Biggie and Nirvana** _  
_**We are the new Americana** _

_**We are the new Americana** _  
_**Get high on legal marijuana** _  
_**Raised on Biggie and Nirvana** _  
_**We are the new Americana** _

Maybe it’s time to get her back.

‘And now, here at Madison Square Garden, we welcome an all-new special guest to the stage, to join the wonderful Beca Mitchell!’

The backstage announcer gives you a little time to readjust yourself, and you position yourself at the front of the stage to wait for your fellow perform.

‘Please welcome to the stage…LAILA MILARDO!’

You’re not exactly…good at hiding your surprise.

~()~

Laila looks just as shocked as you when she walks on stage, standing next to you awkwardly but waving to the crowd as she does so.

‘We bring Bellas old and new together in this once in a lifetime performance!’

Laila looks at you, and pleads with her eyes.

She just wants to do this properly, and get it overwith.

She springs into life, the usual bouncy girl who captivates her audience with one smile.

‘Hello there, Madison Square Garden!’ she shouts, getting a massive cheer from the crowd.

‘Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?’ she continues, and looks over at you. You finally register that actually, you have to do something. Like, properly do something.

She takes a couple of seconds to think, then you see the light bulb go off in her head. It’s like you’ve never been away…

Almost.

She runs over to the stage tech, who hands her an acoustic guitar.

Strumming a few chords on it, she makes sure it’s in tune then jogs back over to the piano, beckoning you over.

You smile at the crowd brightly, knowing you have to keep up appearances.

‘Alright, there’s a song I wanna play for you guys tonight, Beca, if you’ll, if you’ll join me on the piano,’ she begins, talking into the mic next to the piano as you sit down on the stool, checking the mic is on.

‘This…this song is dedicated to someone extremely important to me. We…I lost contact with them, and there’s something they really need to hear. And I think they’ll hear it loud and clear. Beca, just join in when you recognise the song, you will.’

You nod, and Laila begins to strum.

Then, she lets the words flow.

_**I stare at my reflection in the mirror** _

_**Why am I doing this to myself?** _

_**Losing my mind on a tiny error,** _  
_**I nearly left the real me on the shelf** _

You recognise the song, and you push down the chord on the piano, beginning to play effortlessly. It’s like riding a bike.

 _**No, no, no, no** _  
_**Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars** _  
_**Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,** _  
_**It's okay not to be okay** _  
_**Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart** _  
_**Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,** _  
_**Just be true to who you are** _

Laila looks to you, and you realise just at the last second, that she wants you to sing it.

You get a cold feeling of irony spreading through your chest as you put your lips close to the microphone, closing your eyes and feeling the melody burn through your skin.

 _**Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?** _  
_**I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah** _  
_**The more I try the less it's working, yeah,** _  
_**'Cause everything inside me screams, no, no, no, no, yeah** _

You realise why it’s ironic when Laila joins in on the chorus once more.

 _**Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars** _  
_**Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing** _  
_**It's okay not to be okay** _  
_**Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart** _  
_**But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising** _  
_**There's nothing wrong with who you are** _

She’s singing to you. You alternate lines in the bridge, Laila singing first. You go for it, now. You’ve got nothing to lose.

 _**Yes, no's, egos, fake shows** _  
_**Like whoa, just go, and leave me alone** _  
_**Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight** _  
_**With a smile , that's my own** _  
_**That's my own, no, no, no, no, no** _

But then…maybe now, you have.

 _**Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars** _  
_**Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing** _  
_**It's okay not to be okay** _  
_**Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart** _  
_**Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising** _  
_**Just be true to who you are, yeah, yeah, yeah** _

It’s time to come back to the real world, Mitchell.

As you look at the crowd, who are screaming wildly and applauding endlessly, you realise shutting yourself away was never going to do you any good.

This would mean nothing if you did.

Laila looks at you, and you smile with tears in your eyes.

When one slips down your cheek, it’s the first one that’s made it there since you stopped sobbing at Cleveland airport.

‘We miss you,’ she mouths.

‘You too,’ you mouth back, looking back out at the ever-adoring crowd.

A few songs later, and you’re closing the show with Laila; it’s been a complete whirlwind.

You can’t believe that it’s really her. You honestly didn’t know when you would see one of them again; but here they are, having been randomly paired up with you to sing on the biggest stage in the world.

You find it ironically humorous, how the world turns out to be.

Laila’s gone to a separate dressing room, and you don’t really know whether you’ll see her again. It was wonderful, you admit, performing with her on stage.

But you don’t know if you’re ready to talk to her yet.

Or any of them.

When nobody comes along to your dressing room after half an hour, you give up waiting.

Part of you wants to wait longer, just to see; the other wants to run as fast as you can.

You take the stage entrance out of the building, and go directly to the bay where cars pick up the performers and employers at the arena.

It’s when you’re just about to open the back door to the car when you realise it’s not the one you were driven to the venue in.

‘Excuse me, this isn’t my car,’ you state to the security guard, who smiles cordially.

‘Not to worry ma’am, this is still owned by the arena. It’ll take you where you need to go.

You sigh, accepting that for now.

You look down at the car floor as you get in, shuffling forward into the spacious backseat, ready to pull down the folding chair on the other side to put your feet up on.

Except when you turn around, the car isn’t empty.

You sit there, completely frozen in place, and you notice the other door’s open, Laila propping it there with her arm and watching you cautiously.

Sitting in front of you, silent, is Emily Junk.

~()~

‘You have not called us. You haven’t skyped. Not even a text to tell us you’re okay. Aubrey had to ring your New York studio and speak to at least four people to find out you weren’t dead.’ Laila is pissed. Despite the fact you just performed together for almost 45 minutes, she’s mad as hell.

You’re not surprised.

‘I needed time,’ you fire back, feeling unnecessarily attacked. You know now what you did was wrong, leaving them right that, but it was the only way to heal.

And you’re still not done healing.

‘You could have told us you were okay…well… physically okay,’ Emily pipes up. Her face is stony, and you’re not used to it. It almost scares you, because if she’s angry, then you know what you’ve done is wrong. It takes a lot to make Emily even mildly irritated.

You know this is serious.

‘I’m sorry. It was stupid. I just…I didn’t know what else to do.’

‘Yeah, well. You and Emily are gonna talk. The driver will take you to Emily’s hotel first, then back to your apartment. And you’re leaving your number. I’m not losing contact with you again, Mitchell,’ she says, a sincere look in her otherwise unhappy eyes.

She shuts the door and your eyes gravitate towards Emily’s.

The stony face disappears.

‘What the hell, Beca?’

Your eyes widen, and you grip the edge of your car seat as it begins to pull out of the bay.

‘You tell Chloe everything, try and fix it back up and then abandon all of us? Why would anybody ever think that is a good idea?!’

‘I left because…’

  
‘What? You left because what? Because it was better if you weren’t there? For everybody? For Chloe?’

‘Yes!’

Emily’s almost stunned by your outburst. You keep your faces steadfast, and hard. She’s blown up at you. It’s only fair you defend yourself.

Isn’t it?

‘I did it because I wanted Chloe to get married without feeling guilty that I would be standing there wanting anything but that to happen, because I know that’s what she would feel. She needed to heal away from me. With Theo, and just have a little bit of time to think things through when it came to our friendship…relationship…whatever.

‘And…I was selfish. I had to heal too. I was broken, Chloe broke me. I’m not blaming her for anything - it was me who let her do that. But I couldn’t function properly anymore. I wanted her to be happy, and it wasn’t going to be with me. That’s why I did everything she asked me. I thought if I was there to see her marry Theo it would finally teach me that I couldn’t have her and I could let her go. And I was too weak to go through with it.’

Emily’s face has fallen so far. Her eyes are shining with the salty tears that she doesn’t want to let slip.

‘Beca…’

‘I needed time to let her go when she wasn’t there.’

‘Did it work?’

You look down at the ground, and you finally admit to yourself the thing didn’t want to for months.

‘No.’

‘Beca… Chloe didn’t get married.’

Your whole world comes to a grinding halt.

‘What?’

‘Chloe came back, talked to Theo for like half an hour and then she and her father left for Florida. Theo’s gone back to England for a while. They’re not together anymore, Beca.’

You didn’t fix it.

You ruined it, and you didn’t fix it like you thought you did.

You’re a failure all over again.

You breathe out shakily, tears starting to blur Emily’s face in front of you, and the next thing you know, Emily’s meeting you halfway in the back of the Mercedes and hugging you tightly, and you can’t help it.

You sob loudly into her shoulder, gripping onto her arm hard as the floodgates of emotion and tears crash open.

You don’t know how long you’re there. You only really notice the car has come to a stop when you see the driver getting out to stop the doorman opening the back door of the Merc.

You lean back, letting Emily sit back in her seat in front of you.

‘Listen, there’s another reason we’re here. We…we thought you should know before you heard it through the news or something.’

‘Yeah…yeah what?’

Emily leans back and rakes a hand through her long black hair, puffing out a breath from her cheeks.

‘Barden…they’ve filed for bankruptcy. They… they have to shut down the university. Permanently.’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Yeah. It happened a couple of weeks ago.’

‘How…my Dad would have told me something like that.’

‘Would he?’

You pause for a minute, and rub your smudged eye makeup out from underneath your eyes.

‘I guess…no. Actually, he wouldn’t.’

Emily puts her hand and squeezes your arm fondly, smiling with tears streaking her cheeks still.

She’s always been a rather emotional, empathetic girl, and you’re reminded for the first time in months how much you love that about her.

She feels so intensely. And you want to be able to feel like that effortlessly, and not be afraid of how much it’s going to hurt.

‘The Bellas will be over,’ Emily says, brushing her hand over her other upper arm, closing her body away from the fact that the sisterhood she met her best friends and her lover in was going to die out because of money problems.

So you decide.

It’s time to feel something, and not be afraid of how much it will hurt.

‘I have an idea.’

~()~

 _I was falling deep, deeply in love with you_  
_And I never told you until just now_  
_Home_  
_Let me go home_  
_Home is wherever I'm with you_  
_(Home (Luca Fogale Cover) - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros)_

 

_**One Month Later** _

You look out over the golden sand of the beach, the reeds further away from see blowing in the low morning breeze.

Breathing in the fresh sea air, you look up to see the sky has one cloud on it.

It looks like headphones.

You sigh and look down at he floorboards, the duck egg blue looking white in the gleaming sun.

She hates duck egg blue.

You haven’t really stopped thinking about her.

It’s not even the wedding that you think about, not really.

You’ve kind of blocked that out of your head completely.

But you always think about different things about her.

The way she would smile under her hand when you listened to her mixes for the Bellas performances. How she would put so much thought into your Christmas present, and when she picked out the royal blue for your bedrooms and automatically thought she’d made the wrong choice choosing for you; she hadn’t, and you loved it.

You notice how much you miss _everything_.

Part of you always wonders if you could love her like that, and you imagine what it would be like.

It gives you swarming butterflies, followed by icy pain in your abdomen as you remember how far away that reality really is for you.

You could love her.  You do. 

The prospect of falling in love again, but with someone who is your best friend in the world, makes the butterflies flutter so strongly you can't help but smile.

The part of you you’re afraid of says you absolutely can, and that actually…you absolutely want to.

The rest of you just needs to catch up.

As you pass your empty yellow cup from one hand to the other, shifting in your seat from the back porch of the beach-house, you don’t hear your father coming through the kitchen, newspaper tucked under his arm and the mail in the other.

‘Morning, darling girl,’ he says, smiling fondly at you as you put your cup down on the floorboards and tuck your hands into yourself, bristling in the breeze that’s now blowing inland.

You don’t see your father rifling through the mail, and stopping at one particular letter.

He puts it a bit further away from his face so he can read the envelope, and then raises his eyebrows momentarily.

He takes the letter out of the envelope, and another, smaller envelope falls to the floor, in-between your chairs.

He picks it up, and you can’t see what’s written on it.

After putting the smaller envelope in his lap, name face down, he notices something else in the envelope.

A cheque.

He reads the letter through slowly, and when he’s done, his face almost encapsulates…disbelief. His jaw has dropped just a little bit, and you’re intrigued now.

‘Daddy? What is it?’

He looks over at you, the same slack-jawed expression, and puts the letter down in his lap, retrieving the smaller envelope.

‘I believe this is for you.’

You take the envelope and turn it over, and your heart shoots right up into your mouth.

Your name is written eloquently in the middle.

In Beca’s handwriting.

You rip open the envelope, and two pieces of paper fall out. You ignore the one with print on it, instantly unfolding the handwritten one. It’s not nearly as long as you’d want it to be, but it’s something.

You want to see what Beca has to say.

_Dear Chloe,_

_I was told recently that Barden was unable to keep their financial situation under control, and so they’re shutting the university down. Which would mean the end of the Bellas._

_I couldn’t exactly take that, knowing what being in the Bellas gave me. What it gave us._

_Saying goodbye to the Barden Bellas is something we must do, all of us, but not in the way you imagine._

_Enclosed is a legal document which explains the contract I wrote up to make a deal with Barden._

_The rights to the acapella group, the Barden Bellas, are to be given to the receiver of this document provided they take in and accept with full knowledge that the prefix ‘Barden’ be taken out of the name, hence making the group the ‘Bellas’._

_The Bellas are yours, Chloe. If you would like to take over._

_There is a cash sum to go with it, and I have biased with the current members of the group about whether they will return. There will be a list sent to you in due course of who is still willing to join, and you are of course, free to bring in new members._

_If you want to take up the offer, there will be no need for further contact on the matter, but if there are any questions you can email my office; the address is attached to the document._

_I…I’m so sorry for what happened._

_Yours, always_  
_Beca_

You know that tears are leaking heavily from your eyes, but you don’t really care. Beca has done something for you that nobody else would ever even dream of doing.

She’s given you the thing that you loved most about college, that chapter of your life. Besides her.

You are in charge, no; you OWN the Barden - the Bellas.

They’re yours to do with what you wish.

You remember having dreams about making aca-albums with the Bellas and going on tours.

You might even be able to make that dream a reality now, thanks to Beca.

Your father looks at you, questioningly, but there is still disbelief in his face.

‘What was…what was in your letter?’

He just hands it over, and you read with vigour after hurriedly wiping at your eyes.

_Dear Hank,_

_I’m enclosing a cheque for the wedding - I understand this was what it came to including pull-out costs and other things._

_Please don’t send it back; it’s something I need you to accept. I wasn’t able to fix my mistake at the wedding, so let me try and patch it up somewhat with paying this small debt._

_The envelope for Chloe is rather important, so even if she doesn’t want to talk to me or correspond, please make sure she at least reads it; I would be eternally grateful._

_I’m so sorry, Hank. I’ve embarrassed you, and I’ve caused Chloe to lose what could have been a wonderful marriage._

_You are a wonderful father, and Chloe could not have better._

_Please forgive me._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Beca_

You folds into yourself, your head falling into your lap as you let out shoulder-wrenching sobs. Your father looks on, and eventually gets up to take his daughter in his arms behind the chair as you continue to pour your heart out of your eyes.

‘You know what your mother would do, sweetheart.’

You realise, once you’ve calmed down, that there’s only one reason why this would make you so…distraught.

You know exactly what to do.

You think your father does too, as you rise out of the chair and thunder towards your laptop, clicking on browsers furiously.

It’s time.

~()~

 

You dump your bag inside the door of your apartment, raking your hand through your knotty hair. 

It's just turning into Fall now, leaves just beginning to brown in Central Park and there's just enough chill in the air to warn you of what's coming. 

That didn't stop it being 90 degrees on the subway. 

You press your answering machine: it's just the one message from Emma. 

Hi, Beca. You just left but I just got the document through from...from Chloe, she's signed for the agreement, so that's sorted.  I...just thought you'd like to know.' 

The beep rings out, signifying the end of the message. 

But that doesn't stop your train of thought, which only really consists of...well. 

Chloe accepted it. She signed for the Bellas and she can't hate you, at least not that much; she took this from you when you offered. 

The sensible part of you wants to now be able to put this all behind you, slowly let Chloe go one bit at a time. 

But your heart is screaming for that computer. 

The computer where you can book flights to Miami, rent a car and drive to Fort Lauderdale. Just to see her face. 

That's how much you miss her.  

Your heart wants to rip in two, but you have to keep it together if you want to function. 

You still as in love with her as you were before. 

You could try and forget, but it would always be futile. 

This world is so cruel. 

Your eyes fall on the laptop sat on the desk in the corner, just by the window.  

It's beckoning you.

You know that it's a stupid idea.  She probably doesn't even want to talk to you. You ruined her wedding, and it's not all fixed because you paid her father back and gave her what she always wanted. 

But the small niggling in your brain still tries to tell you that it can't be over for you two. It can't. 

You were best friends for nine years, and she loved you so much, even if it may not have been in the way you wished. That can't disappear overnight. 

Could it be salvageable? 

After everything you've done? 

You walk briskly over to the corner of the room, opening your laptop and clicking on Safari. 

You don't even look at the prices for next morning's flights, checking the boxes for the 08:10 flight from JFK to Miami international. 

You tick the coach option. Emma would kill you for doing so, but you're small, and it's only a three hour flight. You can just throw your SnapBack on the plane, tip it down and sleep, and people shouldn’t bother you too much.  

If your nerves will let you. 

You don't bother putting a bag on. You really need your laptop, your music and you. 

The final page comes up, and you take a deep breath, closing your eyes and trying not to lose your ability to be calm and collected. 

Your finger hovers over the enter button. 

Then there's a timid knock at the door. 

You sigh, and drag yourself up out of your chair and saunter to the door, ready to tell Emily that she doesn't need to come and check on her every single night.  It's sweet, but it's...tiring. You're only just getting used to dealing with feelings like and actual person again, let alone deal with Emily's myriad of emotions. 

You open the door, and everything stops. You're not in your apartment anymore, you're in limbo.  The whole world has fallen away from you. 

Chloe. 

'Hey Becs.'

She's smiling with a strained look on her face, and you're not sure, but you think those are tears in your eyes.   She's nervous, you can tell, but it's probably nothing on what you're feeling right now. 

Your mind is reeling. What do you do? Do you make small talk? Do you jump right in? Neither feels right. 

So instead, you step out of the way and let her in, and she walks past you and doesn't drop her coat down haphazardly on the sofa like she used to. 

'I...I uh, I see you signed for the Bellas. Thanks for doing that.’ 

'No, thank you. That was already too much, on top of...' 

You cut in, and begin to babble. You can’t stop.

'Honestly, it's no trouble. Forget about that. I'm just glad you want to take them on, I didn't want them to just fade out of existence after everything they've done for us, even if I don't sing in it anymore, you know? I just thought...' 

‘You know that’s not what I’m here to talk about, Bec.’

‘Then…then what?’

You know the answer.

‘Me and you.’


	6. For The Rest Of Our Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR BEING WONDERFUL PEOPLE. Hope you enjoy this. Shortish epilogue to follow soon. x

Alabama, Arkansas  
I do love my Ma and Pa  
But not the way that  
I do love you  
(Home (Luca Fogale Cover) - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros)

_Chloe_

**Eight years ago**

You’re driving as if the speed limit doesn’t exist, knowing it’s a ridiculous thing to be doing when it’s raining like hell.

The hurricane isn’t yet at its worst, but it’s extremely windy and the rain is hitting your windscreen like a sheen.

You pull into the Bellas drive and get out of the car, running for the door.

You’re terrified.

Beca hasn’t answered the million texts you’ve sent her and she hasn’t called you back, and if she isn’t in the house, you’re going to freak.

You shut the door roughly, dropping your bag with your phone still in your hand and you begin to search the large plan ground floor, seeing absolutely nobody.

What the hell? It’s a hurricane outside and nobody’s home?

‘Chlo, hey!’

You whip your head round to see Beca at the door of the basement, Emily just behind her on the second stair.

‘You’re soaking, are you -‘

You’ve barreled into her, soaking her clothing too and squeezing her tightly, making sure it’s really her and you’re really safe.

You had lost your wonderful mother in a hurricane.

She had been trying to get out of town, coming home you and your father down in Fort Lauderdale; she’d been in Atlanta to see her sister.

The traffic was terrible, and she’d been stuck on a bridge.

It wasn’t sturdy enough, and as she spoke to Hank on the handsfree, the bridge just…crumbled.

Hurricanes had terrified you ever since.

‘You didn’t answer my calls…I thought…’

She pulls out of your arms for a second, putting your hands on her shoulders.

‘Hey, calm down. We’re all okay.’

You just pull her back in for a hug, holding back sobs.

If you lost Beca Mitchell, your world would fall apart.

~()~

**Five years ago**

She’s working around her decks and her laptop, trying to form the set for Worlds.

It’s not long now, until you fly to Copenhagen, and she’s finally got her mojo back; you all have.

You lean against the doorframe, and she’s completely oblivious to your presence.

You admire her more than anyone in the world.

She’s so passionate about what she does, and it’s something you wish you had about something.

Apart from the Bellas, of course.

You love her for the fact that it gives you hope, that one day you’ll find your passion.

She finally notices your presence, swivelling around in your chair and smiling.

‘Get over here, Beale,’ she says, beckoning you over with her hand.

‘Sit down.’

‘Where?’

‘On my…on m - here,’ she laughs, and you hesitantly perch on her lap, looking towards the computer and seeing all the dials and connections on the screen.

It confuses the fuck out of you, but you know Beca knows what it means, so that makes you feel safer about the set.

‘Wanna listen?’

‘Yeah, gimme,’ you say, taking the headphones from her waiting hands.

As you listen, she looks at you, smiling fondly with thin lips.

You simply bury down the extremely confusing feeling that you want to kiss her right now; just to see what it would feel like.

You’ve never kissed Beca Mitchell.

You’d think, being best friends with her, that you’d have done that by now; spin the bottle and things like that always catch up with you.

With anybody else - but not with Beca.

You push the thought out of your mind, knowing it’s completely absurd. She’s your best friend.

What could happen?

~()~

**Four months before the wedding**

‘Theo asked me to marry him, Bec! I can’t believe this! I’m going to finally have the wedding of my dreams!’

You tuck the phone into your shoulder as you dry the last dish, Theo having left for work after breakfast.

There’s a little, no, a lot of hesitation before she replies, and you wonder if the signal’s cut out.

She startles you when she replies, almost overly-enthusiastic.

‘I’m so happy for you Chlo. Where are you going to have it?’

Before you carry on your conversation, you can’t help but notice the quiver in her voice, and it’s almost like she’s been teary.

What’s wrong with her?

You keep talking, trying to play it off as getting breath back or something.

Why would she be…sad?

When you eventually ring off, you can’t shake the feeling that Beca wasn’t happy.

You don’t know why, but if she’s not happy…there’s got to be a big reason for it.

She’ll bury her feelings down until they explode and you don't want her to feel buried; you need her to tell you what’s wrong.

When you call her back ten minutes later, asking her if she’s sure she’s okay…she says she’s fine.

Just a cough.

You know she’s lying before you even put the phone down, but you trust her. If she won’t tell you, it means she wants to deal with it.

So you let her.

~()~

**The Wedding**

You are in more pain right now than you ever have been in your life.

You can’t look at Beca. She’s just torn your world in two.

You were going to get married, have a beautiful wedding, but…then Beca told you she’s in love with you and everything else crumbled to bits.

‘I know, what I just did…was terrible. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Watching you do that, give yourself to him when I’ve loved you forever. I don’t…I didn’t know how to stop it. When you…when you were at that party, the one that was celebrating an anniversary of the label? I was going to tell you then.’

Your mouth falls open, slack jawed in shock. It could all have been so different. That was the night you met Theo.

‘I was going to ask you on a date, tell you that it’s always been you. But Laila introduced you to Theo and I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to get in the way of that. And when you moved in with him…I still couldn’t. I was a coward, and I hid behind wanting you to be happy with him. But when you said you were engaged, I knew that I’d never get you back.’

Oh, Beca. _You never lost me_.

‘So I went with it. I did my duty as Maid of Honour, I was your best friend and I made sure Aubrey and I and the planners got you the wedding you deserved and you dreamed of. But I can’t watch you do it.’

You realise then that in her mind…she has lost you. She doesn’t have you the way she wants, and it’s too cruel to make her watch you give yourself to another. You break again, tears pouring down your cheeks; your make-up is ruined to all hell. But you don’t care.

‘I want you to go in there and marry him because you deserve that. You deserve someone who loves you wholeheartedly who you love back. So I’m going to go. You won’t have to see me anymore. You can live your life without having to have me around when I’ve practically ruined your wedding, and when you know what I’ve just told you. I promise, I’ll let you be, and you can get on with things and it’ll be better that way. It’s just not fair like this.’

An overwhelming part of you wants to tell her not to go. Don’t leave you. That isn’t fair. Not after what she’s just told you.

But the other part of you needs some time.

You have to think about this.

‘I love you. You deserve the world, Chloe Beale. And I just hope that he can give that to you.’

As you hear her pad away, you slide off the bench and onto the grass, muffling a scream in your arms.

You know what she’s just done, she’s just said she wants you to get married. Wants you to give yourself to Theo.

But that means never seeing her again.

You can’t deal with that. You never could. She means too much to you.

She means, well…pretty much everything.

You can’t marry Theo. You love him, of course you do; he’s a wonderful man.

But he’s not Beca.

And if you had to choose…it would be her everytime. Relationship being platonic or not.

Theo could have been the dream. He was.

But he’s not the reality you want.

You love him, but he’s not…you don’t know what you want, right now. Everything’s a mess.

You need time to figure it out, but you know that Theo isn’t your future.

After dragging yourself up from the ground, you walk back up the path, and you see the crowd of people in the distance.

Beca’s not there.

You close your eyes as you get ready to face the music.

And Theo.

~()~ 

_Beca_

**Present Day**

‘Chloe, I -‘

‘Beca, stop. Please. I need to…I need to get this out.’

That’s when she finally drops her coat onto the sofa, and puts her bag on top of it. She perches on the arm of the couch and looks up the short distance to your timid and terrified face.

This is it.

Now, Chloe’s either going to let you go forever, or she’s going to tell you that she needs you to be her friend, or that…

Or that she wants you.

Breathe, Beca. It’s needed to live.

‘I’m sorry that… that I haven’t talked to you. I should have come to see you before but I needed to get my head around everything. It was so overwhelming. You really know how to pick a moment, Mitchell. By the way, I’m still kind of mad about that.’

You look down at the floor. You want to look at her, face up to what you’ve done, but you just can’t.

‘I’ve been thinking about it for months. Months. I thought about when I first met you. I really had to persist with you, and tried so hard to get you to really want to be in the Bellas. That first year, I really did meet my best friend in the entire world, and then I lost her because I didn’t see what was right in front of me and I let a man get in the way. Then you decide to pick the one moment that was the worst in the world and tell me how you feel, and you confuse the fuck out of me and leave me crying by a riverbank. But… Beca, I meant it when I said that whatever happens between us, I will *always* love you. No matter the way in which it is, or how much. Always. You’re my rock and I need you.’

You’re crying now. Of course you are - Chloe’s always been the one to make you feel more than anyone else, in so many ways.

She takes your hand in hers, and strokes her thumb over the thumb ring.

You never took it off.

You couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of everything. How could you? She’s been tattooed onto your heart with the most intricate design, and you never really wanted to remove her.

It then when you see that she didn’t take hers off either that you suck in a breath, and do the same as she did with your thumb.

‘You really think I could ever let you go, just like that? That I would want you ever to just leave like you did?’

‘I thought you hated me at one point. I’d ruined everything, and even though I tried to fix it, I thought that you still didn’t wanna see me. I shut off. I didn’t know what to do. I guess…trying to bury my feelings just made everything worse. And warped my common sense.’

‘Hell yeah. I needed time. But I was never going to let you go, Becs, you must have known that somewhere.’

‘Maybe I did,’ you say quietly, and you want to bring your hand up, and stroke her face with your fine fingers. She’s here now, and you don’t want to scare her off.

She looks up at your and she breathes out shakily, looking straight into your eyes.

She’s piercing your soul again.

‘Beca…I’m not…I’m not in love with you. I will be honest about that. But over the past few months…I thought about the way we are. We’re not just best friends, we never have been, not really. You’ve always been so much more emotional around me, and you’ve made me feel at ease with myself. I never got that with anybody else. And then I thought that, you’re the only one who can make me feel these things, and I don’t really get butterflies with anybody else, not the way I get them with you. It took me time to realise that we can’t be best friends you’re in love with me and I’m…I’m feeling the way I do right now. I’ve realised that I don’t want to be your friend anymore. ’

You heart is in in your _mouth_. You’ve never felt so conflicted in your life. It’s like the butterflies are biting the edges of your stomach and it’s so painful.

But it’s a good pain. You hope.

‘I may not be in love with you…I but I could fall in love with you. I want to fall for you. I want go on dates with you, I want to ask you to move in with me…I want all of it. I want to experience that with you, and I want you to go through all of it with me again, because you deserve that, you deserve to be loved, and I can give that to you, in time. I want you to be happy, Beca. I want to make you happy. And,’ her voices catches, thick with tears. You’re pretty sure your face is flooded with them. ‘If that’s with me, then even better, because I want to fall in love with you. I want to experience that so badly, if you’ll let me.’

You’re speechless.

Your face is the epitome of surprise, and happiness, but you don’t need a smile to show it.

‘I don’t deserve you, Chloe.’

‘You’re wrong. You deserve the world.’

Chloe reaches up, and wipes your cheeks with her ring clad thumb. You bring your hand to cover hers.

You love her.

And she will love you.

You can’t quite believe your luck.

‘Beca?’

‘Y…yeah?’

You wait with bated breath. This is just too much suspense for you and your body to handle.

‘Will you go on a date with me?’

You let out a laugh, and it’s mixed with tears that are happier than you’ve ever had.

‘Yes, yes, of course I will,’ you reply, knowing you’re rambling but you don’t care because you know that Chloe wants you, and that she’s going to take her sweet time getting to know a different side of you and she’s going to fall in love with you.

The tiny alt-girl who she spotted at a freshman activities fair almost a decade ago.

Look where you are now.

She pulls you in for a hug, and she falls backwards onto the sofa, bringing you down with her. You both laugh, and when you finally make it onto the floor, you disentangle yourselves from each other.

Only to be inches away from each other’s lips.

You look down at them, and they look softer and more tempting than you ever could have imagined, up close.

When you notice her taking a shaky breath out, you’re ready to pull away.

‘It’s okay if you wanna wait,’ you whispers, looking down at the gap between you, however small it may be.

‘Don’t make me start singing the Little Mermaid, Mitchell,’ she replies, and you feel her lean into you.

You savour this moment, the moment before she kisses you. It’s like when you’ve climbed a mountain, and you got up at 2am just to see the sunrise, and you know that it’s coming any second.

It’s butterflies in your stomach that are thousands of amazing colours.

It’s watching a buzzard soar over the Grand Canyon in the dusk of a summer’s day.

Then her lips press onto yours.

You’ve never kissed Chloe Beale.

You’d think, being best friends with her, that you’d have done that by now; spin the bottle and things like that always catch up with you.

With anybody else - but not with Chloe.

But now you’re doing it and it’s almost indescribably beautfiul.

Her lips feel like the newly moisturised skin in the morning, when you can’t stop your hands from running over it. They’re soft like satin and they move so delicately over yours that if you weren’t so drugged on Chloe in this moment, you’d swear they weren’t even touching yours.

But you know they are, oh, you know. She brings her hand up to your neck, letting it fall on the side of it, and it slowly brushes down to your collarbone and you shiver, taking in her fingers on your skin.

It’s perfect.

The kiss gets deeper, and she wraps the hand that was on your collarbone round your neck, stroking it over your shoulder blade on your back. You thread your hands lightly into her thick red locks, remembering how smooth and silky they are.

This is every dream you’ve had about Chloe come true, but better.

Her tongue is in your mouth, and she tastes just exquisite. You thought that thinking about that would gross you out. It always did with Jesse, and the few men and women you’ve had altercations with in the past.

But she just tastes like heaven.

She pulls away, ever so slowly, letting you change your speed and pull away too.

When you look into her eyes, they’re not as cerulean as they once were, her pupils blending with her iris as they dilate.

You imagine your eyes are probably black as night right now.

‘That was…’

‘Something.’

‘Yeah. Let’s stick with something,’ Chloe replies, and you both let out a small laugh as you timidly look each other in the eyes, recovering from your breathlessness.

She enchants you with every glance.

‘I’m going to go freshen up. Then maybe…we can go on that date?’

‘Absolutely,’ you say quickly, nervous all of a sudden.

As you watch her go, you can’t help but eye her up and down, her body accentuated in all the right parts.

You tell your loins they need to calm the fuck down before they explode.

You just got the girl of your dreams.

Funny how things work out.

~()~

When I see your face  
There’s not a thing that I would change  
Cause you’re amazing  
Just the way you are  
(Just The Way You Are (Boyce Avenue Cover) Bruno Mars)

 

_Chloe_

You’ve both decided not to leave New York for a little while.

Beca’s contract is up soon, so you’ll stay until then - but you’ll be staying with Emily and Laila for a while.

It’s not like you want to overstep - you are dating, after all.

For you, that feels strangely satisfying to say.

Emily and Laila will be leaving a week before you, so you’ll stay at Beca’s until your flight goes out.

It took a while to convince Beca. She wasn’t adverse to the idea of returning at first.

‘I need a little more time before I go back. There’s…’

‘You’ll have a little more time. Three weeks, then your contract’s out, right?’

‘Yeah, but…’

‘Beca, what’s wrong?’ You go over to her, putting your coffee down on the island before taking Beca’s upper arms in your hands, gripping them softly to steady her as she sits on the barstool.

‘I…I’m scared.’

‘You’re scared?’

Her voice becomes deathly quiet, her face expressionless.

‘What if they all hate me?’

You can’t take seeing her like this. It physically hurts you, and you’d never realised that before, but you can pinpoint that pain, now.

Rare as it may be.

‘They don’t hate you, Beca. You heard Emily. They all miss you like crazy. Emily talked to Emma yesterday, and she said Luisa’s been calling for you like once a week, every week.’

‘She has?’

‘Yeah. She’s your best friend, Becs.’

You watch her lips form a sad smile as she peers up into your eyes from her barstool.

‘I thought you were my best friend.’

‘You know what I mean.’ You kiss her on the forehead, and you know she’s closed her eyes.

The fact that she loves you doesn’t make you nervous any more. But it does give you butterflies.

You know you’re falling now.  
‘Okay. We’ll leave in a few weeks. You’re…you’re coming back to L.A., right? Or do you need to go back down to Lauderdale?’

‘I’ll call my Dad today, update him. He’s really unhappy with you by the way.’

‘I’m so sorry…about, you know, about doing that. I hope the money’s enough.’

‘No, Becs. He’s super unhappy because you paid him. Things happen for a reason, and he believes that. He didn’t want the money back.’

‘I’m not accepting it, Chlo. No way in hell.’

‘You’re too good to me and my family, you know that?’

‘I was repaying him for ruining his daughter’s big day. That’s just trying to make amends in any way possible.’

‘I’d say you’ve already done more than that,’ you reply, leaning into her, smiling with your eyes as she brings her hand up to your cheek to kiss you.

‘You’re amazing, Chloe Beale.’

God.

You’re about to slip over the edge, the cliff that you fall to fall for her.

You don’t care that soon, you’ll let go.

 

~()~

_Beca_

You never realised how much Chloe laughs when you talk to her.

You’ll attempt humour, and it’ll be this wholesome, almost bellow-like laugh, which still sounds like music.

Then when you talk enthusiastically about something, she’ll just…sort of giggle under her breath.

‘What?’

You catch Chloe doing it again on your third date, and she looks down when you ask her.

‘Nothing, just…’

‘No, Beale. Don’t start being all coy with me, what is it?’

‘You’re…you’re cute when you’re passionate.’

You laugh out loud at that, then you plunge into the deep end.

Head first.

‘Trust me…I’m not cute when I’m passionate about other things.’ You blink slowly and look right into her, and she knows exactly what you’re trying to say.

‘What else are you passionate about then, Becs?’ She tilts her head to the side and gives an innocent smirk.

How the hell can she make a smirk look innocent?

You’re about to go red in the face, laugh off the entire thing.

But instead, you decide…what could happen?

‘You.’

You literally see her pupils dilate like a blot of ink on paper. It’s intoxicating.

Chloe, without taking her eyes off you, waves the waiter over.

‘Check, please.’

~()~

You arrive back at your New York apartment, the both of you almost shivering in anticipation.

You could blame the Fall chill, but what would be the point? You know it’s each other driving your bodies crazy.

As you throw your bag down on the sofa and go to the island, leaning your hands against it, you don’t notice that Chloe is right behind you.

That is, until she breathes softly on your ear, pulling your coat off slowly and then running her slightly parted lips over your shoulder.

You fight the urge to moan, knowing that you’ll get plenty of time to do that later.

That steels you, somewhat.

You’re about to have sex with Chloe Beale, and although it scares the hell out of you, you remember you’ve been wanting this for over five years.

The anticipation is killing you, but the build-up is the best part - those last agonising minutes before you can have her begging for release by your touch.

It’s the part that will help send you over the edge.

You don’t turn around, not just yet. You’re not sure if seeing her eyes right now would help you control yourself. You don’t want to rush this.

This is the most turned on you’ve ever been in your life, and it’s all because she’s running her hand over your waist, gliding up your shirt.

Your faces get closer as you turn into her a little more, desperate to breathe her in.

Her nose brushes the side of your cheek, and she brushes her fingers over your breast for just a second, and your eyes flutter closed, your breath leaving you quickly.

When Chloe takes her hand out from under your shirt and touches your chin with her finger, you can’t take it anymore.

You turn around and kiss her hard, almost immediately threading both hands into her hair. You love her hair - it captivates you when you look at it, and when you feel it, it’s like silk that you never want unwrapped from your fingers.

The kiss deepens quickly, Chloe pressing you into the island with her body, your tongue in her mouth.

When she moans, you swear it’s the most delicious sound you’ve heard in your life, and you’ll never want to hear anything else again.

She’s moaning for you. She’s pressing her thigh into the gap between your legs because she wants you.

You’ll never quite be able to get over that.

Your kissing slows up for a second, just lips touching soundly, and you open your eyes to see her looking into yours, like she’d known you were going to open them. Your lips part slowly, with a smack, and she breathes out with a hitch.

‘Beca…I want…’

‘Are you sure?’

You have to ask. You need to know.

‘Yes.’

You take her hand softly, leading her to your bedroom, throwing a smirk behind you at her as you open the door.

~()~

You’ve always been a coarse person.

Your touch has never been soft, but always rougher and with no finesse.

It’s not like that with Chloe.

You take your sweet time - you want to savour this moment over any other in your entire life.

She’s laying on the bed, looking up at you from the pillow with a lust that is just raw and beautiful.

And it’s leaving you breathless.

As you kiss her tenderly, she almost immediately rides her hands behind your t-shirt, and she doesn’t stop this time, pulling it all the way up to your arms.

You separate your lips for just a moment as lean up and pull it off, discarding it on the floor beside the plush double bed.

You’ve never wanted someone as you’ve wanted Chloe Beale. And now she’s finally here, wanting you too.

Heaven doesn’t exist. That’s your belief, anyway. But if it did…this would be it.

You feel Chloe’s hands brush over your breasts again, and you realise that you’re absolutely free to take away the last piece of material standing in- between them and her hands.

You almost freeze in anticipation.

So, Chloe, naturally following your train of thought with complete ease, reaches behind you as she looks into your jet black eyes and takes it off, dropping it off her middle finger on the floor beside the bed.

You swear it could make you come undone right there.

She squeezes softly and you moan with an open mouth, tucking your head into your neck for a moment before Chloe pulls you in for a searing kiss, nipping at your lip as you bring your hand to her cheek.

You kiss for a while, and it’s so comfortable, but you’re on fire like you’ve never been on fire before.

You pull away for a quick second, beckoning Chloe to rise so you can take off her shirt and bra.

She’s breathtaking.

You take a moment, straddling her and sitting up straight. You run your hands over her shoulders, skimming your fingers over her collarbones before they run over her breasts.

She closes her eyes, and you lean down, kissing her neck hotly, as you feel her mouth open when you nip at her skin, instantaneously licking over the tenderness you leave before moving further down.

You run your lips over one of her collarbones, and then move to her breast, and when you hear her cry out you see stars behind your eyelids.

She grabs your hair, and you feel her nails scratch at your scalp a little bit and you can’t help but moan, as you keep kissing her there and making her arch into you.

She pulls you away from her chest, bringing your head up to kiss you roughly as she flips you over, leaving her on top of you and grinding between your legs.

You let out a breathless sigh.

‘Oh god, Chloe,’ you whisper, still breathing heavily.

Chloe comes up to your face, staring into your eyes. You want to close your eyes in pleasure, but her cerulean eyes just captivate you once again.

There’s bottomless. You can’t get enough.

Chloe hardly pulls away and doesn’t look from your eyes as she begins to undo your belt.

You can’t help but smirk at the way she feels the need to put her hands all over your skin as she gets off you, pulling your jeans down with her and then standing up from the bed.

She removes her dark chinos, not taking her gaze away from you as she leans down to fling them away.

All that’s left is your panties. And hers.

You shuffle up, leaning on your elbows and drinking her in, all of her.

‘Chloe…you’re beautiful.’

‘So are you, Beca. I wish I could have seen it before.’

You smile with your eyes closed, leaning forward momentarily and holding out your hand. She takes it, letting you pull her back on her bed so she’s straddling you again, but this time your sitting up.

Your chests are almost touching, and your forehead is in line with her nose. She leans down, looking at you again.

‘You see that now. What else matters?’

‘Nothing. Nothing at all.’

She kisses you, and slides your panties away from your hips, and you flick them off your lower legs.

You do the same with her, and you catch a glance of her soaked underwear and whimper under your breath.

She pushes you down onto the bed, your back hitting the mattress for only a second before you arch into her.

She kisses you roughly, taking your lip between her teeth and positioning her thigh between your legs.

‘Oh, God.’

She pushes slowly, and you don’t notice her hand disappear between your bodies, which are almost flush against each other.

She begins to rock, slowly, and you bend your leg, and you can feel Chloe’s wetness rub against your thigh and it’s just so fucking _intoxicating_.

How it gets better, you don’t understand, because it’s so fucking perfect already, but when Chloe rubs her thumb over your clit as she rocks into you, you can’t help but moan loudly. You feel her smile in response.

She looks at you for your reaction as she presses her thumb again.

Your eyes squeeze closed, the pleasure running through you and touching every nerve in your body.

You bring your leg up a little more, and she begins to rock again, keeping a steady rhythm.

When she moans, you can see the pleasure on her face.

You use both your hands, bringing her face down to bring her lips to yours again, kissing her with everything you’ve got.

You arch into her, and the rocking speeds up, and the nerves in your body tingle with sensations you’re sure you’ve never felt in your life.

Chloe is moaning into your mouth now, repeatedly, and it’s bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

Her thumb is rubbing a little harder, and it’s sheer bliss.

You know she’s getting closer now, and you rock the both of you harder again.

Reaching your finger down with the last of the energy you have, you rub her clit firmly, just a couple of times.

You simultaneously both come undone, Chloe muffling a moan into your shoulder, letting her head fall there.

It’s just perfect.

You’re both panting heavily, regaining your breath slowly, and as Chloe disentangles herself from you, you just look at her peaceful face, mouth slightly open and eyes closed resting on over your heart.

She is your heart.

You love her with every fibre of your being, and even more so now you know she can do that to you.

Your breathing isn’t steady, still; and your heart is a little erratic.

‘I can hear your heart beating.’

She says it like she’s surprised.

‘You know who it beats for.’

It’s the first time you’ve brought up the subject of your love for her since you first started dating. You've both comfortably avoided it, shelved it for later.

But it’s still there, and there's no use hiding it.

‘I know.’

She kisses your jawline, and you smile a little bit against the kiss before she falls asleep in your arms.

Could this get better?

~()~

At last  
My love has come along  
My lonely days are over  
And life is like a song  
(At Last- Etta James)

A couple of weeks later, your flight to L.A. is upon you.

And you’re terrified.

You’re going to see everybody again, and you don't know how they're going to react.

They know you’re okay. That's all they've been told, and they haven’t intruded further.

What they don’t know is that Chloe will be right next to you.

You look at the now bare apartment, none of your things strewn around in front of you. Snippets of thought flash through your head when you look at certain things - the sofa, you remember the foot of it where you first kissed Chloe. The kitchen where she tried to make you brownies while you were at work last week and failed miserably. Almost every surface in the apartment…

Well. That you smirk at.

You say goodbye, locking the door and joining Chloe outside on the front step, where the taxi is waiting to take you to the airport.

‘Ready?’

You turn your head to her, seeing the small smile on her face. It’s almost mischievous.

‘Yeah.’

When you arrive at the airport, you breeze through JFK in a less than common turn of events; the only thing that really annoys you is that the gate is miles away from the main terminal.

You’re faffing so much about having been searched at security, putting your shoes and belt back on and just getting organised, that you don't notice Chloe standing there staring at you.

‘We’re gonna need to start walking now if we don't wanna be last in the queue, shall we?’

You turn around and take a few steps, dragging along her suit case for her and hoisting your backpack into a more comfortable position.

‘Hey, Becs?’

‘Yeah?’

You swivel around quickly, and you're taken aback as you notice how naturally beautiful she looks. Dark jeans, a blue checkered shirt and her red hair flowing down her shoulders, a teary smile on her face.

You worry for a second, but then she says it.

‘I love you.’

You want to cry.

In the middle of JFK.

Instead, you walk over to her slowly, lifting your free hand to brush the tear that’s fallen from her eye, then kiss her softly.

‘I love you too.’

It just got better.

You offer her your hand, and you walk through JFK to your gate, and you know you’re ready to face the music.

Because she's right by your side.

~()~

It’s Stacie you see first.

Chloe has hung back a little, getting herself organized after baggage claim and she insisted she push the luggage trolley herself.

Stacie runs at you like a gazelle is running from a lion, and she pounces at you and into your arms before you can even utter a hello.

‘You’re a moron, Beca.’

‘I know.’

They all huddle around you like they used to, a group hug you'd never been comfortable in but had never regretted afterwards.

‘Ginger ninja?’

Amy catches the attention of Stacie, Jessica and Ashley, and they don’t really know how to react.

Everybody just stands stock still, waiting for somebody to say something. You know this is probably awkward for them; they probably think they’re going to have to choose sides.

‘What’s up aca-bitches?!’

Chloe’s tone seems to break the ice, and having hugged you out, they run over to her as if it’s like divorced parents.

‘Hey,’ you call out, edging closer to them as they huddle over Chloe. ‘Mind not smothering my girlfriend?’

Stacie turns first, regarding you with a gobsmacked stare.

They all look at you, then Chloe, and you again.

You smile expectantly, waiting for it to click longer than you should.

‘You’re...’

Jessica looks between you, and you don’t look away from Chloe as you happily declare it.

‘Yeah.’

‘I just couldn’t keep away,’ Chloe says, giving you her lopsided smirk. You smile widely, and you see Stacie donning a veiled grin.

Amy sidles over to you, and puts her hand up.

‘Nice work, Mitchell.’

You high-five her, and you join the huddle for a few seconds, having missed your fellow Bellas immensely.

‘Maus?’

Your breath hitches at the pet name, and you break away from the group to see Luisa standing by you and Chloe’s unattended trolley, flanked by Emily and Laila.

Emily gives you a little wave, and the couple move to walk past you to join the huddle.

Laila bumps your shoulder softly, and then Emily hugs you with one arm, round your neck. You don’t look from Luisa when you bring your arm up to touch Emily’s, and she lets you go, and your feel like your last lifeline has been pulled for a second.

This is the most daunting thing you’ve faced since Chloe turned up at your door almost a month ago.

When you look back for just a second, you see Chloe, who’s smiling at her fellow Bellas and greeting Emily with a big hug.

She catches your eye, and winks with a small smile.

She makes you feel so much more at ease with the world. More ready to face what’s coming - whatever it is.

You turn back, and see Luisa’s holding back tears.

You can’t really take it anymore. So you run at her, flinging yourself into her arms and she picks you up off the ground momentarily, squeezing you hard.

‘You're a fucking idiot, Maus. Don’t hang up on me again.’

She lets go of you, and you’re still holding her forearms with your hands when she puts you down on the ground again.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I’m sorry too, Maus. It was a difficult day for you, and I should have known that better.’

‘Hey…what’s done is done. Besides,’ you say quietly, turning back to train your line of vision on a happy Chloe, who’s talking with her best friends as if it wasn’t almost four months ago, but yesterday she saw them. ‘it worked out for the best.’

‘I see. What happened?’

‘She came to see me about a month ago. Told me she wanted to try and have a relationship with me. I felt like I didn’t deserve it but…she…she has her way. And I could never resist her, could I?’

‘No. I am glad you are happy, Beca.’

‘Thank you, Isa. Are you okay?’

‘I am very well, thank you. I’ll tell you about it over dinner. I believe we are going there after dropping your things at your apartment?’

‘Yeah. I’ve missed you guys so much.’

‘We have missed the both of you, too.’

You fall into Luisa’s chest, hugging her tightly once more before pulling her over to join the group. Chloe drops her conversation for a moment, insisting on a hug, and you all begin to walk to the exit, eager to catch up with each other.

You sneak a glance at Chloe, and she grins at you like the world is at her feet.

It probably is.

You know it is for you. You have a great job, incredible friends…

And Chloe.

It’s the most beautiful feeling you’ve ever felt.

~()~

You shiver with excitement. You’re almost at the studio, and you’re more nervous than you’ve ever been in your life.

But it’s a good nervous. Because Chloe only ever makes you a good nervous. Gives you the butterflies that make your stomach catch fire in the most gorgeous way.

You’ve been living together for a while, now; it wasn’t long before you had gone to Chloe, fresh from finishing recording, and had asked her to move back in with you.

She already had a bedroom, if she wanted it; not to mention it would make their jobs easier, as Chloe was working near the studio on Emily’s choreography for the tour.

Not that she spent much time in her own bedroom.

It was almost embarrassing, really; you’d been at it like rabbits. You’d be sat watching the telly one minute, and the next you’re tripping over each other to get to the bedroom and you end up making love on the rug, then move into the bedroom for round two.

It’s just wonderful.

Work is going better now - you’re almost ready to release the album, and you’re having the cover shoot today.

You want Chloe in it, because she helped you create this piece of ‘sonic mastery’, as Luisa likes to call it.

She was the inspiration, and she deserves to be recognised for it.

However, you’re extremely nervous, and it’s not just because you’re shooting an album cover.

 

You arrive at the studio, and Chloe’s already there, getting touched up by the makeup guy.

‘Hey babe.’

‘Hi,’ she says, turning to you and waiting for you to kiss her. You smile and peck her on the lips, letting Garrett get back to his job, just finishing off her blush.

You dump your bag down and sit in the chair next to hers, watching her close her eyes while Garrett finishes up.

‘Alright, you’re good to go.’

‘Do I look hot?’

You raise your eyebrows, smirking as you get out your phone to stop the music that’s still playing in your headphones.

‘You look gorgeous, darling.’

‘Thank you,’ she croons, popping up out of the chair.

‘She always looks gorgeous though,’ you say, surprising yourself at your openness on the subject, and she comes to stand next to your heightened stool and gives leans down to give you a kiss on your lips.

‘Absolutely true. I’m pretty sure my girlfriend has a crush on you.’

‘She knows what she’s doing then, keep her,’ you reply, flashing Garrett a wink. He rolls his eyes at you, gathering his supplies and walking away.

‘You ready to make my album the best looking on the shelves?’

She takes the end of her shortish, white dress, and twirls around once before giggling a little.

‘Oh yes.’

~()~

2 hours later, and you have enough material for an album cover.

You feel your pocket.

It’s still in there.

The little heart shaped box.

You take the elevator to the roof of the building, where you know Chloe is with her coffee; after insisting she take a break, you helped pack up and let everybody leave, knowing you’d need a little time to psych yourself up downstairs.

The roof looks over most of Beverley Hills, and you can see the beach. There aren’t a lot of people today, but it’s still gorgeous outside. You know it’s one of Chloe’s favourite views.

You see her lounging in her chair, taking in the scenery.

She looks so beautiful. She’s still made up, and looks like the goddess she was born to be, fierce but calm and collected, and it’s such a turn on but that’s really not something you need to think about right now.

Breathe in.

Breath out.

You walk slowly over to the chair, and she smiles, finally realising you’re here as you offer your hand.

You twirl her around leisurely, and she giggles and it’s just the most perfect sound you’ve ever heard.

Anything that comes out of her mouth just sounds like music you can’t get enough of.

You let go of her hand, and you stuff your hands in your pockets. You can tell she’s at the perfect angle now, and you puff out a breath as you get ready.

3, 2, 1…

‘Chloe, um, I…I have to…there’s something I’d like to say.’

She doesn’t really react strongly. Just a small smile, and an uttered ‘okay’, and nods reassuringly.

Little did she know what she was letting herself in for.

‘You’ve changed my life. I mean, not just made it different, you’ve literally turned my life upside down, from bottom to top and it’s been the best fucking ride ever, knowing you, from the start till now. I’ve felt things I didn’t think I could feel, because of you. I’m saying all this now, out loud, because you helped me express my feelings. It’s you who makes me feel more loved, and happier than anybody else in the world, and I never thought I deserved that, but you showed me I could deserve it. I just feel like I can do anything when you’re with me, and I don’t know what I’d do without that. And I hope what I’m about to do means that I’ll never have to do without it again.’

You reach into your pocket, and you see her gasp a little.

Her hands fly up to her mouth.

You fall to one knee, much like you fell in love with her; inevitably, hard, and steady.

‘Chloe, you are the most wonderful woman in this world and the next. And I don’t want to face anything this life has to throw at me without you by my side, because I love you more than anything in the world.’

You open the ring box.

The ring, encrusted with a sapphire in the middle, surrounded by smaller rubies, shines in the afternoon sun.

The sapphire reminds you of her eyes in the moonlight.

‘Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’

She lets out a sob, then, and you feel one at the back of your throat too, but you have to know the answer.

So you wait.

‘Yes, yes, yes I will, oh my god, Beca, yes,’ she gushes, falling to her knees and wrapping her hands around your neck and kissing all over your cheeks, and you’ve never felt so cared for.

You love her.

She loves you.

You slip the ring onto her finger, and you look deep into those cerulean orbs and just feel filled with love.

‘I’m not done yet, Chloe.’

‘What more could you give me?’

She smiles as tears run down her face.

You take her hands and bring both of you up to stand.

‘I have another…surprise for you. But I need to you to tell me yes or no again.’

‘Alright, Becs, of course, what?’

She hastily wipes a tear away before replacing her hand again.

‘I dont’ want to wait to marry you. I…if you want to wait, I will, because I love you and I want what makes you happy, but I would like to offer you this now. There’s a car waiting outside to take us to the Beverly Hills registry office. But we can get it to go home, or to a diner or wherever you want to go, but the option to go and get married now is here. It’s not in a lodge by Lake Erie, and it’s not in a big church, but I’m marrying you. But it’s honestly, it’s whatever, if you want to, we will, if not we don’t have to at all -‘

She puts a finger over your mouth, silencing your rambling softly.

‘You once told me, when we talked about marriage a very long time ago, “If I loved them enough to get married, I’d get married wherever they wanted to. As long as I get to marry them, I figure it doesn’t matter.”’

You look at her, waiting for her to finish.

‘I couldn’t agree with that more. Because as long as you’re there with me, I’ll do anything you ask. And if I can be officially called your wife now, instead of in three months, my life would be complete so much faster. So let’s go.’

That’s all you need to hear.

You kiss her, wrapping your arms around her neck and kissing her fully.

A second later, she’s pulling you to the elevator.

You’re about to get married.

How fucking surreal.

~()~

It doesn’t take long, the ceremony.

Hank is already there when you arrive, and you kiss him on the cheek quickly before walking down the aisle to the end. There’s hardly anybody there, but you see Luisa standing waiting for you, and Aubrey sitting on the other side.

Emily’s the flowergirl, and Laila the ringbearer.

You stand in front of the registrar, who winks at you once before nodding to the back of the room.

This is it.

You’re about to marry the love of your life.

Finally.

Laila presses play on the iPod connected to the speaker, and an acoustic version of Flashlight begins to ring around the room.

You look behind you, and Chloe is halfway down the aisle.

She’s already crying.

It’s only when she arrives at the end, and takes your hand, wiping a tear away from your face that you realise you are too.

~()~

Kick start my heart when you’re shining in my eyes  
Can't lie, it's a sweet life  
Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight  
You're getting me, getting me, through the night  
(Titanium/Flashlight - David Guetta ft. Sia/The Barden Bellas [SnowyBeale Remix])

‘Do you take this woman, Chloe Laura Beale, to be your lawfully wedded wife?’

‘I do.’

‘Do you take this woman, Beca Annalise Mitchell, to be your lawfully wedded wife?’

‘I do.’

It’s only a few moments later you realise what the registrar’s saying really hits home.

‘By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you spouses for life. You may kiss the bride.’

You almost fall into Chloe’s arms, kissing her like there’s no tomorrow.

But for you that wouldn’t matter, because you’d die happy.

You’re married to the woman of your dreams, and nothing can stop you now.

~()~

You neglected to tell Chloe about the rather extensive reception; a surprise you thought would really blow her away.

‘Beca Mitchell planned a party?’

‘Well, I had a little help.’

You see Luisa wink at Chloe before going over to the DJ, telling him to turn down the music.

You’re sitting on the main table with Chloe, Luisa, Aubrey, Emily, Laila, and Hank. Your father, typical of him ‘couldn’t make it’. To his own daughter’s wedding.

How typical.

You push that out of your mind, though; this is supposed to be a happy day.

Luisa taps on the microphone, getting everybody’s attention once she returns to the table, still standing.

‘Alright, I believe it’s almost time for the first dance. I’m pretty much going to keep it short and sweet, these two have a first dance to do, but I’d like to say a few words, if I may.

‘These two have been on what one would call a bumpy ride. They started out as friends, of course, becoming best friends, running a brilliant acapella group who, to my detriment,’ she eyes you fondly and throws a smirk your way, ‘became world champions, and then moved to L.A. to work on their careers, side by side. Although there was some…difficulty, true love always wins out, does it not? I believe the phrase I heard from quite a few people when we broke the news earlier of what this party was for was -‘

‘It’s about time!’

Everybody laughs at Hank’s interruption, and Chloe smacks her father lightly on the chest before smiling back at Luisa.

‘Exactly. So, although it may be long overdue, we begrudge you that; congratulations. We all wish you a lifetime of happiness. To Beca and Chloe,’ Luisa finishes, raising her glass to you both.

You’re almost overwhelmed at the kindness your best friend has shown you through all this. You don’t deserve her.

Maybe…maybe you do, actually.

‘Now get up and dance, we’ve got some moves we’d like to show the world, Mitchell-Beale,’ you hear Amy say from the next table.

You look at Chloe, sharing a short mental conversation, then the both of you look back at Amy.

‘It’s Beale-Mitchell, aca-bitch,’ Chloe says, and you laugh before dragging Chloe up to the dancefloor.

The DJ steps away from his podium, and Chloe looks confused.

‘I thought we had some music of our own. We don’t need a turntable.’ You wink at her as your girls get in position.

Suddenly the first few instrumental notes of Titanium come out of one of their mouths, and Chloe’s face lights up with happiness.

Then, Luisa begins to softly sing Flashlight over the Titanium instrumental, and the other Bellas join in, putting in their effects and harmonies and fusing together two of the songs that just scream ‘Beca and Chloe’.

As you twirl Chloe around on the dance floor and bring her into your arms, swaying her gently, she pulls back to look at you for a moment.

‘What is it, baby?’

Your eyes glint at the nickname; it’s not often she calls you that.

‘I was just thinking. We always tell each other, that…you deserve the world. What happens when you are my world?’

Chloe looks like she’s going to cry again, and you smile with a slightly tilted head, trying not to let tears slip yourself.

‘We deserve each other and more then, don’t we?’

‘We do.’

‘I love you, Beca Beale-Mitchell.’

‘And I love you, Chloe Beale-Mitchell.’

‘You never told me your middle name was Annalise.’

‘It never came up, and you totally knew anyway. Plus, I wouldn’t be badass then.’

‘You’re my wife. You will always be badass.’

‘You’re a pretty badass wife yourself, Chlo.’

She smiles and lays her head on your shoulder, swaying to the music.

You’ll remember tonight for the rest of your lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very tired, it is 2am, but this chapter absolutely needed posting. Let's not lie, you were probably expecting more angst, but...this needed to happen. I love you guys. I hope you enjoyed it - this was an emotional marathon to write from start to finish.


	7. Epilogue: These Wings Can Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God, I don't even know how to thank all of you for the support you've given this fic. People have sent me so many questions, comments, full on rants, or just incoherent screaming (yes Charlotte, I'm looking at you) and all of it, all of the stuff you've told me about it's just almost OVERWHELMING. So thank you all. I hope you enjoy the epilogue, and apologies for the wait - I hope you all find it's worth it. A new fic will be underway soon - simply coined for now as the SuperDJ AU, and I'll be putting out one shots until that's out. Thank you again for your support, guys.

It's been a pretty damn good day today.

You've managed to finish everything you wanted to get done; the shopping for the weekend was now hours finished, and your mashup work is finally done.

You've been working on something incredibly special; your three studio albums all went platinum, and you can't seriously release another now -not when you have a rather large family on your hands.

So, you decided that you'd do what you do best; you'd remix this business. A fine picked assortment of tracks that you'd written, produced and sang; some of them also including Emily, Laila and Chloe - even Jesse. You'd asked Aubrey, but it had never been her type of music - you respected that, but you'd always ask when you were thinking of collaborating.

And so, you made mashups.

You're onto number 18, the second last one.

You had always planned to do 19 - it was the number of years you'd lived on this earth before your life changed. When you were 19, you met her. It was like each year represented a year of your life, but something was missing.

Her.

And now, you realise, everything that happened; falling for her, telling her when you did, losing her and getting her back again - it's all led up to this perfect moment.

You're such a fucking sop these days, but you don't really care. Most of the world still thinks you're badass.

She wraps her arms around your neck from behind, and she can hear the mashup through the other side of your headphones. She smiles in your neck.

'Almost done?'

'Yeah. One more to go.'

She stands up straight, and you turn and smile at her from your seat.

Spinning it around, she pulls you out of the chair, and then reaches to unplug the headphones and slowly pulls them off your head.

You dance to the music, slowly, to the half beats, and you can't quite believe it works but it does.

It's been years, but you still grow more and more in love every day.

As you look at her, her teeth shining in the small bit of sunlight seeping through the part open curtains, her eyes glinting that cerulean that you drown in every time you dare to look, you still wonder why it took you so long to tell her.

But it doesn't matter.

You have her now.

And she has you; for some reason, that's good enough for her.

Just as you think you'll have more than one minute of peace and quiet, a little girl runs in, not more than two years old, and grabs at your leg.

'Jessica Aubrey Beale-Mitchell, what did we say about disturbing Mommy when she's working?'

You eye Chloe as your young daughter instantly looks contrite.

'Sowwie Momma.'

'It's okay munchkin, just make sure to knock, okay?' You pick her up, flicking her chin softly and looking at her.

She's as beautiful as your wife, and you love them both with a fervour you never thought you had.

It's not just them, either.

'Mom, Momma! Auntie Laila and Auntie Em are here!'

A five year old boy comes running through the door into the studio, closely followed by Laila carrying a very sleepy one and a half year old.

'He was fast asleep for the whole half an hour. '

'I doubt he'll stay like that for very long,' Chloe quips, squeezing your hand before wandering over to Laila, taking the sleeping boy out of her arms.

'God, dude he's getting so big,' you say quietly, resting a hand on the side of his head.

'They all are, aren't they?' She replies, looking at your children wistfully.

It's been a real whirlwind, you remember.

Your eyes wander and find Laila's hand, where her wedding ring sits comfortably on the third finger.

You recall the day she called you, freaking out as Emily looked for a dress for the Infinity War Premiere.

' _Hey, this one's pretty cute,' she says, fiddling with a shortish white dress that has one shoulder._

_You eye it thoughtfully, then realise it's absolutely perfect for what you want._

_'This would be perfect for what Chloe could wear at the album shoot,' you muse, finding her size on the rail and pulling it out._

_You smile, reminding yourself how special that day is going to be._

_'I'll see if she likes it. It is almost perfect, isn't it?'_

_'Well I can't see why you'd be complaining at Chloe walking -'_

_You shoot her a look of panic._

_'Shut up, dude!'_

_Emily smirks at you, taking the couple of items she wants and following you to the cashier._

_'Why? It's all planned, what's the harm in saying it?'_

_'Because it means it's actually gonna happen. I'm too nervous to say it out loud yet. I'm not saying I'd chicken out, I wouldn't, of course I wouldn't, it's Chloe, but it's still huge for me and I need to just psych myself up for it. I'm gonna marry the love of my life. I'm marrying her. I'll be ok -'_

_You stop._

_Your eyes shift to Emily, who's stifling a beaming smile._

_'I think you'll be okay, Beca.'_

_You watch her for a moment, as she goes up to pay, and then smile a little to yourself._

_You'll be okay. You have Chloe._

_You follow her then, paying for the dress quickly and packing up your purse at the counter with Emily behind you._

_'I'm starving, do you want Chinese food? I could kill for some orange chicken from Ming's.'_

_Your mouth almost waters at the thought._

_'Sounds awesome.'_

_Suddenly your phone chimes in the shop, and you scramble to get it out of your purse, answering it after a few rings. You don't bother to look at caller I.D._

_'This is Mitchell.'_

_'Are you on your way home?'_

_'Oh, hey dude. We will be in a sec, why?' It's Laila, and she sounds a little...stressed, for lack of a better word._

_'Stall her.'_

_'What?'_

_'Dude, stall her! I'm having a major crisis here.'_

_You look at Emily, who's not really paying attention to you, so you wave at her meekly._

_You cover the phone, telling her it's work, and walking outside. 'Two minutes,' you whisper, putting the phone back to your ear._

_'Emily is dead set on coming home now, why are you so mad?'_

_'I'm not mad. I'm bloody panicking.'_

_'Why, Laila? Tell me why.'_

_'Why? Because everything is perfect and fine and I was going to propose to my girlfriend tonight but now I can't because I can't find where I hid the ring for safe keeping!'_

_Your mouth falls open a little, but you snap out of it soon enough._

_'I can give you half an hour. Find the ring, ok? Go. Half an hour.'_

_You hang up and file away some crap that you actually now really want those jeans you were looking at in Zara._

_You do, so it works out quite well, but you can at least help Laila out at the same time._

_~()~_

_It's been forty five minutes, because you stopped for Chinese, and you hope for the best when Emily unlocks the door to their studio apartment and you shout that you're back louder than you usually would._

_'Babe? Where are you?'_

_Laila runs out of the bedroom then, terror written all over her face._

_'You okay?'_

_Laila doesn't really move, just looks at you desperately, and you can tell she hasn't found it._

_'I'm not, not really. Sorry, I had a whole night planned and everything and it was going to be wonderful and I was -'_

_'Hey, Laiz, just calm down. I have a couple of movies we can bring up to watch, I brought Chinese food...I got us some chopsticks too,' she says, smiling at her fool of a girlfriend. It's so endearing._

_It's weird though, because you know you have something just as special._

_You never thought you'd be that lucky._

_You look at Laila, and it's like a light bulb has gone off in her head._

_'Chopsticks.'_

_She runs into the kitchen with a small smile on her face._

_The cutlery draw. Of course._

_So that's when you take your cue._

_You walk up to Emily, taking yours and Chloe's order out of your bag and quickly giving her a peck on the cheek. After all, you know that in about 30 seconds, her whole life will change._

_'Enjoy,' you say, a small grin adorning your face, before turning around and walking out of the door back to the comfort of your own home, where Chloe is waiting for you._

_Your smile gets bigger and bigger._

You're snapped out of memory lane when you see your older child walk up to you, with a grin as big as the Colorado river.

'Mom, can I have a pudding cup please?'

'Really? Now? You had lunch like an hour ago man!'

'But I didn't gots dessert.'

'We don't have dessert every meal, sweetheart,' Chloe chimes in.

'I think if you wait a little while, you guys might get an ice cream instead,' Laila says, and without warning she picks up Louis, your five year old boisterous little tike (with surprisingly wonderful manners thanks to Chloe), and swings him over her shoulder, going out of your office and heading to the back porch of your ocean side villa in Santa Monica beach.

Emily walks through the front door then, shaking her head fondly at her wife picking up your son, and you put down your daughter so she can run at her other Aunt.

'Aintie Emmy!'

'Hello trouble!'

She picks her up and hugs her tightly.

'I've missed you, cutie! You doing okay?'

'Awesomesauce!'

Emily is a little taken aback by this, giggling somewhat at her niece's strange language.

'One of the kids in her kindergarten class heard it off his parents. The Aldrin-Erisken kid, I think? The latest one, anyway.'

Chloe shakes her head at what you say, walking to set Emily's little boy down out on the deck with Laila before returning to the kitchen.

'Oh okay. Well, at least she's not saying bad word yet,' Emily remarks, putting her bag down while still holding Jessica comfortably in her arms.

'Stay for a drink, before you go? We haven't seen you in ages babe. One drink, then we can let you off for your weekend,' Chloe implores, winking quickly before pulling out a bottle of Diet Coke.

'Why not, start the weekend off with a little pizzaz, huh? You have Bacardi?'

'You know it,' Chloe replies, before glancing your way and raising her eyebrows. You shake your head once, and Chloe smiles fondly at you before reaching for the Bacardi in your drinks cupboard, pouring two before stopping and popping out to see if Laila wants one.

'Thank you for doing this,' she sahs with a puff of breath, 'I love him more than my life, but...'

'You don't get any time to yourself. That's motherhood for you, trust me. I know. But this weekend, you guys just relax, have a bit of time together. You'll come back fresh from it and you'll be begging for your kid back. I know how weird that sounds, coming from me, but it's true.'

Cole Milardo was born on the 22nd July. When Emily Milardo, who'd opted to take Laila's name at the first opportunity (despite her wife's insistence her own wasn't that bad), was having breakfast with Chloe in a beautiful promenade restaurant in West Hollywood, her water broke.

You were going to join them after you'd dropped your children at Luisa's for a few hours. Luisa had insisted on taking who she described as 'your little angels' for the morning, was going to bring them to the afternoon party at your villa, but Emily's little boy just couldn't wait.

So Luisa kept them all day, with no fuss. You think she has a soft spot for smaller people; after all, she's best friends with you.

Chloe Beale helped Emily deliver her cherished baby boy, on her own birthday, right there in the car on the way to the hospital - he wasn't going to hang around.

So when they finally arrived at the hospital for checks on Mother and baby, naturally, Emily asked Laila if they could name their baby, as closely as they could, after the woman who helped her bring him into the world.

It was nice; you'd coined Jessica's full name from Jesse and Aubrey, and you'd named Louis after Luisa, but you'd given him the middle name Emmett after your 'acachild'. Which was little weird, considering she was now having a kid of her own.

_As you sit outside the ward, Chloe signing the paperwork at the front desk and Emily and Laila formally meeting their little man, a very familiar face walks in from the car park elevator._

_'Theo,' you breathe, knowing how awkward this moment might be._

_After all, it has been a while since you last saw him, properly._

_Over four years to be exact._

_You saw him at Laila and Emily's wedding, but they made sure you didn't really have to interact. After all, it was still a little bit of salt in the wound._

_'Beca. How are you?'_

_'I'm good, I'm...yeah. Here to meet your nephew?'_

_'Laila and I were on the way from the airport when Chloe rang about Emily, so I came straight here.'_

_'Good timing.'_

_'Yes, I suppose...listen, Beca - I've wanted to apologise. For a hell of a while now.'_

_'For what?'_

_'For hitting you. That was literally the most uncalled for thing I could have done.'_

_'I professed my love to your fiancée, Theo. I think that's going to get me some bad karma, and it was four years ago. I think we can call it water under the bridge.'_

_'I apologise nonetheless.'_

_You take a moment to process what's just happened._

_After everything, Theo felt_ he _had to apologise to_ you _._

_'I owe you an apology too. If I'd have kept my mouth shut it could have ended differently.'_

_'Shit like that happens because it has to, Beca. I accept it, and we're both happy now.'_

_'Yeah, what's actually going on with you? I heard you're back in England.'_

_'Yeah, I'm actually writing for the BBC. I changed career path. Modelling got rather tedious, so I used the degree in English I got to try and get a journalism job.'_

_You notice the ring on his finger, but you don't pry. At least it worked out well for him._

_'I'm glad you're happy, man.'_

_'And you. I'm glad Chloe ended up with the right person. I can see that now.'_

_You both smile at each other shyly, not really sure what to say._

_You smile to yourself when he awkwardly excuses himself, going to get a coffee._

_You see him bump into Chloe, and him offering a small smile and walking calmly away before Chloe can utter a word. You know they'll talk._

_But it's not like you have to worry, as you see Chloe look at you with a rather gobsmacked look, and her eyes flickering with curiosity sets your heart on fire in the best way._

_You smirk at her, and you know she's about to bombard you with questions. But you don't care._

_You'll answer her. You'll always be honest with her. Why wouldn't you be?_

_You love each other._

_You still can't believe you got here._

'There's a word I'm trying to think of, to describe you. Like, when I met you you were so closed off and alt girl like, it was so intimidating. You're still a little like that now, but you're just...you're not different, but...'

You get up, finishing the two drinks as you heard Laila say she's driving and she'll not bother this time. You hand Emily hers, and mix Chloe's a little, but not too much, just how she likes it.

'Grown up? Evolved? Changed irrevocably?'

She puts Jessica down before taking the drink from your offered hand, and smiling, biting her bottom lip a little.

'I think you've blossomed. Between your kids, your career,Chloe - you've blossomed.'

You smirk widely, looking out of the double doors onto the back porch where Emily is headed, Jessica hot on her feet. Chloe's giving Cole back to Laila, who in turn is guessing all the different Marvel superheroes in Louis' comic as he sits and listens intently.

You've always loved how transfixed Louis is by Laila. You always knew she'd be good with kids. She just had that aura - even if it didn't show at first.

You never thought you did; but in light of what Emily says, maybe, you were meant to be a Mom, someday. In the midst of your whirlwind career and marrying your perfect wife.

It was just waiting for the right time.

And the right person to do it with.

Chloe comes back in, about to take the drink from the counter, before you take her hand and lead her back to your music room. You go via the back porch, asking the other two if they're okay for a few minutes. They wave you off, and you drag Chloe softly behind you into the soundproofed studio.

When you close the door, Chloe's about to ask what you're up to, you know she is; so you just put a finger up, sucking your lips. You're a little nervous; you don't know how she's going to react.

You go to the computer, talking as you open up files and load them.

'Now I know I said,' you begin, clicking a file from 2017, 'that I hadnt finished the album yet.'

'You had one more song to go.'

'Yes.' You click the button so it's loaded onto the audio player. 'The truth is, I'm done already. I made track nineteen before I started on anything else. But I need your opinion.'

'Of course, babe,' she says with a beaming smile, about to take the headphones when you unplug them, plugging the speaker in instead.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

You press play.

Instantly, emotion hits you. The first piano notes ring out through the small room, the acoustics bouncing to off the walls into your waiting ears.

You see Chloe's face bloom with recognition.

_Sunlight comes creeping in_  
Illuminates our skin  
We watch the day go by  
Stories of all we did  
It made me think of you  
It made me think of you

When you see Chloe's eyes fill rapidly, looking at you with a look in your eyes you can only describe as raw emotion, you explain.

'I was working way too hard one night in New York, sorting files, and I saw this come up. It was a little grainy, voices needed amplifying, so I optimised it and added in a few harmonies I'd recorded. I'd forgotten to turn my recorder off when you'd come to see me in the studio, the day before the wedding. You sang it so well. I just wanted to hear it from you, and because I forgot...I got this. And I can keep it forever. I can keep it for us, we can show it to the world...it's up to you, Chlo.'

Chloe's covering her face with her hands, and you're so apprehensive. You're shaking, your hands gripping the chair with steel force and your eyes filling up with tears you didn't even know you had.

The song continues, and Chloe's shoulders start wracking with sobs. You can't help it any longer - seeing Chloe in such violent pain is simply too much for you. You take the few steps towards her and softly take her wrists into your hands, pulling ever so softly to coax them away from her face.

You see the glinting pain in her eyes, but it's mixed with sheer love. It's a complicated feeling, and it's not one you've seen Chloe feel before - not many times, anyway.

'I can make something different. If this is too much I can take it out, Chloe, I can, there's plenty more mixed I could make -'

'Becs.'

The chorus rings through for the second time.

_Oh lights go down_  
In the moment we're lost and found  
And I just wanna be by your side  
If these wings could fly

Her answer comes, and it's enough to make you break in the best possible way.

'You couldn't make a better track nineteen if you tried.'

_Oh damn these walls_  
In the moment we're ten feet tall  
And how you told me after it all  
We'd remember tonight  
For the rest of our lives

She takes your face in her soft, pale hands and kisses your tenderly, then kisses your tears away one by one, and you don't think you've ever looked at her with so much love apart from when she promised herself to you on your wedding day.

She's an angel. She's a marvel, a masterpiece of human creation that you just cannot even fathom being yours, but she is.

'It's perfect.'

The last part comes through the speakers, and it's you singing. You forgot that you'd put this change in, a few days after your wedding, sitting by the pebbled beach on the island of Madeira.

_Lights go down_   
_In this moment we're lost and found_   
_And I'll always be by your side_   
_Cause these wings can fly_

_For the rest of our lives_

She recognised the lyric amendment instantly, and stifled another sob.

'Okay now it's even more perfect.'

You giggle a little at her comment, and lift a bent finger up to stroke her cheek softly. She lets you just do that, just for a few seconds, and then she simply takes your hand and kisses it, almost screwing her eyes shut as she does so; as if she's trying to imprint it on her brain forevermore.

She doesn't have to, though.

You can make new imprints every day, touches, sweet nothings, acts of kindness and love that only you can provide each other with. It's so special, and once again you're overwhelmed at how goddamn lucky you've managed to become.

It's a blessing, this life.

'I love you' is the only thing that can really tell her all the incredible things you're feeling right now.

When she tells you she loves you too, you know it's just a fraction of what she feels for you. That's just an amazing feeling.

At that moment, there's a soft knock at the door, and when Chloe quietly offers a 'come in', Emily's head pops through the door.

'You guys okay?'

You both laugh a little, knowing she can see your tear tracks in the sun peaking through the office window.

'We're aca-awesome,' you quip, and Emily offers you a thin lipped smirk.

'Is it group hug time? I think it's group hug time,' she says, amidst your groans of displeasure at such a terrible thing.

Chloe just laughs and opens her arms, and despite your earlier protests you welcome Emily into the hug as easily as you'd welcomed her into the Bellas fold 14 years before.

Your little aca family.

She squeezes you both hard one more time and then releases you, walking back to the back porch after throwing back a sincere grin.

Chloe makes to follow her, and she looks back at you, noticing where your focus is.

You're looking down at your left hand, at the ring shed given you to signify your marriage.

And at the one on your thumb.

_By chance we met  
By choice we'll never forget_

She glances at her own, then back up at you.

'You coming, Becs?'

You look at her, and see her smiling at you in that subtle little way.

You love her and your children more than anything in the world.

You'd always told each other you deserved the world, and now you have each other.

That's more than the world.

'Yeah, Chlo.'

You walk forward, grabbing her outstretched hand and you both saunter hand in hand outside to your dear friends, and your incredible children.

What a wild ride it's been.

What an incredible one it'll continue to be.

_**Fin.** _

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me about stuff and ask me things about the au on my tumblr: superpuppydanvers.


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